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He is right - get him a reliable, patient and compassionate 'home caregiver' and both you and him will be happy. 'Honor thy father and thy mother' - says the Lord.
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tbrown62 Oct 2018
That's always the best idea, but expensive! My mom needs practically 24/7 and we are trying at home, but she does not have, nor do I, have $3,500 to $4,000 to spend each month JUST on caregivers.

Just this last week, she decided she wanted to go to rehab/nursing and was in the hospital a few days, but they was not "3-day inpatient hospital qualifying stay," so she can't get into a nursing home/rehab anyway! So frustrating all this hospital & insurance red tape. (She has Medicare and Aetna supplemental).
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Just a thought, could your sweet dad try a few hours at a Daycare facility, and give you some respite? Some Daycares offer pay by the month half- day, full-day, etc. Some may offer a 4-hour free trial as an introduction to a full-month.Some offer field trips in addition to activities during the day.
My mom was so negative about trying new things, but she eventually enjoyed "school" as she called it. To help her during the "transition" into a care home full time..we started 5x/week, then. 3x/week, then 2x/week, over 4 months. She's doing better now as the caregiver and I are able to take her on outings every week.
Please be kind to yourself, you're not being selfish, we all have limits and your overall health is very important! Best wishes!
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It sounds like a lot of people are pushing home care as an alternative. I guess it depends on the level of care you need. A home care giver is great. but, unless you have a big pocket book, it gets really expensive and its not around the clock. so, you might get a few hours of break in the afternoon, but, if he is someone that requires 24/7, still need to give the overnight attention. That is where an assisted living situation can help significantly. help him and you. then you can spend your time with him as quality. and both of you well rested. unfortunately, none of us would be having many of these conversations if it wasn't about financing. Money has to drive a lot of our decisions. most insurance does not cover home care even though you would like to keep them at home. Everyone tells me about financial programs for assistance, but, as I look in to them, they are all brick walls or my parents pension is "just" enough " to not qualify for anything. My dads va service is 90 days shy of the Korean war, so he gets nothing. my dad was a federal employee for 30 years so he doesn't even get social security. He has no medicare. basically, what ever we do is out of pocket.
but, as with more of us as care givers, eventually, the our health and mental wellbeing becomes compromised. That is a fact of the situation. That is where assisted living is helpful. AL is very expensive too, but has a lot more benefits to it than homecare. the activities, meals, socialization, outings, 24/7 etc. and, you can spend as much time as you would like visiting. and, its not like a hospital. you can take them out anytime you please. Its hard. As I said, I'm in the same boat. I have both my parents with me. so it is a touch situation. I am trying to get to assisted living for them. One step at a time.  trying 30 days respite at the same place so they can see it and get used to it.
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Your dad is so fortunate to have you looking out for his best interest. It sounds like you are experiencing what we call caregiver burnout, a time when resentment and frustration set it. It may be time to draw some boundaries, hard as it may be. Looking into home care services in your area where someone comes to your home to sit with, and assist him, while you get some “you time” a vital part piece for all caregivers mental health. Although it can be a process, contacting the VA for such services may be an option, if he’s eligible. In the meantime, give us a call and we can at least see what other option may be available while you look into the VA.
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