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Yes, my dreadful father was doing it the last time I saw him (a round trip to the UK from Oz – perhaps I was potty to bother). Any difficult topic, he would get wide eyed and make answers that sounded not quite there. I could pick it was faking because of long long experience with him (and I could usually guess why he was slipping out of discussing the item). I have not had enough experience with dementia to know if his ‘fake’ was spot on. He was quite sane when he was being nasty. I talked to the director of the NH, and she said that she had suspected the same thing.
My guess is that it would be hard to pick without experience with the person’s previous bad behavior. And I also suspect that acting it was actually risking his ability to pick when to do it and when not to. Acting ‘mad’ can send you down that path for real, unless you are very careful.
I can tell you from experience that a person will fall into familiar behaviors and speech patterns that will make them seem the same. Dementia doesn't begin from day one as "who areyou?" It's a little like a pile of leaves that blow away a few at a time. Some days a little wind kicks up and takes a bunch, other days just a couple, but the effect is cumulative.
I can't imagine anyone faking dementia. I never once thought that of my mother. My brother who lives at home has memory problems due to a major fall and hit his head. It is extremely forgetful. I did have him tested but neuro found no dementia but he does have memory loss from the fall which it can progress to dementia per his neurologist. We keep a close eye on him. I know he does not fake his memory loss. What is the point to it. My mother on occasion complained that she does not have to feed herself because others do it for her. I did leave her alone one day, but I was peaking at her in the other room. I told her not to touch the food and when I left she picked up her spoon and started feeding herself. I even said to my niece we probably do too much for her and that might not be a good thing. I do not mind doing anything for my mom, but in the long run it is best to do as much as one can for themselves, but not with a lot of difficulty.
It's funny, I often wonder how much is real and how much is fake? I've wondered the same thing too, and the conclusion I have reached is that it is all dementia-related behavior. Let's face it- normal people don't act like this.
The issue is that the people who 'act like this' aren't 'normal people'. Whether you blame them or not, they probably have always had personality/ behavioral shortcomings.
I think the better question is do they fake 'helplessness'? My father did that all the time. He couldn't be bothered to help himself, preferred I do as much as possible for him. It is like he didn't even know me as I rarely tolerated that kind of behavior. Didn't stop him from trying.
My dad was the same way. Truth be told, he spent his entire life with my mom being taken care of so it stood to reason how helpless he seemed.
My husband's uncle was recently diagnosed with dementia, went into the hospital for a routine procedure and was transferred to an LTC after the diagnosis. The family is in huge denial and are waiting for him to get better and come home.
Dementia ebbs and flows; some days the patient seems their old selves, other days not so much. I've tried to explain it like a child that leaves home. They may come to visit and act like their younger selves but the fact of the matter is that version is gone and you'll only see their old selves in snatches of time. Best of luck.
Do you know the signs of dementia when you see them? How exactly is she behaving for you to think she's faking dementia. Dementia shows itself as a multifactorial behavioral problem. Forgetting why you went into a room is, in itself, not dementia. Not remembering where you placed the keys or parked the car is, in itself, not dementia. Not recalling a long time recipe, in itself, is not dementia. There's much more to it than that. If someone is faking dementia, which a caregiver might suspect, but which I've never heard of, they would have to know and mimic the warning signs. If you're concerned, have her PCP screen her for dementia symptoms or see a neurologist.
I used to think my dad would “fake” not understanding to not have to deal with more difficult/complex things or to get people to leave him alone (which he very much wanted), but as time goes on I think he legitimately COULDN’T process anything or deal with people because of the dementia, not the other way around. It was just too overwhelming for a brain that wasn’t functioning correctly.
Please, please, please, don't treat someone cynically whose mind is failing. Have them checked out to find out what's really going on. Also take the time to educate yourself on dementia and what it looks like. No one is expected to be an expert the minute dementia rears its head, but make the effort to learn about the condition so you're better able to understand what may be going on. Check out Teepa Snow videos on YouTube and the Alzheimer's Association website (alz.org) to begin.
It would be unspeakably cruel to dismiss someone's health issues as an attention-getting tactic.
I can't imagine that anyone would fake having dementia, as there are so many other ways to get attention. Perhaps it's time to have her take a mental capacity test ordered by her neurologist. That will better help you understand exactly what is going on. Best wishes.
Maybe a person who has OTHER mental issues would think of faking dementia as a prank. The only other reason would be if someone had done something wrong or made a serious mistake, and was trying to use dementia as an excuse.
To my limited understanding, I would think not. I can’t imagine someone wanting to be deemed incompetent or willingly have their power removed from them just to be a burden to others or get attention.
Most likely what you are seeing is a person who used to crave attention, who eventually got dementia through no fault of their own.
Try to go easy on them, as hard as it can be. I wouldn’t wish dementia on my worst enemy.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My guess is that it would be hard to pick without experience with the person’s previous bad behavior. And I also suspect that acting it was actually risking his ability to pick when to do it and when not to. Acting ‘mad’ can send you down that path for real, unless you are very careful.
My brother who lives at home has memory problems due to a major fall and hit his head. It is extremely forgetful. I did have him tested but neuro found no dementia but he does have memory loss from the fall which it can progress to dementia per his neurologist. We keep a close eye on him. I know he does not fake his memory loss. What is the point to it.
My mother on occasion complained that she does not have to feed herself because others do it for her. I did leave her alone one day, but I was peaking at her in the other room. I told her not to touch the food and when I left she picked up her spoon and started feeding herself. I even said to my niece we probably do too much for her and that might not be a good thing. I do not mind doing anything for my mom, but in the long run it is best to do as much as one can for themselves, but not with a lot of difficulty.
Will it change HER needs or HER care plan if you are able to have her cognitive functioning formally assessed?
Do you have plenty of respite and relief time for YOU?
My husband's uncle was recently diagnosed with dementia, went into the hospital for a routine procedure and was transferred to an LTC after the diagnosis. The family is in huge denial and are waiting for him to get better and come home.
Dementia ebbs and flows; some days the patient seems their old selves, other days not so much. I've tried to explain it like a child that leaves home. They may come to visit and act like their younger selves but the fact of the matter is that version is gone and you'll only see their old selves in snatches of time. Best of luck.
It would be unspeakably cruel to dismiss someone's health issues as an attention-getting tactic.
Perhaps it's time to have her take a mental capacity test ordered by her neurologist. That will better help you understand exactly what is going on. Best wishes.
Most likely what you are seeing is a person who used to crave attention, who eventually got dementia through no fault of their own.
Try to go easy on them, as hard as it can be. I wouldn’t wish dementia on my worst enemy.
hmmm...
in any case, really i’m amazed how many wonderful people there are on this website. hugs everyone!! courage!!
bundle of joy :)