Does anyone dream regularly about their dead parents?

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Does anyone dream regularly about their dead parents?

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My dad died 4 years ago (he was 87) and my mom followed 18 months later (she was 86). The last 6 years or so of caring for them was very difficult, especially my mom who was bedridden the last year of her life. I dream that my mom is back in the house, able to walk again and I KNOW she's going to find out I got rid of everything in her closet. In this last dream she was complaining about how we redid 'her house'.

I assume these are just PTSD dreams and will eventually stop. They are much less frequent than they were right after they died. They've also changed slightly in that I now tell them (in the dream) - you are both dead, please go away. I'm just curious if others dream as well and if they are pleasant dreams or nightmares?

Burnout Family Caregiver Grief Sleep Issues

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If you don't get any comfort from seeing them in your dreams then you are right to tell them to be at peace and stop visiting you. I have never dreamed of my father whom I took care of for a year. And I have never (I wish I would have a comforting one, I really do-dreamed of my DH except once right after he died by suicide and he was blaming me and being so mean when I was so so happy to see him.) I woke up broken hearted. I would rather have no dreams than one like that again and I haven't.. I think our minds try to protect us if we cannot handle things. I think you are correct in thinking they are trauma related and will fade in time. Blessings to you.

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I've never had a dream about my parents dead or alive. I don't dream about people.

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I dreamt about my father all the time. They were just generic dreams, but he was always there in the mix of whatever was going on in my dreams. It was actually pleasant to see him again. One, though was so real. I was rounding the corner from the kitchen to the dining room and there he was standing there. And, I knew in my dream he had died, so I said how did this happen, how did you do this (come back to life) and I just gave him a big hug. Weird, I know. But, then again I have lucid dreams all the time too. At any rate, my father died 3 years ago, and lately I haven't had as many dreams about him. It didn't bother me that he was "visiting" me in my dreams, as they say. I rather liked it. I also dreamed for many months about a long lost love who also died. It is not unusual to dream about loved ones who have died, at least it's not for me. I even had dreams long ago about our family dog and cat and those were happy dreams too.

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I haven't seen this post until just now. I had PTSD nightmares for 23 years, after I was told I was adopted, right up until the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child, a son. On that day, those nightmares STOPPED on a dime, and never returned. The nightmares were recurrent; the same dreams every night, and I'd wake up screaming repeatedly every night. The dreams were senseless, really, but extremely disturbing in nature to ME and made me very upset and scared out of my mind. So I had PTSD from finding out I was adopted, having no outlet to speak to anyone about it (no brothers or sisters), and wasn't allowed to discuss it with my adoptive parents. When I talked about it to school friends, they were mortified, so I learned in short order NOT to talk about it b/c nobody thought it was cool. Thus, the nightmares were my only outlet I guess.

My father died in 2015 and I only had a few dreams about him; one visitation I'm sure, where he was laughing and holding out a shiny penny in his hand for me to take. I was finding pennies (from heaven) all over the place after he died, and I knew in my heart they were being sent by him. Then the dream solidified it for me.

Mom died in February of this year. We had a tumultuous relationship my whole life, to put it mildly. She was 95, with advanced dementia & living in Memory Care AL for nearly 3 years, always telling me what I was doing and did wrong, how miserable she was, etc. I was her biggest disappointment in life, that she couldn't have 'children of her own' and was stuck with me. Lately I've been dreaming of her nearly constantly. Most dreams I can't remember, but some I do. Last night I was at her ALF; 2 male caregivers were in her room, one was washing her mouth out with soap for some foul thing she'd said! She had a forked tongue like nobody else on earth. I was trying to get his name to report him, but he wasn't divulging it. The dreams I have of her aren't good, but they're not 'nightmares'. I'm not sure wth is going on, what the message is, what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me, no idea. Only that I'd like to STOP dreaming of the woman b/c dealing with her for 10.5 years was enough. More than enough. I guess I'm still working through all the stress & trauma of those 10.5 years of caregiving I went through, IDK. It would be nice to have a GOOD dream of her though, a visitation where she tells me all is well, or I love you, or thanks for all you did, or SOMETHING for godsake, that isn't negative. You know what I mean? Still waiting. May be waiting for a very long time on that one, though. :(

I do not believe your mother is mad at you for what you've done in her house; in spirit form, they don't care about earthly 'stuff' anymore and see things through OUR eyes now, that is my belief. If you can let go of that ONE belief you have, that your mom is mad at you for 'redoing her house', I'll bet you'll stop having these dreams altogether. Maybe not, IDK, but work on it; it's worth a try.

