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I don't know that I would go all the way to "evil" when describing my FIL....but I could probably get close. A man who was physically, emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive of his children now expects and depends on them to take care of him 100%..and yet he can't find a single word of appreciation or stop being verbally, mentally or emotionally abusive even when they are taking care of him. He is a toxic narcissist and I would never choose to be in the same room with him if it weren't for my husband. I hate that my dh and his sister thought that their father was a "normal" father and even worse I hate how sad they both were when they realized he wasn't normal. They both deserved so much more. All people who have parents like that deserve more.
I hated mine as long as I can remember, childhood was a doozy. But I realized she was actually evil the time she had called and left me several minutes long crying/shrieking voicemails that she was in so much pain she didn't know what to do. I immediately called back and no answer, and after a few messages on the answering machine begging her to press her emergency pendant if she could hear me I went ahead and called a friend from my hometown and 911.
My friend put me on speakerphone when she got there, right after the police arrived, and you should have heard the HILARIOUS LAUGHTER (actual witch cackling). After leaving me those messages she had gotten bored and went next door to hang out with a neighbor. Then they all came back to my moms house and were drinking a glass of wine together. Thought it was the absolute funniest thing ever that I had called 911. Never occurred to her to follow up and let me know she was fine. She "hadn't thought" to check her answering machine and hear MY desperate messages.
Anyway that was the last time I fell for one of her phony emergencies and I remind myself of her absolute evil whenever I find myself feeling sorry for her.
I do. And I was looking through old posts right now, searching for the word “evil”, to see whether others have been in this position. I see there are many posts about “evil” elderly mothers.
Some victims have the following religious attitude: “God is my witness. I know all the good things I’ve done for her. God sees how cruelly she treats me.”
I haven’t figured out what attitude I want. I send you empathy. My Mom is definitely sometimes evil. And she’s really enjoying her elderly position, of playing “poor me”, while in reality being the one who’s torturing her daughter.
I recently found someone to replace me, so I can be more out of the picture.
Me. I am fed up with her horrible behaviors. Pure evil. Trying my best to be good to myself & tune her out my mind outside of when I phone her daily or go up twice a month. She was terrible to my Dad and to everyone in our family.. Sure is confusing....
My mother had been verbally and physically abusive to me and my siblings when we were children. Pure evil. My father chose to ignore what was going on. I really think if she seriously hurt one of us my father would have taken steps to help cover it up. My mother hasn’t changed, she’s the same person she was back then. What has changed is we now have help coming in in the mornings and afternoons and that has allowed my siblings and me to get some distance again.
My mom has just passed, and while she could be a little 'biting' and chose her favorites, she was NEVER mean.
My MIL, on the other hand, straight from the bowels of hell. Mean when I first met her (before I had met my DH) and meaner every year that passes. As 90% of the 'hate' is directed at ME, it's kind of hard to explain to people, so I just don't.
Haven't spoken to nor seen her in 2 years, Of course, DH thinks I am supposed to be the bigger person and just keep forgiving her for her nastiness. I. Just. Can't.
Maybe if I were a better person, but right now, nope.
I did point out to my DH (at mother's funeral a month ago) that HE has not seen MY mother in over 3 years. And I was hassling him about visiting and being a better person. Maybe the difference is, my mom loved my DH whereas I KNOW beyond a doubt that my MIL wishes I would die. Preferably yesterday.
There's only one sure way to figure out if she's an evil witch. Go old school on her. Throw her into a lake. If she floats, she's a witch, if she drowns she wasn't one.
“How can I stop my mother from controlling me and taking over my life? Many answers are from people who seem to have lovely mothers. This answer is for people who have controlling mothers: You can stop her by taking control of your own life. Depend on her for nothing. If you are financially independent, she can’t hang money over your head. If you don’t care about her opinion, she can’t hurt you with her judgement. The more independent you are, the less she has to control you with. Give her no ammunition to use against you. Don’t ask her for help with anything. If she realizes she can’t control you directly, she may send others as emissaries. Ignore them. Remain neutral. Do not explain anything to them, send them back to her with nothing to report. If she has no respect for boundaries, you must set them and then keep them. Next step, if those boundaries are ignored, restrict contact or go no-contact for a time. Next step, move away. Last step. No contact at all. Make decisions based on what’s best for you, not her. Be good. Be happy. Don’t rely on a controlling mother for happiness. That, you must find elsewhere. Good luck. You can do it. Lots of us have.”
