My mom is 63 years old and lives in an independent living community. She moved there with my father about 3 years ago. My father passed away in December 2018 and my mom, I believe is struggling with the loss. She says otherwise and I've gotten her counseling but she is hesitant to continue because she says she is fine. She is now dealing with hair loss and excessively washing her hair because she thinks there are bugs. I've taken her to the doctor and there are no bugs. She also calls me every day about 4-5 times a day. I don't necessarily have a problem with this but It makes me concerned for her. Other than the bugs she is normal, we've always been close and talking on the phone everyday is not new. It is now the amount of times she calls that concerns me. I know she is lonely. I visit her often as well.
It is very lonely living alone..
Is there a reason she can not move in with you?
Can she have a Roommate?
If not, can she move somewhere where she can?
Is she able to spend a night with you once a week to give her something to look forward to?
Dones she still drive her own car or does she just sit at home all day?
Have you considered getting her an emotional help Pet?
Does she have any other Family Members, Friends, Church Members, that could visit her, maybe have it scheduled where she would get a visitor every day?
Does she have a Hobbie...plenty to keep her occupied and entertained?
like puzzles, paint by number, coloring, beads for making jewelry, knitting or crocheting, reading material?
Dones she have a computer to keep in touch with people or to just occupy her time or make friends on Facebook, ect?
Does she go to Church where she can make some nice friends and have others to talk to?
When is the last time she's been on even a mini vacation?
Is she capable of signing up and going on a vacation for Singles Only?
Seach for a Senior Group where the Spouse has died or just a Senior Singles Group that she can join.
What about Volunteer work?
Prayers
This makes the isolation even worse.
If everything checks out health wise it may be possible that she needs something to do, something to give her purpose. I think continuing with counseling is a good idea. If there is a place where she can volunteer or better yet if she can get a part time job (keeping safety in mind) that might make her feel better.
My Husband died in 2016 and if I did not have my Volunteer activities and friends that I bolster and they bolster me I would go crazy. I do have my daughter (step daughter actually..but I hate that "step" term) and grand kids that I am with a lot.
All that activity helps tremendously.
She might even want to take a course or two at the local community college. Many can be done on line.
(by the way get thyroid checked out and vitamin D)
Then her hand-washing due to "bugs"...this does not seem like the typical OCD behavior because she is thinking or seeing bugs. Typical OCD is driven by mental/inner messages, not because they are imagining bugs. Is your mom on any medication? It is possible she may be over- or under-dosing. Doc also needs to verify this.
It is possible that your dad was "covering" for your mom's deficits or decline and you are now seeing it for what it is. Again, there are many possibilities and you will need to sleuth it out and NOT take her word for it -- this requires a visit of at least a week (if you are not local).
If you don't live close to her I think you or a trusted family member (and preferably someone with her medical PoA) take her to the doctor and figure out what is going on. It may be more than grief. She is too young to have dementia. I wish you all the best as you begin to help her and peace in your heart.