Wishing you the best of luck having better dreams and better sleep health in general. Wishing the same for myself, too. :)

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Yes. Both of my parents passed away within 8 months in this past year. At first I dreamt of my dad often. It was sweet dreams, he was playing with my daughter. He was holding my hand and giving me hugs. One time he brought medicine in my dreams when i was sick in real life. When my mom passed it was the same. I had nice dreams about her even though our relationship was rocky. Now it's been a mix of nice dreams and dreams where they're really mad at me over random things

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The last dream (in the last few weeks) I had where I saw my mom walking wasn't distressing at all. I looked at my son (who was in the dream) and said "don't worry, she's walking so it's a dream". Sounds to me like I'm finally moving past it! Thanks again to everyone who replied.

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Be sure to let go of any guilt you might inadvertently be hanging onto - it may even be completely ridiculous guilt, like guilt over throwing out everything in her closet. I get this! People get really possessive and upset over their stuff and can't let go, and then they can get in your head about it too! And yes, I can imagine my subconscious bringing this up in my dreams in the middle of the night, as may be the case with you. ...Take the time when you're awake to acknowledge that you did the best you could and made the wisest decisions, including cleaning out or renovating her house. Confront your guilt and tell it you're not listening to it anymore. Hope your dreams turn to happier things soon.

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Yes I do dream of my parents after 19 years. I also wanted to add any interesting thing I read. Once upon a time before electricity, people went to bed right after dark. There was no TV or such entertainment so people enjoyed their dreams which were often about the deceased in their lives. Since people did not understand dreams, they felt they were being visited by the dead- thus the belief in ghosts who wanted to steal the life from the dreamer.

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My dad died 21+ plus ago. I still have dreams about him. Sometimes they are pleasant sometimes they aren't. It's fairly common but if they are causing you distress you might want to see a counselor.

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When my father first died in a car accident at the age of 56, I was pregnant with my first child. I told him I was pregnant and he died the following day. For many years I’d have the same dream over and over and over that he left us and went none of us knew where he was, but he was alive living a new life somewhere else in a witness protection program. I used to dream that I was wishing he would Walk through the door again so we could be together. I never dream about him anymore nor do I dream about my mother or my deceased brother but I wish I would. I would love to dream about them again. I miss them so much

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My mom died 5 mo. Ago of Huntington disease. I dream of her when she was in her 40’s as oppose to 77 when she passed. I actually like dreaming about her and don’t want it to end. I believe in the next life and feel that I will see her again. I don’t think they are just dead… their spirit lives on until eternity. That is my Catholic belief system.

Try to enjoy the vivid dreams… instead of pushing them aside.. they love you and are telling you they are close by…

Good luck with your grief process.

-AR

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I wouldn't say I dream regularly about my father (who passed in 2013) but my first dream of him was very emotional for me. All four of us (parents & sister) were in a garage staring at a map on a table (doesn't make sense) and well...at the end of the dream he looked at me with teary eyes (never have seen him cry before) and he looked right into my eyes and told me, "everything was going to be ok." He said it in a very serious emotional way. Just talking about it makes me emotional. Every since then, on occasion, I'll dream that he just walked out the door and I missed him or I hear him in another room and I go there and he's gone. Stuff like that.

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In dream work that I did for many years we learned that everyone in our dreams are part of ourselves. The mom part of you is walking again? Soon after my dad died I had a recurring dream that my dad wasn't dead, rather hanging out in an underground bar with a bunch of other old men, kind of like Robin Hood types. They stole from the rich and gave to poor children. When I told my mom about the dream she got really mad about him being in a bar. She would have never allowed such behavior, but she liked the idea of giving to poor children. In the same dream my mom had a knitting shop upstairs from the bar. She liked that part too and I still like the entire dream. Now that Mom is gone, I dream about her a lot. She's part of me. My sister has always been in my dreams.

