I hear about all the mom's and rightfully so. There are always issues between mother's and family, but I'm curious if anyone doesn't want dad staying with them anymore?
I know when I had to live with dad for a little while, I could not take him. He was from the old school country belief, daughters do not provide for their fathers and wwhhhoooee was he a handful. Especially with the Alzheimer's kicking in at that point.
So is it really just all about mom?
I value this second chance, and count each moment as precious. He says some strange things, and I just smile. Doesn't matter. He can't help it. He acts really weird at times, and I let that slide, too. But he can smile and laugh. He loves our visits. My whole family was there today, and I invited him to walk outside in the beautiful sunshine. Instead, he got distracted by a room full of people gathered, and took me to a church service there. I didn't want to go, but he did. So I follow his lead. Sometimes he follows mine. My time with him is usually relaxing, and often fun. We laugh together. There's missing things, because he's lost the ability to communicate effectively, but it's OK. Things aren't perfect. But what in life is?
I told my sister that I get along better with Dad now that he has Alzheimer's, than I did growing up. She scornfully pointed out about what that may say about me. It's true that he doesn't know about my daily joys and struggles, or what I'm doing outside his facility. But I am no longer vying for his attention or competing with his employer, wife, hobbies, TV, etc. I have no expectations of him. Now he's "in the moment," with me, and usually they are pretty good ones. Life is reduced to fragments of time together, and has become much simpler. Some day I will relish these precious memories, and never regret the time I take to spend with Dad.
I know not every family has that experience, but living in a family where caring for family was just a natural part of life, I think we bypassed alot of the strife by expecting things to work out even if they were hard - it diffused alot of arguments and taught me to manage stress by separating the action from the intention.
I would be interested to hear other people's tough stories - I have seen very large Alzheimers patients managed by one CNA and I have seen how hard it is too.
I'm just curious about the dynamic about it all. Is it easier to take care of dad over mom since we hear about wanting mom's out of the house.
Good perception to consider.
Just a thought - - It may be that many people's mothers took care of their husbands & later when they needed care themselves, their children stepped up to help.