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Has your mother not lived here very long? Maybe she's still adjusting to where things "live" - goodness knows, I've been in my new house for nearly two years and I've still not got to grips with which drawer I put the rolling pin in.
Discreetly culling possessions (only with your mother's permission, of course) might make it easier for her to spot where things have got to, too.
Thanks for all the lovely support and ideas. My Mom is doing better now. At least today. She seems to have accepted that something was stolen and part of it is due to her carelessness. I have found that it is a bit of both. Most of the things are imagined; however, some of her nicest silver jewelry is really gone (2 necklaces and several pairs of earrings). One has much sentimental value in the family. I have not been able to find it. The manager of the retirement community wants to push back on Mom a little, as it reflects poorly on the community if things are know to be stolen. It is 16 floors and cleaning people come in once a week. Unfortunately my Mom is very trusting, and would not think she had to be there since they were only there 30 minutes. She has never been prejudiced, in fact, quite the opposite. But she began to talk about things being missing some time after a new cleaner came. Things like pots and pans, glasses, mixing bowls. She doesn't cook much, so she might have given these things away. I found some of them. She also claimed a page of checks was missing and put stop payments on them. Later I found the page in a drawer. When I pointed this out, she said the cleaner did this to confuse her. I had some moments of anger with her yesterday because I get so frustrated. But I mostly try to be understanding and gentle, because this is her reality. Anyway, thanks for listening. I am the only daughter left and I don't want to bother my brothers all the time. They are younger and busy with jobs and children.
Aprilmom, on another thought, may I ask if your Grandmother [Mom's Mom] had any bias of people who weren't exactly like her in race, ethic background or religion?
Oh my gosh, my Mom's parents were so very bias, thus my Mom learned to feel the same way. Mom didn't even like doctors who were women.
My Dad lived in Independent Living and he was more than happy to have housekeeping come in to clean up and do linen service. Nothing ever was taken. Doubt many people had interest in 70 year old physics books and old books about trains :P
The OP's profile states that her mother's main difficulty is depression. The mother is in independent living.
Aprilmom, what items were listed on the complaint your mother made to the police? When you say you don't think anything is missing, have you been able to locate the articles your mother is worried about? Or is she not being that specific?
And is this one individual in particular that your mother seems to have taken against? Any reason you can think of why else she might have done, apart from suspicions of theft?
April, I believe there are times when a love one tells relatives that things are happening [such as personal things are missing] so that the family would feel sorry for the love one and move them back to their previous home.
I know its a struggle. I'm not sure if your mom has dementia and maybe this leads her to think the maid is stealing. Maybe check with her doctor and nurse and see if this might be a side effect of her medication.
I know at my grandmother's nursing home they tended to put a label on everything. And really encouraged people not to have valuables in the room. I don't know if labeling items would help your mom.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Discreetly culling possessions (only with your mother's permission, of course) might make it easier for her to spot where things have got to, too.
Oh my gosh, my Mom's parents were so very bias, thus my Mom learned to feel the same way. Mom didn't even like doctors who were women.
My Dad lived in Independent Living and he was more than happy to have housekeeping come in to clean up and do linen service. Nothing ever was taken. Doubt many people had interest in 70 year old physics books and old books about trains :P
Aprilmom, what items were listed on the complaint your mother made to the police? When you say you don't think anything is missing, have you been able to locate the articles your mother is worried about? Or is she not being that specific?
And is this one individual in particular that your mother seems to have taken against? Any reason you can think of why else she might have done, apart from suspicions of theft?
I did come across this article from Aging Care that would be helpful for this situation: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm
I know its a struggle. I'm not sure if your mom has dementia and maybe this leads her to think the maid is stealing. Maybe check with her doctor and nurse and see if this might be a side effect of her medication.
I know at my grandmother's nursing home they tended to put a label on everything. And really encouraged people not to have valuables in the room. I don't know if labeling items would help your mom.