Hi all, update to the family drama. I’ve been NC with my narcissist brother since September and low contact with my mom (no visits). Have taken her birthday, Christmas, and a few sundry items, and seasonal clothing being kept at my house. She does not communicate with me - no phone calls and no thanks.
NC from brother since September since he’s gotten more abusive towards me. I’m certain he bullies and abuses my mom too (financially, verbally and emotionally) and I filed a report with APS but when they interviewed her she said everything is fine. So I cut out! Brother and wife are traveling the country in RV, have HCPOA over her but never see her more than once a month. Meanwhile she was moved to 2 miles from me and I was initially so happy until he reared his ugly head, Assisted living is allowing him to do that even though a HCPOA is required to live in-state.
He has brainwashed and isolated me from my mom by bullying and intimidating me, won’t let me take her to docs, or visit with her. He is not taking care of her needs. Part of why we are on the outs is I set a boundary by telling them I want a personal care agreement. They refused - their cynicism and distrust won’t allow me to have any involvement with financial decisions - they are afraid I will get a nickel.
My plan is to hold out till Assisted Living has to get a lawyer involved to appoint a guardian because sooner or later he’s not going to be there for her when she needs him. I made these decisions knowing I might never get to see my mother again but I had to in order to get any peace. I just hope I don’t regret it so I’m also talking to a counselor. Thanks!
My husband became estranged from his father. I totally regret trying to be the ‘peacemaker’ in the family. I got caught in the middle of it all and trampled on by all sides.
Fortunately, my husband realized that I was only trying to help but politely asked me to allow him to handle his dad, which I respected.
I say that if a person isn’t totally sure that they are able to be the ‘peacemaker’ then it’s best to stay out of it.
Things don’t always work out as we would have liked them to.
There are secrets and skeletons in family closets.
Men seem to have enormous pride but women can also.
Live and let live is my motto.
I know so many people that have had to be told to sweep their own porch before trying to sweep other’s porches.
I will re-read all your stories as there is some good content, just sorry so many have had the same situations.
I don't quite understand why you continue to involve yourself.
As POA, if he checks in on site with AL once a month, that may be sufficient for the AL's reqirement.
Please leave this alone. Your mom made her wishes known. Respect them.