He and my daughter never got along. He left one day after 15 years and we divorced. The divorce was messy and emotional. She considered his conservative parenting style abusive but he never touched her. She was able to go to private school and have an upper middle class raising thanks to his help.I never had anyone else after him because I never stopped loving him. We recently reconnected and he is alone and in poor health. We are both working through that part of our lives healing and getting closure. Though the eyes of seniors now, he is 77 I am 70, we have found that we still love each other and I want to be there for his upcoming surgery. Seems forgiving him has made room in my heart to be able to do that. She has melted down giving me all kinds of ultimatums and it's breaking my heart. Any advice out there.
Maybe the daughter remembers how devastated mom was when he left and doesn't want to see that again. Maybe she thinks he will take advantage of mom now that he needs help. Maybe she doesn't want mom to bring this mess back to her home despite what mom says that she won't do.
As an adult we get to make our own choices. OP is angry that her grown daughter won't support her choice. OP does not get to dictate daughter into forgiving past issues. I certainly understand why an ultimatum is not what she was expecting. First thing is to ask daughter why she is so against this person. The fact that he paid for private school does not grant him sainthood. Find out what is really bothering your daughter first.
This is NOT a caregiving issue. It’s a marriage relationship issue and a parenting issue. I got into it because a) I have had troubles with an estranged daughter and b) I got on well with my dying ex. I thought the other posts were too one-sided. Most of us have experience with care issues, and have had little experience with either of these things, so I chipped in.
I think that we all need to chip out. OP can find other more relevant ways to deal with her problems, not a site where the expertise is about caregiving. That's if it's genuine.
Sorry, folks, I think I was followed down the wrong track.