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you haven’t mentioned that whether your sister is still here , is she ok? I always dreamed about my sister and mom , we would hang out in the mall shopping, because that’s what we used to do before my sister passed.

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Texangal....
Ya, I've had dreams about both of my parents after losing them.
The dreams are always happy dreams, just reliving doing things together, always my mother and I laughing hard about something.
I miss them both so terribly, and a family dog, too....Stag. I get real sad sometimes. They were the ones I was closest too, all my life. So, I face my future pretty much alone.....the Lord Jesus Christ has become Numero Uno now, and that's not a bad thing. I love to dance and worship my King!
But, yes....I've had many happy dreams of my dear, wonderful parents. I document most of these dreams look at later. It helps me somehow.
May the peace of God be with your spirit. 💜🕊💜

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I too have dreams about my Mom who is still living, I hope she lives forever but now she’s already 96, like you I always dream about doing happy things like shopping and sitting in a coffee shop tasting different pastries with my sister (who had passed last year October), I like my dreams with them, those dreams are mundane but those are the little things we used to do…happy dreaming

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usually i have dreams that my parents are around but they never talk. some dreams are ok and others weird - your parents will always be in your memories, always in your heart and many many times in your dreams. try to think good thoughts so you go to sleep with good things happening in the dream. we can't control these sometimes. just enjoy seeing them again.

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My father passed away in 1999 and for an entire year after my father passed away I saw him very often in my dreams. In those dreams, I saw my mother, who was still alive at that time, and my father but he was always in the background. About a year later my mother passed away. A few days before my mother died, I had a dream that I visited my parents’ house and as I walked into the kitchen they were both busy cleaning up their kitchen. Little did I know at the time that my father came back to help prepare my mother for her death. After my mother passed, I did not have anymore dreams about my father or my mother. I came to the realization that he was always present in my dreams because he was waiting for my mother to die so she could join him on the other side.

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What a beautiful thing your father did for your mom, that’s love…

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Texangal81: Although I could have had a nightmare about the day on Good Friday, March 24, 1967, which was the night my late father left his house via ambulance with a massive coronary and never returned, I never did. I lived with and took care of my late mother from out of state when she passed away on January 24, 2014 from an ischemic stroke. Prayers sent, dear Texangal.

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My mom was a lovely woman until Alzheimer's hit. She passed away 10 years ago. Most of my dreams about her revolve around her aggravating me, which she did when she had Alzheimer's, and Hubby and I took care of her for 5 yrs. During this Alzheimer's time, she'd sometimes insist on wearing shoes of a different color, she'd want to walk left when I wanted her to walk right, etc. She does these things in my dreams, which are amusing and aggravating at the same time. Every now and then, she comes back with a nice and loving demeanor, as my dad does. I think Shakespeare said, "To sleep, per chance to dream." I guess I'd tweak it to say, "to have nice dreams."

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Probably for some tomorrow.

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In 2016, we cared for my dad at home during the short time it took him to pass away from colon cancer. Initially, I would just have really bad memories of the moment of his death come to my (waking) mind. Then he appeared briefly in one dream, and he has been present in at least one bad dream. My mother is still living, but just recently I dreamed about both her and my father---and they were throwing a big party!

If you were a caregiver for your folks, and have also been present at the death of your parent, of course you have PTSD and that may lead to bad dreams. Bad thoughts, bad dreams---I think they are all part of the shock of that experience.

Perhaps your dreams will transition to happy dreams (a party?), but if they don't, I think they will fade over time. Be kind to yourself, and also to your unconscious mind while you transition through this process.

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My father passed away of lung cancer chemo treatments in 2004 and I remember one dream in particular. In the dream, he was sitting on one of those tables in a doctor's office and had been given a clean bill of health. I was trying to get in touch with my family to tell them the good news and was ecstatic that daddy was going to be okay.

