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it looks like alot of us are now in the same boat.. i do feel for you alot. people just assume your very strong,but they need to know you are doing it all and you need help too. you will be blessed by the best. he knows what your doing and how big of a person you are and how BIG YOUR HEART IS......... love,sherri zoey1zulu2
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Oh my...Sound like you could use a little vacation from mom. I have been there and everyone who has ever been a caregiver knows where you are coming from. But,like you said this too shall pass. I admire you so much for hanging in there ~ my mother passed in 2009 and I was glad that I stuck by her even though there were so many times I didn't think I could. I used prayer and meditation for my strength to go on and my belief in myself. This helped me to be more relaxed and I began to know that I was doing something very important. I was determined not to let her down...After all what could be more important than being with a loved one in their last days. Lord knows it is a challenge, one that does change your life for now...but when it is all said and done you will be blessed. I think the experience made me a better person and it really changed my views on death and dying.
Your are an angel and I hope that you take good care of yourself and give yourself lots of credit for your goodness as a daughter. Talking about the anger and disappointments along with the beautiful moments of caregiving is healthy and normal...so never feel guilty. It is all a part of living! Lots of Love and hugs for you!!! Bobbi Henderson
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Sweety, I know you dont know me but I also am a caregiver for my mother in law (not a nice person) and now my mother (a great person) who has stage 3 lung cancer. I can completely relate to how you feel. Please feel free to e-mail me and vent your frustrations. That is so important. And it may make it easier to vent to a stranger.
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I take care of my 90 year old Dad and have the same feelings. But I look at it this way. What if there was something wrong with me when I was born. Would my parents of given up on me and put me in a facility for someone else to care for me? Unconditional love is what it comes down to. Somedays I want to pull my hair out with the dementia and his anger, but I have come to a point that I except what has happened and try to make each day a new adventure. I also work full time and get no help what so ever from my family. Venting is so important even if you feel no one cares. Don't bottle up your emotions get it out or you will end up getting ill yourself.
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Please let me just say.... Bless your heart I think your feelings are very normal and understandable... Please find a caregiver support group in your area. You do need to take care of you too... Without you your Mom would be in real trouble... take care!
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Anyone would feel angry over what you've been through no matter how much love there is. You are human and your life isn't your life anymore, nor has it been for years. I don't know where you live, so I can't comment on nursing homes. In my community they are excellent, but some places they aren't so good. What I want to point out is that if you don't either get full-time in-home care for your mom or get her in a nursing home, your own health will likely be so impacted that there is no way you'll ever enjoy the things you want to do. Think hard. Is this what your mother would want? I doubt it. You both need to understand that you are risking your own health to the point that she could be forced into a nursing home while you are hospitalized or worse. For both of your sakes you need to change this. Please reconsider a nursing home. Check all of them in the area. Find the best one and go for it. Visit as much as possible, but get your life back before you leave your mother childless. I'm not overstating this. Look over the statistics for caregivers. You are seriously at risk. Please get more in-home care so you can travel or better yet find a good nursing home for your mom.
Best wishes. I know this is hard,
Carol
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