My 85 yr old dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but it states moderate dementia in his medical record. I spoke with his PCP ( when I was allowed) and he says all dementia falls under Alzheimer’s. This is not accurate. He has not gotten an MRI or been referred to neurologist or even a blood test to test for Alzheimer’s. My dad’s wife is not honest, she is very forgetful and is not taking proper care of him and can’t she is 85. They have stairs in home, no smoke detectors or carbon dioxide detectors. (They have gas) I live out of state and they don’t pay their bills so the one line gets cut off several times and only have her cell phone which she will not answer when I call. She can be abusive and has slapped my dad on his back and swatted at me. He has taken me off consent to get any information from the doctor. He is not in his right mind, can barely walk , has fallen and is incontinent and refuses help. I think he is no longer driving but that is just him telling me. What can I do?
Oh, install a phone landline as those of us from the boomer era can answer a landline phone blindfolded it is so ingrained into our mind. I ditched my cellphone recently as it was becoming more difficult to use (eye sight and hand/eye coordination).
Smoke detectors/carbon dioxide detectors are very easy to install. There are now dual smoke/carbon dioxide detectors within one unit that will last ten years without needing a new battery. In fact, in some areas, the local fire department are more than happy to install.
Many of us had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 is called, a trip to the hospital, then and only then can we get our elders into a senior facility where they can be cared around the clock. This might be your only choice for getting both of them help.
You CAN befriend the second wife and offer help and support and assistance which I would guess, at her age, would be greatly appreciated and perhaps take you off the enemies list and get you on as best friend.
The other thing you can do when all hope is gone and you are VERY worried is a wellness check by APS in which you will explain that this is a second marriage in which you have always had little to say but that you are worried now if wife can maintain a safe level of care with a dad not fully diagnosed and followed.
The sad truth is that if the wife is minimally taking care, and the dad when interviewed says he is OK, and the home seems not unsafe? There will be no case.
Your best bet is in helping. You keep your friends close and your enemies CLOSER.
Your Dad needs a neurologist and if he has straight Medicare, he needs no referrel. PCPs know a little about everything and a lot about nothing. Call Adult Protection services and ask that they evaluate the situation. If the wife has children, time for them to get involved. Your responsibility is to Dad. If you relationship is not that good with his wife and she has no children, then tell APS the state will need to take over her care.
IMO, they both need to be placed. You may need to see an elder lawyer about splitting their assets. Her split goes towards her care and his split to his care. When the money is gone almost gone, Medicaid is applied for.