I'm at the point where I feel fear, panic and anxiety whenever my phone rings. Of course when the group home calls it is never a good thing. They called in September that my Dad was not feeling well and needed to go to the ER. Turned out he had a UTI. This past weekend they called to say he fell, but nothing was broken, and he seemed under the weather. Or when my Dad calls its never to just say hello, he always wants something. How do you guys deal with it?
My parent's "weapon" was the phone. This went on for decades and was directed at many folks. In the last few years it seemed that my phone# was what she recalled best, so "tag, I was It." I had to let many calls in the last 10 years go to voicemail and as the one posting stated -- I would replay to grasp the situation first so would be prepared. It helped! I also asked for a specific time for a weekly call so I could fully focus on the conversation. Homecare aides would try to make a list on a pad of paper for her. Often there were still random calls; I'd check with the Homecare agency to try and sort out the truth/facts before I called back.
Two points to make that I hope will help others:
(1) If you hire a "pendant alert" service, request up front if they will set hours for calling for "emergency vs non-emergency" situations. If they won't, find another company. My parent's pendant-alert company would persistently call until they got me on the phone -- they said it was their policy. Also, their operators spoke very fast and it was difficult for my ears to catch what they said. I had to get blunt and ask the person to slow down and repeat. I also spoke to company supervisors and asked a note be put on my phone info to try and speak slower and more clearly. If it was hard to hear at my age, imagine what it sounded like to the person who has fallen and is trying to talk with the pendant-alert response person.
(2) When my parent moved to a nursing home, I did not install a phone which cost $60 a month. That gave her free rein to call me whenever? -- No! However, I did arrange for her most consistent Careaide to have 2-3 hours a week for a visit to take care of personal errands, check clothing and personal items, ect. The aide was willing to loan her phone for a call and would dial up my ph# on the smaller handset. She would text me first to make sure I was available for the call. Much more workable solution.
I hope that some day I'll get over those "phone jitters" but decades of calls are pretty deeply ingrained. I actually did go camping last month and left the phone in my purse some of the time . That is an accomplishment. Hugs to all of you!