glasshalffull Asked May 2015
How do you make downsizing go smoothly? Any suggestions?
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I mentioned to my husband afterward that he and his siblings should help his widowed mother do the same. Her Florida condominium contained many collections of "things" amassed over the decades during my father-in-law's military career. This was not done, however, as the family's approach was “There’s always mañana.”
When the time came that my mother-in-law could no longer live independently in her condo, she moved to our community in Pennsylvania. My husband had EVERYTHING moved up to go into her apartment and into storage. It then became the children's job to clean out and distribute her belongings, which they did according to her wishes. It was, however, a complicated and tedious job. Whenever my mother-in-law missed anything she would say to me, "Whatever happened to that?"
When my mother-in-law needed full time assistance with her daily life, she moved into our home--again with all her remaining belongings. After she passed away, the job of allocating and disposing of "things" fell on her children again.
I have pledged not to do this to my own children, and have taken the following steps: 1) We have cleaned out, organized, and downsized our belongings; 2) I have mounted all the pictures into albums; 3) I have made an inventory of belongings and insisted that my children indicate what they are interested in having; 4) We have gotten our will and directives in order; 5) I have made it abundantly clear what my wishes are in regard to death and dying.
I also have written a book, "What to Do about Mama?" and have a Word Press blog by the same name. There are three blog posts that specifically address your question: It Pays to Prepare; Processing the Pictures; and Belongings. (These three posts are also linked to other blogs on the same topics.)
Barbara
She left the daunting task of downsizing and distributing her belongings to her children—a process that happened several times as her circumstances changed. Although she hadn’t planned to be involved in the dissemination of her mother-in-law’s belongings, BGM found it much easier that the majority of her possessions had been moved out of their house before she passed away.
I like the idea of using music. Also doing a category at a time. We are going to talk with a personal organizer next week and see if we can get some ideas.
As we begin to list the items we really want...the list is small. How sad. We both have specific "family" items that mean something and we have uses for...but that is limited. Someone earlier had suggested purge it all and get the few new items you need! I agree.
Who wants to be using the old crappy towels and sheets...the local animal shelter will be very happy. Old pillows - YUCKY - not going anywhere but dumpster....good idea about working on categories as well as the idea of a room at a time. We are plunging in...pray for us. Our New place will only have 1000 sq ft vs. the 2500 plus basement and garage we have had for 30+ years (oh my!). But at least we are talking and doing this together.
I am sending my brother two boxes from our childhood. And my sister has gotten a few as well. Some gems that have already been discovered: two original paintings by my grandmother. Painted during WWII. I plan to make color copies for siblings and grandchildren and frame original. Picture of my Grandfather who passed away when my mom was 15. I have never seen his picture...mom is very happy I found it. Many trips to dumpster and Good Will...
Is there a Patron Saint for Downsizers?
Has anyone figured an easy way to make list of items donated to capture the amount of the donation??? seems daunting...
My mom is a super manana type, so it has taken pulling teeth to get her on board. To preempt a possible disaster, I did an inventory of the household items I thought we should keep in the family, and Mom allocated who should get what and that has been attached to her just-updated will. So if she should pass away before we complete the downsizing process, which is not something we expect to happen but 'you never know', at least I can hand over boxes of stuff to each respective recipient and then those items can become their problem, leaving me to dispose of mostly stuff that can be disposed of as trash or recycled/donated goods.
Most of all, I think it is critical to have a plan for the family archive of old photos, documents, etc. Websites like eBay and Etsy are flooded with old family photos that have now become displaced from the original families. I find this extremely sad to see. Not long ago I came across a beautiful thick photo album that probably dated back to late 1800s/early 1900s of some family that had emigrated to the US from Hungary. It was an incredible chronicle of someone's family history and there it was sitting in a thrift store with no identifying marks. At the end of the day, a family's archives are what really matter most (in my opinion), especially to future generations. Most everything else is replaceable.
Every year for the past 5 years Dad will ask me to go up into the attic over the garage to bring down old boxes of stuff.... I refuse.... mine you there are no pull-down stairs, one has to bring over a large extension ladder and pull ones self up into the hole in the ceiling... earth to Dad, I am 68 years old, I would probably kill myself in the process.... oh but he wants that stuff in the attic :P
Stuff is still in the attic and Dad refuses to hire anyone.
OOh I like the idea of labeling and giving the family stuff away ASAP...why wait for "when mother dies" if she has already decided who will get what.
Yes, time for an alternative plan...not boxes from attic...you don't need a broken hip or worse!
I hated to throw my "keeper greeting cards" away. You know the ones I'm talking about 'cause you have them, too. Soooo, I cut out a little something from every card...sometimes part of the signature -- or the artwork -- bought a framed poster board for under $10 that had a light clear plastic 'cover' and glued all the little loving bits and pieces helter skelter. It's hanging in our bedroom. We feel surrounded by love! And 100 plus cards got thrown out.
Just start - maybe the easiest room first so you get some momentum going. While "things" bring out memories of times that once were, they are not the memory. Start a journal of memories as you go through things, take pictures, condense things like old ties into a art piece to hang on the wall. Be creative.
For deciding on things, ask yourself do you LOVE it? Is it useful NOW? Otherwise, donate it to your favorite charity. Don't keep it "just in case". Make the tough decisions now. You will feel much better that YOU decided what is important to you instead of someone coming in and in haste - deciding for you. It can be done :) One step, one room, one decision at a time. Don't wait.
And it kinda depends on how much time you have before you need to vacate. Once again - in a divorce; time is usually of the essence. That's about the only thing that is. So all paperwork went into boxes to be sorted through AFTER the move because I didn't want to throw out anything important by mistake.
I also used "Sendme's" tactic of pizza or Taco Bell and wine and spent a couple hours each day/night packing and labeling boxes. Oh - jewelry and other prized (small) objects should be taken with you in the car, or shipped ahead; never included in the regular cargo. And if you plan to use a commercial moving company - they ask you to label your boxes. That's fine, but some of my more expensive items that I couldn't take with me, weren't labeled 'silverware' etc.... In fact - I labeled them 'bathroom' just in case they got 'lost in transit'.
One of the biggest suggestions was to clear out the garage first so that we would have a place to sort and stage for trash runs and pickups to go to Donation places. Also start by labeling all the big stuff...keep, sell, donate or who wants it....great idea!