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Let me just say that when people withdraw from family members, regardless of if it is permanent or temporary, it’s usually for extremely valid reasons.

My husband became estranged from his father. I totally regret trying to be the ‘peacemaker’ in the family. I got caught in the middle of it all and trampled on by all sides.

Fortunately, my husband realized that I was only trying to help but politely asked me to allow him to handle his dad, which I respected.

I say that if a person isn’t totally sure that they are able to be the ‘peacemaker’ then it’s best to stay out of it.

Things don’t always work out as we would have liked them to.

There are secrets and skeletons in family closets.

Men seem to have enormous pride but women can also.

Live and let live is my motto.

I know so many people that have had to be told to sweep their own porch before trying to sweep other’s porches.
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You have to do what is best for yourself. There are no easy paths through the caregiving journey but once you make your decisions you can't beat yourself up for them.
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No matter what you do, or don’t do you will experience both guilt and regret.
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I don't understand how horrible people can be to one another but no form of this can ever be justified. If nothing changes the dynamics and stops this horror, then it is wisest to sever all ties forever and move on - never look back. What reason would you have not to do this?
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WOW! I’m just seeing all these responses and thank you for the support. So let me clarify - my brother absconded to another state with all mom’s money, left her 1 mile from my house in AL and expected them to manage all her health care. He hasn’t kicked me out - he just alienates me and she lets him because she plays the triangulation game. I’ve been rocking along, seeing her several times a week and taking small meals. Fast forward a year and things are worse - she hasn’t been to a doctor, had a terrible fall on Xmas Eve resulting in 2 fractures in her back, hiatal hernia causing inability to thrive, and low BS. I hired a private caregiver to help her over holiday when I went to visit my granddaughter. They all, brother, SIL, mom went ballistic and refused to pay for the care. The AL living was operating at low staff and couldn’t give the extra care. I rose to the challenge and did evenings and weekends. Falls set her back so badly - and she is nearly completely immobile - she didn’t argue with the care when she needed it. Not till my SIL interfered and told her to fire her. This is what I deal with. She’s having so many problems Idk how I will keep up unless she simply doesn’t want to see a doctor at all and I would respect that.

I will re-read all your stories as there is some good content, just sorry so many have had the same situations.
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TW, if you do stuff like hire outside caregivers without authorization from the POA, you are prolonging the time when the AL will seek guardianship.

I don't quite understand why you continue to involve yourself.

As POA, if he checks in on site with AL once a month, that may be sufficient for the AL's reqirement.

Please leave this alone. Your mom made her wishes known. Respect them.
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