My 92 yo MIL fell in her home on 11/21, she has vascular dementia that I can't really stage. She has kind of been on the same level for years and just recently started declining. My son lived with her and offered minimal help and she had aides three times a week for bathing/laundry. There are many other supports in place as well (cameras, cleaners, all shopping/home maintenance/finance(me)/daily visits by DH, etc).
She suffered a compression fracture in her T11 and was moved to a SNF on Thanksgiving. My family all had Covid at the time and I'm not convinced she didn't have it either although she was not tested. She got a stomach virus immediately upon admission to SNF, got over that, but has not eaten barely anything beyond a few bites since 11/21. She is drinking some when prompted and DH is getting some of the Ensure drinks down her when he visits. She is so weak, cannot stand by herself or dress herself any longer. She developed a horrible UTI this weekend and they are giving her antibiotic shots since Monday. Now the nurse calls last night and says her liver numbers are bad and they are discontinuing Tylenol and giving Tramadol every 12 hours instead of 6. So now she will be in more pain.
Does this sound dire to you? DH is numb, but his family is against the SNF admission (another story), so I don't have anyone to talk to. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if she will ever come home, because I must deal with her finances and my son still living there. I care too, but there are practical considerations that I am the only one who handles.
I'm still around, my dad is still in nursing home in deteriorating health. Mine hasn't been great, I'm 6 weeks out of hysterectomy with a major complication at 3 weeks. DH's family has left all of the planning to us, and I am stressed. Funeral is Tuesday I just need to make it till then and then take up the selling of her house, etc. She did not run out of money and that is a blessing at this time that she can afford everything she wished without causing a financial burden.
It is very traumatic to witness that's for sure. I hope and pray that you will now take this time to take care of yourself as your health matters too.
Once, my brother improved and actually walked out of his hospice care facility. When his health started failing he was able to return to the hospice facility where he died.
Is your MIL now on hospice care? Is the family recognizing that this is end of life care, and a deliverance into peace rather than something to be fought. As far as intake and givng supplemental drinks, an elder needs very very little nutrition to go on for many months, though often with the complications of little movement, bedsores and etc.
Compression fractures are very painful. I would seriously recommend Hospice, end of life care, and all the medications allowed with little encouraging of food and fluid intake unless she WANTS it.
I am so sorry but it does look as though you are looking at the beginning of the end. The body is now breaking down enough to allow frequent infections in multiple systems. Any one of them might lead to sepsis at any time.
I wish you the best ongoing and peace for your MIL.
What specifically is causing the delay in setting up hospice? Hospice is so wonderful in allowing a person to die with dignity.
No one should have to suffer at the end of their lives. She can have access to morphine and sedatives while in hospice.
PLease have her evaluated by hospice. There is NO dignity in dying in pain and with no QOL. I've never seen a headstone that states "He died without ever taking anything for pain".
There is no shame in bringing hospice in. There is also no compassion is trying to get mom to drink anything if it just makes her sick. And she's going to PT?
An evaluation of her status NOW will help you to make decisions. Accepting that someone is actively dying is hard. But we're all going to do it, so being as compassionate as you can be is the best gift you can give a loved one.
Those bedsores are painful.
Wishing you peace as you continue on in this journey.
My mom started hospice at home but went into a ‘hospice care home’ near the end of her life and received wonderful care. Hospice provides palliative care (comfort care) so they will give her pain medication to keep her free from any pain. My mother was given morphine as needed.
My mom also received a low dose of Ativan and Seroquel which helped with anxiety. My mother had been diagnosed with dementia also. They discontinued her Parkinson’s medication at the end.
I don’t understand why your family members are against her receiving help outside of her home. In your situation it would be too difficult to care for her at home. I found comfort in knowing that my mom had care around the clock. You and your husband will too.
Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult time.
Husband's nephew called him a 'bad person' for putting her in the SNF. He had to set him straight on the truth about his mother, it's not in husband's nature to participate in drama or talk bad about people, so that was doubly hard on him. Nephew said they would just leave her and she'd be dead in a month. But SIL has been saying all along she wants her to die in her sleep and she won't be forcing any food/drink. So what's the difference? At least here we can visit every day and question and/or demand more comfort care/hospice. They were all or are still in the health care field so I guess they have their minds made up. Dying/being sick is not easy no matter where you are, and I don't think my MIL would have wanted to be a burden. Even though she did next to nothing to plan for this.
It doesn't sound like she will be coming home either, as vascular dementia is the most aggressive dementia, with a life expectancy of only 5 years.
Hospice will be able to better explain things and if she is close to dying they can transfer her to one of their hospice homes where she will be able to die in peace. And again that is all covered 100% under her Medicare.
My husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and at the end he went 41 days without eating anything and about 25 days with no drink.
Best of luck.