About 2 months ago my husband of 42 years decided that his mother who is nearly 90 move in with us since he was afraid of her living alone. Although I am trying my best to cope she has been so miserable and nasty and mean ... she loves to gossip about me - tell lies about me behind my back to anyone who will listen ... I do virtually everything for her and she treats me worse than a slave .... I have complained to my husband but he is turning a deaf ear to me saying "what do you suggest I do with her?" I told him that we should be looking in to assisted senior living for her as she is almost completely deaf - she hardly eats anything and when she does she does nothing but complain without end about the food, the temperature, the repetition of the menu, etc .... I am myself not a well person with a heart condition, diabetes and MS. I am at my wits end ... he won't consider a senior facility thinking that putting her in that "nursing home environment" will certainly kill her ... what about me ?? Don't I count for anything ??
Maybe you are a victim of "all or nothing thinking".
Mil cannot live alone:
1) That does not mean she requires 24/7 care or supervision, so give her a big goodbye kiss too (red lipstick) as your hubs leaves "honey, can you drop me off at the hairdresser?"
Mil came to live at your home:
2) That does not mean she was destitute, and may have an income. A Carte Blanc to spend her money on her. Mom, here is a new lift chair, and a matching one for your son.
Mil does not like the food you prepare:
3) Use her ATM card to order food delivered, expensive, to her liking, and for the whole family.
Mil and you could become shopping buddies. Either online, or at a store:
4) She is expected to pay now, cause with all that good good expensive food she likes, your grocery bill just skyrocketed!
Mil complains and gossips about you:
5) After the incident where you accidentally put your new red undies in the wash (with her clothes), you have become actually incompetent to be allowed to do her laundry, so she pays for her laundry to be picked up and delivered by the cleaners.
"Mom, I know you like your sheets ironed, so I sent them out too".
As for the kiss:
6) Refer to number 1.
Start making plans to be out of the house all day. Let him figure out what to do with her. If you do have to be home with her, stop 'jumping' the minute she wants something. Make her wait. Make her KNOW you are making her wait.
IMO, you didn't say anything to get deleted about.
HE decided she would move in? Were you bound and gagged and locked in a closet when she stepped over your threshold ? Somewhere along the line you must have given him some hint you’d “give it a try”.
Wanting to be a good member in standing of The “I Kiss My Mother And Father’s Behind” Club, my husband told me once that his mentally challenged sister would be coming to live with us because his parents said she would. She was spoiled, coddled,demanding and could do nothing for herself. We’d only been married for about 15 years at that time (we also have been married for 44 years) but I put up a fight the likes of which had never been seen before or since. Little Sis went to live with her sister.
If youre unhappy, do something about it! Refuse to cook. Tell him it’s his turn! If he doesn’t, take a couple dollars and get Mickey D’s for just yourself. Leave some Assisted Living brochures lying around. When she starts her engines, tell her you’ve had enough of it and go to another room. Slamming doors can help but my grandma used to do that and my grandpa took the door off the hinges. Let Deaf Ear know exactly how you feel. Like I said, as long as you let these two use you, they will be more than happy to.