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Holiday get togethers were always a stressful event in my dysfunctional family and DH and I dreaded them. After my mother passed in 2018, I finally got out of the 40+ years of F.O.G.
So in 2019, we did not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my father who was in a lovely ALF. I refused to subject myself to his ranting and swearing any longer. He had NPD and ASPD. I was shocked he never got evicted. We hid at home just the 2 of us. No guilt, no regrets.
Now that both folks are gone, I went NC with my siblings as well. My life is so much more peaceful without toxic people in it. We stay home and binge watch movies and TV shows all day.
Do what is best for for YOU. Everyone else will get over it. Good luck!
{{{HUGS}}}
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Yes, I want to skip Thanksgiving AND Christmas this year. And all just so I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with mother. A long story I won't go into. I just wanted to sympathize with you.
Sorry i don't have any brilliant advice.
I do believe though that honesty IS always the best policy.
If i were in your same situation, I would probably tell my mother, "I'm sorry, but D and I are just going to use Thanksgiving Day as a day off - from everything."
And then maybe order a full meal from a GOOD restaurant and take it over there.
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We are. After 6 weeks of unexpected hands on care and getting mom placed in assisted living we are tired. She will have been in the facility less than 2 weeks. They are having a big party. I'll cook the turkey before hand and have a week of little cooking.....
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I have never been overly fond of the Thanksgiving idea. It's down to 4 of us - me, my 102 year old father, my brother and his wife who has Altzheimers. I cook because I'm expected to cook, not because I enjoy it or even want to do it. No options to go out - dad can't get out and the restaurants are mobbed on Thanksgiving Day. I think I get through it by thinking that this might be the last year that we are all together.
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Can we skip 2022

Things haven't been going that well since 2020.
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