We are 3 siblings, our mother (widowed) has recently passed, and my brother has lived most of his adult life with her. He has lived elsewhere for short periods of time but always returns. He is always employed but he doesn't get paid much and my sister and I think he just cannot handle money well. He does not talk to us much and is of a grumpy nature, so we don't ask much. We live about 2 hrs. away and we would really like my brother to continue living in the house (we jointly inherited) and we split the costs of upkeep. This would give us peace of mind that he has a roof over his head and isn't getting into financial trouble. He doesn't have retirement savings and we would be getting worried about his financial situation before too long. He has not been pushy about it but is strongly suggesting he'd rather be bought out or we sell the house, and he will take his share and go elsewhere. We worry that he will mismanage the funds and they would not be enough for him to outright buy another place. He is getting to an age where it is hard to bounce back from financial mistakes. How do we convince him to stay living there in a way that he will be receptive and not defensive?
Your brother is not your responsibility. If he hasn't asked for something up till now, he probably never will. Let him go on his way. Sell the house and split the proceeds 3 ways.
It's probably the first time he'll be ahead in life, and if it doesn't go well, so be it. He's an adult.
Your concern for him is admirable, but it's none of your business where he wants to live. Since he doesn't talk to you much, you may not be aware of very good reasons why he doesn't want to live in that house. It may be a very personal matter for him, and in that case, he's not likely to welcome buttinskis.
You can try to have a sit-down meeting where you explain your concerns and willingness to help. You could also say that if he does run out of money, he can expect no other help from the rest of you and that you won't take him in.
I can't imagine why his other siblings would be willing to take on a share of the house's upkeep. Frankly, this seems like way too much of a bother and expense, and if he isn't receptive, sell the house, each take your share and sayonara. Your way may not be the best way for him.
And keep in mind that arrangements like this where siblings inherit a house together, things can go really sour. I'm always in favor of selling an inherited house rather than trying to get everyone on the same page and keep them there forever. Nunh-uh.
I am not certain if you are suggesting that your brother is impaired in some way and never diagnosed, or if you believe he is simply not good at management of assets. Would he be good at management of a home, then, or would it deteriorate around him?
Are you siblings suggesting that you all support his living in your inheritance, and that you will manage taxes and everything for him?
Just to say here, ultimately, you will have no choice. Your brother (any ONE of you) has a right to demand sale and division of assets if the will divides the estate in that manner between you.
I personally would do just as he asks. You cannot be responsible for his wishes for his own life in my own opinion IF he is not impaired, and if the will wasn't written so that his portion of the assets are managed in some sort of special needs trust by you all. This is just my humble opinion. Hopefully the executor of this estate has a Lawyer to pass this question by.
Not to sound harsh, but imho, He is probably so over you 3…. Mom and you 2 Sisters always lurking about. Not that he didn’t love your mom, but still. It sounds like it was a symbiotic relationship. He wants the house sold cause he knows you two sisters will never let go of it, never allow him to make it his.
Please realize that as a 1/3 heir, he can get a good attorney to represent his interests & go hard ball & force a sale. That house does NOT have to be kept. Also He is NOT required to contribute to upkeep. You cannot make him pay 1/3 of costs, like property tax bill. As a matter of fact, if he chooses to live there, his share of property taxes as how ownership is done, should be less as he can file for a homestead exemption for his 1/3. Neither your or Sissy can as you have your own homes elsewhere.
He lived with your mom as a companion and likely caregiver. He probably put a lot of his life on hold to be able to do this.
Sell the house, split up the proceeds and let the chips fall where they may.
It's bad enough that he has lived most of adult life with his mother.
I wouldn't try to control him or his life, let him wear his big boy pants and get on with his life, as any adult should do.
Is he resistant?
Would the cost of upkeep on a house be more then the upkeep on a small condo that your brother could stay in?
And a suggestion..a small 1 bedroom condo and a rental agreement and he pays you and your sibling rent that can be used for property tax, HOA fees and other expenses. It could be minimal rent just enough that it is not a "hand out" and he is "responsible" .
the other option is to do what he wants.
Sell the house split the estate 3 ways and let him manage his own life. If he fails he fails and you and your other sibling DO NOT pick up the pieces. make sure he is fully aware of the conditions. You can not manage and support a sibling for the rest of your or his life.