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I have not read all of the responses thoroughly, but I have been dealing with a couple of care situations on my own for a couple of years now. I wanted to say that there are professionals in your area who can help you make a plan for what to do. It might be an elder care attorney, for things like planning the finances for assisted-living, but also there’s an elder services department in your town. They can help you navigate the services available . For instance , after my mother and sister went into AL, it ended up being much more cost-effective for me to hire an outside care company to come in to do showers and take them to appointments, than to pay the AL to do these things. Also, while the ALF transportation would take them to appointments, they had to get off the bus and go into the appointments alone, and they could not navigate all of that. Both needed someone to take them into the appointments. The Christian health care service I hired was about $30 an hour, with a two hour minimum and mileage.

Anyway, I was surprised at the gaps there were at the ALF. But know that there are ways to work with these systems, and professionals who do this all day long who can help you through. I did not take advantage of them soon enough in our process, and wasted time and money, not to mention the stress. I think I was in freeze mode and just overwhelmed.
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Reply to WearyJanie
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I did not see anyone talk about powers of attorney here. I would strongly suggest that you do not assume power of attorney for your parents at your age, or at least not without having a very thorough discussion with an attorney before you do. I would push both parents to sign “do not resuscitate” orders that will be in their file at the assisted-living and with the attorney, and in their medical records.

In my experience, having financial power of attorney has been even stickier. Just a heads up to be careful before you sign these types of legal documents. You are my daughter’s age, and I am deeply saddened you have been put in this position. You sound like a very strong young lady.
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kathrynsinner21 Jul 7, 2024
What problems would come with POA??
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Seems like you need to bunch up their appointments so they have several appointments in day instead of appointments throughout the week. Schedule a morning and afternoon for doctor appointments. Ask if your parents can have physical therapy meet in the home rather than in a clinic.
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Reply to Taarna
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Clearly other family members have established boundaries as to their level of involvement. Hounding them will indeed stir up drama as they have made clear how much they will upend their lives. I gently suggest it’s time to find assisted living. It’s not fair to put such a tremendous burden on a 24 year old. This could last for decades and your life matters too.
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Reply to JeanLouise
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Wound care can be done by a nurse from a Home Health agency as long as the wound qualifies and they are home bound, which sounds like they are. Ask their primary to send out a HH RN to assess.
Same w/ PT. Why can't they come to home?
Dental, wow, getting all of that dental work, you have to decide if it's really necessary.
I think some appointments can be trimmed down. You can do that, decide what's really important and ditch the rest.
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Reply to Nan333
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You're only 24. How elderly can your parents be? You say you've been caregiving for them 24/7 for two years. Who financially supports you?

You need to be going to work at your age and earning. If your parents are so debilitated and elderly (though I don't see how that's biologically possible if you're only 24) that they have doctor's appointments daily and they can't get out of a car on their own, they should be in a nursing home. Or with a live-in caregiver in their home.

Have a meeting with your family to discuss what plans need to be made for your parents. You need to get a job and provide for yourself. This can't happen if you're being an unpaid 24/7 caregiver to your parents.

Someone needs to have POA or conservatorship over your parents. I would suggest the court appoints a conservator for them that is not you. You're too young at 24 to take that on and you need to start making your own life and your own living. Unless you're married or wealthy no one is going to provide for you if they die and if they're as sick as you say, that could become a reality soon enough. Your siblings sure aren't going to help.

Talk to APS and tell them about your situation and that you're leaving. They will start the state petition for conservatorship.
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