To put it really bluntly, I feel like the family has dropped off their kid at the pool. I tried to get things set up and into place about seven months ago, as far as what I thought was needed and would be needed in the near future. Mobility and stability items. I have been his live-in caregiver for nine months, he has Parkinson’s and is 74 years old. He also has some very difficult behaviors, pretty much narcissistic behaviors. This just adds to the problems here and with no support of any kind, I feel drained and exhausted. I’ve told him many times that he needs 2 caregivers, and he just gets angry. And it’s not that he can’t pay for an extra caregiver. The whole house needed organization and so I was working between 12 and 16 hours every day and not even a day off for the first month. I’ve got it down to about 12 hours now daily. I work on my days off at least a couple of hours, and sometimes more. The family doesn’t even do anything on holidays, which I am supposed to have the six major holidays off during the year but it never happens and I end up working. It’s very frustrating and I’m really surprised I’ve hung in there this long. A couple family members have gotten upset with me because I have called them out on their BS, and still no assistance from them. So I can at least say that their lack of understanding isn’t my fault, I’ve made them aware and they just choose to ignore I guess. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you
You dont owe this man anything or his family. Just leave. I would not put myself through what you're doing. I have to care for my husband with Parkinson's, but you're not even related to this man. His family is taking advantage of you and they don't care. The only way they're going to do something is if you quit. They know as long as you continue to care for this man that they have it made. I know I would have already quit. Friend or no friend.
Take care and bless you.
You're not going to get any help from them, and I guarantee you they're all working hard together to make sure the status quo stays exactly how it is. They will be very greedy with their time and assistance, but generous indeed with their criticism on how you're managing it. They will also be at the front of the line with their hands out when it's time to collect an inheritance.
You're not even a relative of his? Just a friend? I wish I had a friend like you.
Stop doing this. Unless you're getting paid handsomely or expect to receive an outstanding inheritance, it's not worth it. Sometimes it's not even worth it when you are. Let me tell you something from experience. I've had caregiving jobs where the family expected me to cover everything of the day-to-day life and they did nothing. That's all right by me most of the time if the price is right. I learned to make some things very clear to the families of anyone I take work for. I take holidays off without exception and I make this known straight away on day one. I will not hesitate leave their "loved one" in the lurch if they fail make other arrangements. My pay is non-negotiable for any reason and I get paid on the same day every week come hell or high water. I've had a few who tried to pull the 'can I pay you next week' or 'he/she just doesn't have the funds right now and they love you so much' That's my favorite one. In which case I always tell them they need to reach into their own pockets then, don't they? There's always the most crystal clear of understandings that if my pay is not there, then I don't show up for work until it is. I do the same for any other caregivers I bring in on any of my jobs if needs change and additional care becomes necessary. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of by a family, because they will take advantage if they're allowed to.
If he will not be reasonable about the need for additional caregivers, and his family won't be either then I say walk away.
Drop him off at the ER of a hospital and hand the nurse his family members contact information. Then let that be the end of it.
As for your holidays that family is to cover - send a group text, email, or do conference call with them and specifically state: I will be gone from 8am Monday until 9pm Friday for XX holiday and time with my friends/family. Please make sure that you work together to arrange coverage for his care. I have already reserved a room/paid for travel/etc and will not be there during that week. Who will be arriving at 8am Monday to start the first shift? Do this now to announce the very first holiday that you should be off in 2021.
If you get no replies and no commitment from them, find someone to fill this time off for you and have your friend write a check for what it will cost BEFORE you go. You can pay caregiver when you return, but you won't be arguing with him after the work has been done. If he refuses to give you payment in advance, then dial the phone for him to call his relatives and he can tell them to come. I would record the phone call as well.
More than likely they ignore your requests because it worked at least one time. You may have created the problem of them taking advantage of you. Time to reverse that way of thinking.
I think its time to look for another job. Unless you have a contract saying differently, you can be nice and give 2 weeks notice as a courtesy but that isn't a law. And if in that 2 weeks ur client or his family has not made plans, and you think leaving will cause your client to be neglected, you can call APS and tell them your are leaving, have given sufficient notice, nothing has been done to find a replacement and you feel your client is vunerable.
If you didn't do it with this client please do it with the next. Get a contract. Make sure those hiring you take out for income and SS taxes. They need to match those SS deductions or it will cause u problems with the amount of money u can collect.
Have they hired you privately or through an agency? If privately as they properly handing employment records, deductions, taxes etc? What are the labour standards where you live?
As long as you cover the holidays, work 12 hour days etc, neither your client, nor his family will change their behaviour. Here in BC you get a day off with pay for every Stat/Bank holiday, plus you get 2 weeks holiday each year. If you work the stat, you are paid 1.5 times your base pay and if you work more than 8 hours you would get double time.
First step, check your local labour laws.
Second step, only work the hours your are legally contracted to work. If it is your day off and you are asked to work, say no, sorry, you will have to call your family to help it is my day off.
Third, do not work on the 6 holiday days you are entitled to. Get up in the morning and go out for the day. You do not have to give any explanation of how you are spending you time, they are not paying for it.
Four, look into other employment options.
Five, unless it is in your contract, stop organizing the house. If cleaning is part of your job, have a list of what is and what is not included and stick to it.
You mention your client is a Narc. Likely the family has had enough of dealing with the NPD behaviours, and thought hiring someone to look after him in his home would work. But you do not have to take abuse from anyone. Keep a record of events.
How about giving 2 weeks notice and moving on? Good caregivers are hard to find. You can find another job, no worries.