Mom will not cooperate with anyone and seems to get great pleasure out of making life difficult because she believs all of us are against her.
Dad needs to stop caring for her, but she refuses to believe that he cannot. She is sure he is trying to get rid of her, which he really is. She is processing it as betrayal. She thinks he can do everything for her, but she also says he does nothing for her- she does it all. We have taken the extra bed out of her room and brought it to our house so she notices and hopefully will remember that's where it is. She says she is not leaving her house, that she has lived in for 66 years and if we try she will go kicking and screaming. I believe it. Poor Dad never did have many social graces, just good intentions. He is way out of his league, is hard of hearing so he yells which escalates her and she is verbally and emotionally abusive to him. We don't know how to get her out of the house. She is really smart, has very keen instincts in spite of the dementia.
I would advise placement and visits. In care facility.
If you are POA this is in your power. If not, then not.
If you do EITHER/OR you can do so by EMS if you are POA. Ambulance transport; likely you will pay, but that's another thing.
Good luck.
Yes, may need to take advantage of a hospital stay, Rehab is better. You ask for a 24/7 eval if found she needs 24/7 care then u transition her to Longterm care or MC whatever they can afford. Do not take her home. Say its an "unsafe discharge" and at 94 Dad can't do it any longer.
Has Mom been formally diagnosed. If so, she may need meds for her paranoia so call her doctor. If not, you can't really do much without a diagnoses.
So what I'm trying to tell you is that your Dad and Mom's dynamic, is quite common. Given that, it does beg a different question. If your Dad wants out, can he find another place to live? Maybe an assisted living center?
I really don't think you want either of them to live with you. You will need time away from either and both. Hard of hearing is very difficult to live with. Hearing aids are not the complete answer (I know because I now wear them.) Maybe you could put him up temporarily while he waits for an AL unit at his preferred place, to open up. Because of your Mom, you might find out that Dad is high maintenance. It might take time for him to become a responsible person again.
Your Mom knows exactly how to get your Dad to do what she wants. However, unless your Dad "grows a spine", nothing will change. I'd work on getting your Dad to do what he wants to do. If he does move away from your Mom, he will need your support as he starts to learn how to live without her. Your Mom, regardless of whether you realize it it or not, is perfectly happy with the way things are right now.
Only your Dad can change the dynamics.
I'm also thinking *Why?*
One can use a "therapeutic fib" saying the doctor wants the person to be here until they are physically ready to go home.
Now, on a side note. are you and your husband ready to have someone live in your home who will not cooperate with anyone?