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I'm 69yrs and married my love this past March, he is 67yrs. He is on his cell seems like 27/7. He gets up in the morning, says hi, then sits down and gets on his phone. Then all day long he is reading and posting on FB.



It is getting so bad I am thinking about going to counseling to see what I am doing that is causing him to find FB more entertaining than me. I have tried talking to him about it, I have cried, I have made fun of it .... nothing works.



Any suggestions?

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Facebook is no different than someone watching sports all day long..... [sigh].


Anyway, I am glad my sig-other has sports on the brain, it gives me a lot of free time to work on my hobby of researching family trees :)
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lealonnie1 Sep 2022
Except there aren't any Nigerian scammers on the TV sports channels professing words of eternal love for us like there are on Facebook, trying to lure in unsuspecting men & women & then scamming them out of LOTS of $$$.
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Do it back.
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Sometimes you don’t notice before marriage. I worked in London with a guy who always worked over an hour overtime, then went to his girlfriends briefly for dinner. They got married, he still turned up late, and she wasn’t happy!
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Did you not notice his social media addiction before getting married? What is the point of getting married if his real love is Facebook and interacting with fake friends and acquaintances? He needs to get professional help. If he's unwilling to compromise by putting the phone down for just a few hours each day to spend time with you, this marriage might not be worth fighting for at your age. Unless he is satisfying you through other means, such as financial security, I don't see the point in staying with him.
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Fawnby Sep 2022
Facebook offers a way to stay in touch with family and with people we’ve met throughout our lives. They aren’t necessarily fake friends. Some people might seek fake friends but not all. With OP’s husband, we don’t know who the friends are. But they must be interesting to him!
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I agree with Sp19690. I have said for years, I would not marry again. DH is a second marriage and God gave me a good one second time around. Not going for #3.

DH must have been doing FB before you married? If not, then I would ask him, why now?
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Have his political views changed lately? What's he looking at?
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Obviously you did not know this man very well before you married him or he misrepresented himself to you before you got married. Since you had a conversation with him about his excessive facebook usage and what did he say? At 69 you are too old to deal with such childish behavior.

Personally I think anyone over 60 should not get married. Just date. Have fun but don't live together or get married.
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Internet addictions abound. Heck, addictions abound.

I would neither complain nor enable.

Life is short. You are young but not young enough to waste these great years. How many years do you have invested in this relationship?

I like your idea of seeing a therapist.
Maybe it is time to explore what you really wanted in a husband. You may find he is closer than you think now.
It is a pretty common observation that women marry a man thinking they can change him.

If he is happy as he is, then, as always, it is up to the party complaining to make the changes if you want to keep him. Just make sure the changes are worth it to you long term.

You say in the bio that you are caring for someone who is depressed with mobility issues. Is that you or him? is the depression issue diagnosed or your idea that he must be if he doesn’t want to participate in life with you? Are the mobility issues ones he can easily improve by being more active or is he actually in pain? Has he sought help?

Last thought. Did he just retire? That can be really tough for some.

Let us know how the therapy goes.
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I’m happily FB free, don’t feel I’m missing a thing. And in your shoes, I’d be doing my own activities and interests, not waiting on him to take an interest in me. Leave him to it, if he doesn’t bore of eventually, perhaps you’ll find a life so interesting you’ll bore of him. No, I’m not suggesting divorce, I just well know that changing another is impossible, it’s only ourselves we can change. Build your own life and know you’re not causing his behavior, he’s choosing it
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I am sure he was doing this before you got married.
Make plans of things that you would like to do, and some that he would like to do. If he does not want to participate go yourself. (post on FB so he will know what he is missing! 😉)
As with a lot of addictions unless he wants to curtail the activity it is not going to happen. And the last thing you want to do is harp on it.
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Join him on Facebook?

You could end up with some fun posts and a worldwide following:

"Here is our spaniel enjoying tonight's surf 'n' turf with home made julienne frites and a Bearnaise sauce (he said hold the salad, thanks). I did tell my husband dinner was on the table but I couldn't get hold of him for some reason..."
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Is the person you're caring for with the multiple issues your husband? It may be that he is distracted by F/B if he is unable to get out and about. Did you not notice that he was using F/B for entertainment before you wed? YOu can try joining F/B yourself and communicating with him online. :) It may be fun and you'll expand your circle of acquaintances. I'm not sure that you'll receive any marriage advice here, but good luck. Counseling sounds like a good idea.
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