He is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. His wife lives a great distance away from the facility. She goes thru depression spells. My father's dentures went missing 2 months ago and nothing has been done. He has lost a significant amount of weight.
She will not return my phone calls.
see what they have to say
Having said that, you don't need either the proxy or guardianship to advocate for your father. If you suspect that the care in the nursing home is substandard, you can go to your county's website and look for information about how to report concerns there. You should also be able to find information about local procedures and regulations around powers of attorney and advocacy, and perhaps which lawyers can help (choose carefully).
But, you'd do better to work with the NH if you can. It's not a good idea to move Alzheimers patients unless you absolutely have to, so you want to try to build a good relationship with this one.
The 81 year old wife may have been taken ill herself, mightn't she? Are you in touch with anyone else who knows her?
It might be worth pointing out, besides, that even if she were to return your calls she can't transfer the proxy to you - only your father could do that, and only while he was mentally fit enough to understand the process. But I suppose she could give the NH permission to discuss your father's care with you, so it's worth persevering. I hope you track her down and find her safe and well.