I received a call from a facility that I was really interested in for my mom. She is 88 and dementia. We have live-in care. This has been going on for 4 years. My dad passed 18 months ago. I think in the long run this may lighten my load, half distance on driving in, no groceries, house maintance issues, giving breaks, no disappointment on sibling not showing up. But then the guilt sets in. How can I move mom from her home? Money will be an issue in a year, but this may put off nursing home/long term care for 2 years if I can stretch it. I have a month to decide. Sometimes watch what you pray for cuz you may get it. I am just sick over all of this.
I'm sure no clinician would endorse continuing alcohol intake; but then again I personally as a non-clinician wouldn't endorse taking all alcohol away from someone of 82 who feels happier for it.
Whatever works for her, I guess. Hope you can get someone to give it another think.
Betsey
From your statement it sounds like your mother needs a Memory Care Assisted Living place. Putting someone with more advanced dementia into AL is no better than leaving them in their own home really (except they can get help with their physical needs.)
Our mother's MC unit has higher functioning dementia patients along with those who need walkers, a few wheelchairs, and a lot who also need physical assistance.
Check around more and see if you can locate a facility that has MC.
You also mentioned agitation - has the doctor tried prescribing anything for this? I prefer not using medication whenever it can be avoided, but even a little something like lorazipam (sp?) just to take the edge off might help. From what I have read, it might require trying different meds/dosages to get the right effect (calm down, but not zoned.) I think they actually Rxed this for our mother when she first arrived, but I manage/order all her meds, and they have never requested a refill, so again, a little just to get over the hump may help!
She passes the mini mental in her yearly checkups..although just barely.
No it is not "all" about you, but it is about you to some extent, and also about your mum getting the care that she needs. There is nothing wrong with someone else doing some of the things you have been. You have been carrying too heavy a load. Time to lighten it up, and be able to be just a daughter to your mum and not a slave to her needs. It's nobody's fault - just the load becomes too much sometimes.
Don't feel guilty because you are the one being released from prison. You have served your time and deserve it.
Golden I hope no one drops me off at MC. iIwould be tying my sheets together and climbing out of the window. Maybe I can "neutralize" a CNA and steal her uniform. Although maybe someone would notice a CNA using a walker. "Oh I was just returning it to Mrs X' Now where is my cell phone? I hope someone plugged it in. I remember the # for the taxi it is ### taxi, that one was easy. The other one is 911 when I want those nice young men to visit.
Another resident just told me if you do manage to escape they hunt you down and bring you back. I wonder if they use Bloodhounds, I love those long silky ears.
Well I guess if I stop peeing in the waste bin and clean the bathroom walls they may think I am fit to be discharged. Mustn't bite the med nurse either or throw my dinner tray out the door. My new years resolution, well next year, will be to only use swear words silently. Be careful the deaf one can read lips. Time for a nap I hear PT in the hall. Why do they have to shout all the time. That old man isn't going to do what they tell him even if he can hear them, he"ll just blow his whistle.
Golden send me a post card when your sister commits you and I can help you escape too.
Love you all.
I am sure my sis thinks I should have been committed somewhere years ago, but I would never appoint her as POA, and in any case, she would never do the work involved. Blood hounds - lovely!
Even, let's say, just supposing, if there is a breakthrough in diagnostic technology in a few months' time and someone waves a wand and says "lo, we have the answer. Your mother, may she be comforted, will pass away at half past four on the morning on Friday next."
Should that, or anything similar but far likelier, come to pass, you will always have the option of engaging hospice at home IF it still seems like a good idea.
But you already know how long you'll have to wait before a place as good as this comes up again. Try it. If God forbid it's a disaster, your mother won't be held prisoner and if push comes to shove you can always have a rethink.
Get an early night tonight! Hugs.
But you will take the spot, because your mom will be much more "in the swing" when around folks of her age and activities that include lots of cueing, as opposed to her having to figure it "what do I do?".
Make this move for mom.
Although the move might go smoothly and all will be well, usually there will be bumps along the way. Do not lose heart - it sometimes can take months for the adjustment, meanwhile there can be some misgivings on your part when these bumps happen. Keep in mind that most go through this, so no guilt pangs!! It is not because of what you decided. Better that there are a few bumps vs some big emergency at her home.
If/when she asks about going "home", make stuff up - getting some repairs on the house done, repainting, what ever works. You said the place is old and some things are falling apart/down, so this is a plausible "excuse." Then there is always the doctor excuse - doc says you need to get stronger/better/whatever fill in the blank. She can keep her hope to return, just feed that hope!