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You gave him and option of moving in with you....which I wouldn't suggest. If he gets older and worse...which he will...then you will have it full time 24/7. 17 days from delivery, you cannot help him upon discharge even if you want to.

His only input is that you must uproot your family and live in his two bedroom trailer. Does he also expect you will also change jobs or is he thinking you will drive an hour back each way to work? And of course chip in because he already can't pay his own bills.

He refused your generous offer of having him come to your home. In other words, his way or the highway. That's really not a good position of argument from someone who is unable to care for themselves, expecting someone else to pitch in, and just had yet another health crisis (and toss in a new baby). Really?

Because you are ready to have a baby and CANNOT help him for the time being, he is an unsafe discharge. He cannot adequately care for himself and there is no one else able to meet his needs. The hospital will them at least rehab him somewhere and it will go from there. He will at least be safe and care for in the meanwhile.

I've come to the conclusion that "homes" (assisted are skilled) are what they are. They are not and never will be home. But those that need that assistance don't have another choice....unless they can get a family member to upend their lives to care for them. Not everyone can just do that. And its okay to say no. When the elder doesn't prepare for their aging, all you can do is all you can do. It won't be perfect, ever. Mother didn't like her recent stint there, but if she is unable to maintain herself in a reasonable manner in her home which "some help" from me, she will have to do something else. Remaining in her home requires me to live next door.....which wasn't my future plan at all.
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I thought my husband and I had had a bad 2021 (one death, one severe head injury/permanent brain damage, and two parents who need that kind of support), but your year makes mine look like a walk in the park. My heart breaks for what you're going through.

Honestly, it's bad enough that you'll be settling an estate while caring for a newborn. I don't see how you can take this on. It's noble of you to insist that your grandfather not go into a facility, but I'd urge you to take another look at that option. You tried your best by offering to open up your home to him, which was very generous for a grandchild, and he didn't want that. What are you supposed to do? He's almost leaving you with no choice. I'm just sorry you're going through this, and hope you can find some livable solution. Best wishes for the final weeks of your pregnancy.
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Sadly, stubborn Grandpa may have to have a crisis "come to Jesus" moment in order to adjust his thinking. When his final lifeline (you) sets impenetrable boundaries, he'll come around.

Make it clear: Your baby is your priority. You have room for him in your life, but it'll be at your house, not his. The baby's needs and schedule by necessity come first, so if he wants help, the ball's in his court and he knows how to get it.
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Confused, your mom may have died in a nursing but not BECAUSE she was in a nursing home.

If Gpa is in hospital/rehab right now, you have a golden opportunity to place him someplace safe and close to you.

Work with the discharge planners to get him into a good place.
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Unfortunately I have discussed this with him, he was dead set we were going to move into his 2 bedroom trailer with him with the new baby. When I told him this was not going to happen and that he should come live with us in our 3 bedroom house with all sorts of room... he said forget it, I'll just live in my RV when the time comes. :( He is refusing pretty much any attempt at help that isn't his own idea.
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sparkielyle Jan 2022
Good for you to have set this boundary. Do not let his stubbornness continue to manipulate you. In truth it sounds like he knows how to dig in and outlast others to get what he wants. He’ll compromise when the situation gets desperate enough. It becomes in some sense a game of chicken.

Enough great ideas have been offered. MJ1929 is right. The impending birth gives you a great way to extricate yourself from an unproductive dance with him and your desire to do your duty. Counseling will help you navigate the situation and keep boundaries and fulfill your family and personal obligations. You can love and caretake in a healthy way. Prayers for your strength.
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Maybe you can enlist some help from your fiance to move him closer to you? Before my MIL came to live with us, she lived in a 55+ community for low income people and she loved it. You might also check with your city's housing authority and see what the process is for getting him housing assistance - although I know in my city there is a 3-year waiting list!

As for you, right now you have other priorities that you need to worry about. Once your little one is born, you will not be too keen on jumping in the car with a newborn, especially in the cold winter. Good luck!
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