From your experience, doe the POA have the right to delegate tasks to famly members as well as bills? My brother who is POA states he can. His leadership style is very authoritive and he often delegates tasks without speaking to the individual first instead and asking if they are ok or comfortable with the task. I asked him not to do this as it is disrespectful.
He is threatening getting authorities involved against other siblings for possible lack to follow through with tasks or what he considers neglect.
The home equity loan against the home is not fully in effect due to him stating "the bank is losing docuements ,every slow" etc. He is demanded loans with family members to help pay for home care for her. To protect myself, I told him I need a document in writing, with certain conditions and one approved by my attorney before doing an unofficial home loan. In my experience, unofficial home loans with family members is not the smartest thing to do.
Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, any advice.
Honestly, there is so much infighting between siblings as hard as it will be to do this, making my mother ward of the state might be the better option.
Brother probably knows quite well that he can’t force the ‘demands’. Legal advice is a waste of time and money. More sensible to have a (moderated?) discussion about care realities. Does another of you want to take on the POA responsibilities to help her stay at home?
A rant: I know this doesn't directly respond to the poster's query, but these are realities of family dynamics and caring for our elders. My two sisters and I were never emotionally close, and when our formerly ultra-independent mom got 'old' and needed physical assistance with daily living, our diverse careers, financial situations, and physical distance placed us even more emotionally apart as we each 'dealt' with mom in our own ways. Inevitable squabbles about specifics [finances, her mortgage-free house, AL], and her emotional comfort levels about her living conditions ensued.
Thankfully, at this moment, mom's safe in a nice AL facility, with her beloved cat (the one thing that keeps her going). It was dicey, but we all got through it. But darn it, it was a huge project that went on for five years to 'get' her there, physically and emotionally, and it's ongoing [one sis does finances but can't do the emotional; the other does the hands-on stuff; I had to leave the state after five years of living with mom, for financial reasons, and for the constant flack I endured from each sis, who disagreed with everything I did or didn't do, while they did nothing]. We're a fractured 'family', and probably won't have any meaningful communication after mom passes.
I apologize. I don't usually go this deep into my emotional stuff.
And now I'm starting to worry that her (formerly?) comfortable financial resources will wear out, and she won't be able to stay at the nice AL facility. She's 96, has dementia, yet is physically, going strong. Four or ? years more? It's physically possible. I've long ago accepted that I will inherit nothing. But gosh, given the changes in American cultural norms of intergenerational households, there needs to be SOMETHING in its place. I'm sorry to dump this on the younger generations.
His statements that the bank is losing documents and is very slow makes me wonder if there's another issue going on that he's not telling you. Did he suddenly realize that there would be an obligation to pay back the loan? My advice about a personal loan to family members is NEVER loan more money than you can afford to GIVE away, because (especially in this case) you may never see that money again.
If there isn't money to pay for care now, why would there be money later to pay back loans? Is her house really worth a lot? What if the real estate market crashes by the time she's gone and you're ready to sell? What if it needs major repairs before you could sell? Many older folks don't keep up with home repairs.
Definitely talk to a lawyer before giving him anything.