Of course upon waking I remembered that he was gone. That dream stuck with me for some reason, but if I still have dreams about daddy, I don't remember them.

My twin brother died in 2019 and I have not dreamed about him at all that I am aware.

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Yes! Both of my parents have been gone for nearly 25 years but I still see them in my dreams off and on. These are pleasant dreams that often take place in the home I grew up in. We moved from that home when I was 18, I am now 67.
I do not find these dreams disturbing at all in fact they usually amuse me. My brother says he dreams of that house too, so I do not think it's anything to worry about.

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My Dad passed unexpectedly when I was 26 yrs old. He and I we're very close. That was 44 years ago. We didn't get to say our good byes. It was horrible grief. Many years later I had a dream where I saw my dad in a place i was familiar with but a place we had never been together. He looked at me, never acknowledging my presence. I was crushed and it bothered me for years. Then i had another dream years later. Funny that I was in the exact place as the first dream but this time, Daddy looked at me and smiled. I was euphoric! I've never dreamed of him again.
I had an abusive husband for 40+ yrs. He finally passed from a rare disease. I kept having dreams of him screaming and yelling at me. I finallyI realized that I had forgotten one of many many places he wanted his ashes scattered. Once i placed his remaining ashes at the site, all dreams of him stopped.
My job was finally done for this man. I served my time,

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It is interesting that you said,” I have done my time”, I find some sense of humor in the sentence. Am I wrong? I am happy that you are peaceful now.

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No I do not dream of my dear wife that passed away after 62 years of marriage
we moved in an assisted living place. wife also had dementia, after two years they moved her in Memory care, there I ate the three meals with her every day , took her for a car ride almost every day even on the lock down, could go for a ride as long as I did not stop or even open a door or roll down a window,
She is gone about one year ago, and some time at night in bed I am afraid to move too much on her side afraid I may push her off the bed, But she's not there.

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Both of my parents have been dead for a number of years, and I was not tasked with caring for them because I was the one who moved away, and my siblings did it. However, I now have been taking care of my husband for sixteen years. In my dreams I am rarely more than 23 years old, my home is the home I grew up in, and my parents are present and are middle aged, and are lovely to be with. I feel my dreams help me be so thankful for my wonderful childhood that I accept the not-so-wonderful years that came when I was an adult, and especially the last sixteen years. I talk to my friends whose lives seem much better than mine now, and they will tell of hard childhoods and difficult parents. I tell myself it all evens out in the end.

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I dream a lot about my dad who died two years ago from stage 4 gastric cancer. Although he lived with my mom, I took him to all his appointments for the last two years of his life. I was much closer to him than to my mom, although my relationship with him was no less traumatic.
In dreams, we’re just hanging out and doing things we might have done in life. I know he’s dead in the dream, but sometimes he says he’s allowed back for some reason. I miss him a lot and do need his guidance on dealing with my mom who has MCI. He was the only one who she’d listen to, and it’s difficult dealing with her, especially now that she’s been living with me for the past four months.
I just think we dream about our dead parents because of unresolved issues whether stemming from love or hate. We need to work things out for ourselves now that they’re gone and there’s no more accounting. I don’t think it matters whether they appear in nightmares or pleasant dreams, it’s the crap they left us with and now it’s up to us. I firmly do not believe, as a relative once indicated, that they’re trying to contact us ‘from beyond the grave’. Dreams are all about us and not about them. Once you stop feeling guilt, anger, grief, whatever it may be, they’ll just go away. It’s just our own brains projecting what they might think, say, do, if they could come back and interact with us. I found that writing down the dreams helps to diffuse the situation, and their appearance changes as we deal with our issues with them. Obviously, I’m in therapy too and that helps ;-D.

