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Ahmijoy, thank you so much for responding. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Thank you for the letter suggestion. I haven't even talked to the case manager yet and have just received one message so far, so it's not harassment yet. Any idea what he wants? Should I contact him to find out or would that be a mistake? I'm so relieved to have found this site.

My father hasn't exactly threatened me to care for him. He knows he never did a damn thing for his own parents. He was estranged from his own father and never had to face this when he died rather quickly. And he left his brother in charge of his mother when she failed. He was off doing exactly what he wanted and told him he couldn't contribute, but it was a rather short-lived situation anyway.

What he said to me was, "You're the one who's going to have to make decisions when it becomes necessary. You'd better never put me someplace!" The tone of his voice was harsh and threatening. I suspect he knows he has no right to ask me to care for him, although he'd like me to volunteer, but since I wasn't doing that, what he said next was, "If I'm in such bad shape that I have to be put someplace, then give me a fatal pill or shoot me." I told him that is a horrible thing to ask of me, it would put me in prison, and my life would be ruined. I asked why he'd would want my life to be destroyed, but he didn't even acknowlege that or respond to it. He was only focused on his own plight. My welfare after the fact was not of concern. Those are about the max amount of words I could ever fit into any conversation and I had to yell to get try and get him to listen but he continued to talk over the top of me anyway.

These conversations were always quite revealing in terms of how little he truly cares about my well-being, despite the constant love bombing. For a while I just chalked it up to him being irrational as he nears the end of his days, but it's more than that when I look back at his entire history.
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Wrecked, you are not obligated to this man for anything, legally, financially or morally. Send the caseworker a registered letter (keep a copy) saying you have no responsibility for this man. Tell her that whatever happens to him is not up to you.  Tell her they will need to find a place for him because you cannot and will not be responsible for him. Finally, tell her to stop calling you, that if she continues, you will file charges for harassment. Then block her number. It’s not your worry what happens to him. Just because he threatened you with having to care for him doesn’t mean you have to. You don’t. Be strong. You can do this.
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