Soun, since mom thinks YOU'RE evil, consider telling her to sit down and shut up while you are tending Aunt.
If you are going to subject yourself to her, you might as well stop being nice to her. Don't yell, don't cuss, just "get out of my sight while I help".
When this crisis is over, I would consder calling Adult Protective Services and telling them about your mother's false accusations against you. And the presence of your kind aunt, about whom you worry in the face of this hag.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I hate that my dh and his sister thought that their father was a "normal" father and even worse I hate how sad they both were when they realized he wasn't normal. They both deserved so much more. All people who have parents like that deserve more.
My friend put me on speakerphone when she got there, right after the police arrived, and you should have heard the HILARIOUS LAUGHTER (actual witch cackling). After leaving me those messages she had gotten bored and went next door to hang out with a neighbor. Then they all came back to my moms house and were drinking a glass of wine together. Thought it was the absolute funniest thing ever that I had called 911. Never occurred to her to follow up and let me know she was fine. She "hadn't thought" to check her answering machine and hear MY desperate messages.
Anyway that was the last time I fell for one of her phony emergencies and I remind myself of her absolute evil whenever I find myself feeling sorry for her.
Some victims have the following religious attitude: “God is my witness. I know all the good things I’ve done for her. God sees how cruelly she treats me.”
I haven’t figured out what attitude I want. I send you empathy. My Mom is definitely sometimes evil. And she’s really enjoying her elderly position, of playing “poor me”, while in reality being the one who’s torturing her daughter.
I recently found someone to replace me, so I can be more out of the picture.
My MIL, on the other hand, straight from the bowels of hell. Mean when I first met her (before I had met my DH) and meaner every year that passes. As 90% of the 'hate' is directed at ME, it's kind of hard to explain to people, so I just don't.
Haven't spoken to nor seen her in 2 years, Of course, DH thinks I am supposed to be the bigger person and just keep forgiving her for her nastiness. I. Just. Can't.
Maybe if I were a better person, but right now, nope.
I did point out to my DH (at mother's funeral a month ago) that HE has not seen MY mother in over 3 years. And I was hassling him about visiting and being a better person. Maybe the difference is, my mom loved my DH whereas I KNOW beyond a doubt that my MIL wishes I would die. Preferably yesterday.
I do think some mothers are evil, especially towards their daughter. Probably jealous of her youth and beauty.
Much like Snow White, Cinderella…common theme. An evil older woman against a young, pretty woman.
How do you beat evil?
At least you'll know!
“How can I stop my mother from controlling me and taking over my life?
Many answers are from people who seem to have lovely mothers. This answer is for people who have controlling mothers:
You can stop her by taking control of your own life. Depend on her for nothing.
If you are financially independent, she can’t hang money over your head.
If you don’t care about her opinion, she can’t hurt you with her judgement.
The more independent you are, the less she has to control you with. Give her no ammunition to use against you. Don’t ask her for help with anything.
If she realizes she can’t control you directly, she may send others as emissaries. Ignore them. Remain neutral. Do not explain anything to them, send them back to her with nothing to report.
If she has no respect for boundaries, you must set them and then keep them.
Next step, if those boundaries are ignored, restrict contact or go no-contact for a time.
Next step, move away.
Last step. No contact at all.
Make decisions based on what’s best for you, not her. Be good. Be happy. Don’t rely on a controlling mother for happiness. That, you must find elsewhere. Good luck. You can do it. Lots of us have.”
If you are going to subject yourself to her, you might as well stop being nice to her. Don't yell, don't cuss, just "get out of my sight while I help".
When this crisis is over, I would consder calling Adult Protective Services and telling them about your mother's false accusations against you. And the presence of your kind aunt, about whom you worry in the face of this hag.
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