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I definitely think you can get PTSD after taking care of someone who is Ill . With My Mom I had the worst 2 weeks of my life after she was released from a rehab . The VNA Nurse didn't show up till a couple weeks later and we called 911 . She died a few months later . My brother fell just as I got her to a nursing home and he had stage 4 cancer so after she died I brought my brother to live with me and after several months I was burnt out and he was admitted to ICU - stage 4 cancer and he had to go to a rehab. it was a relief . The hardest Part was my Mom was brain dead and kept alive by machines and we turned off the machines . My brother was hospice and deciding on the morphine . I got very sick for 2 months afterwards . terribly Ill . I dreamt of my friend Peter that winter and he died May 2018 and another friend Miles I dreamt of him in January 2018 and he Passed February 2018 . I hadn't seen these people in Years . I had to take care of properties and My Dad and I only had a break June 2019 - June 2020 . I had to deal with a tenant who committed suicide in 2019 . Oh yes you can get PTSD from caretaking - I have seen it . One Hospice Nurse had a bad nervous breakdown . My friend was worn out from taking care of his Housemate for 3 years who had bad dementia . I find I go to bed earlier and tire easily . If your dealing with odd behavior the body doesn't always Know how to process this information . If you are making Life and death decisions That wears on the Body and brain . Burn out is real . Maybe you should find a grief counselor - even if you go once for 3 - 4 Hours and they can help you process the pain . I know after another brother died I wanted to sleep and finally I went to a grief counselor and we talked for 3 and a half Hours before Mothers day . She said to me " You didn't lose a bother you Lost a son . " Which really made sense to me . I believe in a afterlife and reincarnation . My Mom Pops up occasionally in My dreams and its like she is still alive . She said in one dream " what happened to my apartment ? " So yes It takes time to heal the trauma and your Body it can take even a few years to recover if you were running on adrenaline . There is a strong component with your Kidneys and adrenaline and panic attacks and PTSD .

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Thank you for sharing your story, you are the super hero in the family, the compliment is from the bottom of my heart, take very good care of yourself now, after all the experiences of taking care of people, you have armed yourself with more knowledge and emotional fortress to ward off feelings that might cause distress unnecessarily, of course I understand as human beings we have feelings no matter what. 🙏

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When my almost 90 yr old dad died(he developed sepsis and heart infection from mrsa while in rehab ) and i made the decision to choose hospice vs putting in feeding tube, picc line for 8 weeks of iv antibiotics and have him bedridden in rehab for another 2 months, i had terrible nightmares. They started the day of his wake - i took a nap before going to wake with mom and my brother and dreamt that he was throwing knives at me and trying to stab me for killing him. I had a few other dreams like this and then others where he was sick and i was holding him(i spent 2 months daily in rehab with him before he got the infection. I have PTSD and all the therapy in the world hasnt helped - also 4 yrs now...coincidentally caring 24/7 for my 91 yr old mom now for almost 4 yrs...i thought i would have no regrets - caring for both parents for so many years and yet the hospice decision guilt for dad wipes that all away - its life altering.

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You made the right decision for hospice! And your compassion is huge to have done what you have for your parents. Bad dreams are scary and you know in your heart you are very brave -it took me awhile to FORGIVE myself for decisions I made taking care of my demented mom. Forgive yourself and your parents -it is to me the key to freedom from guilt and some kinda peace and know as a fellow caretaker my heart goes out to you and the difficulties you have had to face 🌊

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Dreaming of your mother's being upset that you had emptied her closet and re-done her house suggests you might have felt guilty or "disloyal" by doing that. But you are the person who remains physically present in the house, so it makes sense to arrange it for your own comfort and convenience. Maybe you worry that your mother would think you did not love her or want to remember her. Reassure her that you love her and thank her for teaching you how to manage a household.

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My mom passed three and a half years ago and I dream regularly about her. In fact I dreamed about her this morning and it was a good dream. I’m always surprised when I wake up. It takes me several seconds before I realize she’s gone. I also dream about my dad sometimes and he passed in 1994. Never a bad dream.
I DO have bad dreams. Just not about them. I used to have bad dreams about my college classes. I haven’t done my homework and the semester is almost over and there’s going to be a test. I graduated in 1988.The dreams stopped a couple of years ago. The bad dreams I have now are that I’m still teaching school and the children won’t behave. I stopped teaching elementary school 13 years ago. Or, it’s the first day of school and I wasn’t given any time to plan my lessons or set up my room. And, then, there are the “hiding from bad people dreams.”

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Does anyone dream regularly about their dead parents?

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