My mother passed Christmas day in 2018 while in Hospice in a hospital. I witnessed her suffer tremendous, excruciating pain as the staff could not control her pain (despite their promise to "make her comfortable and control her pain"). I stayed with her for 13 long days and nights, right by her side until she took her last breath. I STILL have PTSD from that which I relive over and over again . She was married to my father for almost 60 years. My father was never the same after she died.
My father passed away last week from Sepsis while I held his hand at the same hospital my beloved mother passed away in. (The hospital they were at failed to properly diagnose him and it was too late by the time they did).
I am beyond devastated and just feel totally alone and empty. It literally took all I had to get out of bed this morning.
I know people are saying "well, they are together now and no more pain for either one of them" but that doesn't help, unfortunately. I hurt...the pain of them not being here is almost too much. "Time" did not help me at all after my mother passed. Not at all. Being isolated from friends and family during this Pandemic doesn't help either. I just want to be with my parents.
Any advice would be most appreciated.
Thank you.
At age 77 I have lost a lot of people that I loved. What helps me is saying prayers for the departed so their souls can grow closer to God. Here is one I have memorized:
O my God! O Thou forgiver of sins, bestower of gifts, dispeller of afflictions!
Verily, I beseech Thee to forgive the sins of such as have abandoned the physical garment and have ascended to the spiritual world.
O my Lord! Purify them their trespasses, dispel their sorrows, and change their darkness into light. Cause them to enter the garden of happiness, cleanse them with the most pure water, and grant them to behold Thy splendors on the loftiest mount. -- Àbdu´l-Bahá
I might be in the middle of some task when something makes me think of a loved one, so I stop and say this prayer for them. I also set aside time on Sunday morning to pray for my mom and dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers who were significant in teaching and guiding me, friends, etc and pray for them. I like thinking of them, thanking them in my thoughts and then being able to pray for them as a way of saying "Thank You!" It'a something I can do and I don't feel quite so separated. And I know I will see them again once it is my turn to leave this world. It takes away any fear of that event. And every now and then when something happens in my life that makes me think of them, it's like a tap on the shoulder or an "Ahem!" to get my attention. I remember them and thank them. Having something I can do for them helps reduce the sense of loss. I hope something like this helps you, too.
It explains the grieving process, why we die, the condition of the dead and God’s promise to reunite your parents with you. God knows your pain because he saw his son die a very painful death. He resurrected his son and he will do the same for your parents. He will comfort and soothe you. He will be close to you to help you with your broken heart (Psalms 94:19, Psalms 34:18, 2Corinthians 1:3-5)
I hope this helps.
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i was trying to divide my time and trying to get there to help. i only could do the best i could. i had no vehicle, money. but what i had i sent and was on the phone daily. i tried to get my brothers to drive me down or they stay few wks as well as myself. i was trying to move there but my mother did not want me there she wanted a male figure. at the end my father had passed and two months later we went back to her funeral. it was oh so sad. my father even though he was married he had a mean wife and step daughter because he did not do right by us. u know that saying u reap what u saw. they said he died in his room alone. they did not cook, feed etc. my mom died alone they found her on the floor. I was really trying to assist my mom but she would not allow me. what i do is pray with out ceasing. pick up your Bible and call on the Lord. He will give you peace. I know for a fact. you will be fine. i was in your shoes. i know. i want you to know your not alone. i also, listen to my favorite pastor. Dr. Charles Stanley please please go online to intouch.org and listen to the sermons. it's all vital and definitely the Bible start reading Psalms and Proverbs ask God to open your mind, heart and soul. trust and believe in His Words you will be fine. please keep me posted. God Bless!
I was very close to my Aunt(Mom's sister). Closer to her than to my Mom. My Aunt suffered a stoke 6 months after Mom died. A second stroke in Jan. 2020, took her from me.
As the first year of my Aunt's death approach's, I am no where near any emotional resolve. My heart is still full of sorrow & pain for both my Mom & Aunt. I dream of them. I want to be with them.
I wish I had beautiful, wise, comforting words to offer you, I'm sorry I don't. I have found that there is no time frame on grief. Everyone copes with their sorrow individually & that makes grief more isolating.