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So many of the people responding to this feed don't understand the laws and regulations in long-term care communities. I keep seeing people saying "ask to see the incident report." You can't see the incident report because it is not part of the resident's medical record. Incident reports are used for tracking only. They want to see if there are any similarities in incidents within the facility such as the time of day of specific staff involvement.

The woman's family if they are the POA (power of attorney) can ask to see her records but not his (HIPPA). There are so many unanswered questions here. Does either of the two residents involved have dementia? What exactly do you mean by flirting, is any physical contact involved. If not, then no you can't charge the man with a felony or assault!!

The best thing the family could do is set up a meeting with the home and asked more questions. If this woman is being bothered by the man there are things the home can try without violating either resident's rights.

The family should call their local Long-term Care Ombudsman office and have them investigate. The Ombudsman is the Federally Mandated Advocates for residents in long-term care. It is a free service to residents and their families and is available in all States.
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It has come to my attention that flirting CAN be a felony. My error.
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DarleneC May 2021
How about you think about the family members of the women with whom he is flirting and touching. There is no way in hell I would tolerate that and would fully expect the family members of the ‘inappropriate toucher’ to arrange (even if they have to pay) for supervision. Period. Either that or the ‘toucher’s’ family move him out. Innocent or not, it needs to stop, no matter the cost to the family member of the ‘toucher’
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do you have POA? Are there other family members around to help? I would see an estate attorney to talk about what is going on and make sure the proper documents are developed POA, Health care, Will. They should also be able to determine options for you. Another good is the local Dept. of Aging to about the situation. This kind of thing goes on in many places and am sure there are options beyond a sitter. I can't imagine there are many times when the residents are out of sight of some staff.
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This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Obviously the facility where your Dad is located has no idea of what it takes to maintain proper/reasonable care for the elderly, dementia related or not. I also presume that at 90 years old, your Dad is unable to walk...i.e..in a wheelchair. From experience (37 years as a nurse), I would not "park" him anywhere to allow such an incident to happen. To require an extra payment to maintain a 24/7 sitter is insane. Medical gouging and threats seems to be the standard for the facility you have him placed in. I would suggest that you move him if you are financially capable, if not, contact an "elder experienced" attorney. Another suggestion would be to contact the patient advocate of the facilty with your concerns. Best of luck to you.
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A few months back I received a call stating my mom was involved in an "incident" with a male resident. This gentleman decided to sit next to Mama, put his arm around her and attempted to draw her head towards his lap! She beat the crap out of him and bit him. Keep in mind she is petite, but she is a retired nurse, very passive but takes no guff from anyone. Her dementia presents in loss of short term memory and her filters have lessened as well. We were not told the identity of the resident but I was told his family was also informed. Their response was "Good for her!"
As we tend to lean towards the humor in this situation, the reality is we never know what goes on in the minds of alz/dem patients. I was encouraged that enough of my mom's true self was in her to defend herself against unwanted advance.
Here is a thought that might need looking into: has Dr checked meds on the male LO? I have read that some medications can ramp up the libido. And I agree, this seems like a shakedown.
Hope answers come your way!
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sp19690 May 2021
Maybe chemical castration of all males in these facilities is the solution.
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Be sure you have read the reports yourself. I’m sure you may be right about innocent flirting. But when my mom lived in her first assisted living, an 84 yr old man with no dementia started flirting with her. She was 78, very attractive still, but had Alzheimer’s and was in about stage 2. She was flattered and enjoyed the company. But he started asking her to marry him and when she would say no, he would just get more persistent. We helped her by explaining to him that she not only told him no but that she was medically unable to make such a decision. The staff at the AL knew this also. One day I got a call that my mom had gotten married. I was shocked! I asked her if that was true and she said no. Come to find out he had taken her (he hired a driver) to the home of a lady who had bought an online certificate to marry people, and Mom didn’t even understand it all. As time went on, Mother began to show signs of emotional and verbal use, no longer caring about her appearance, crying sometimes, etc. Her new “husband” was telling the staff and other AL residents that she was a “whore who is cheating on me.” It was a nightmare for the whole family. We had to quickly remove her to a different facility and then her dr and lawyer helped us to get first a restraining order and then an anullment. It took 2 years. The whole time Mother didn’t believe she was married because she had told him no. In a few months she forgot him. Alzheimer’s patients are so easily taken advantage of. I don’t know your dad’s state of mind. But stay close enough to know what is really going on. I hope you find a good home for him, with no other problems.
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