How to deal with guilt? I cannot deal with the guilt from placing my mother in a personal care home.

I am considering providing care again. My story is so long I don't know where to start. I live in northern Canada and found this website when I was desperately seeking support as the only caregiver for mother. She is 76, diagnosed with dementia in 2014 when she was on an extended visit with my brother in another province. She went uninvited, when he was beginning a messy custody battle that is still ongoing. After a couple months he couldn't manage some of her behaviours and care while working and after a long wait list got her assessed. He placed her in a personal care home in the summer of 2015. She started calling me in September saying she does not belong there and to come back to our hometown. My parents have been separated since 2008, were living together until the summer of 2014 when my father left her and moved near my brother. I was living in a basement apartment of their home for 15 years, raising my kids as a single parent. I paid half the mortgage for the building. By Christmas 2015 I gave permission to take responsibility of her and for her to leave the home. Too much guilt. For the 4 months previous she continually called saying she wanted to come home and if she didn't she was going to die. It was in a different province and about 2,000 kilometres from where I live. I made the mistake of moving from my apartment to her main floor apartment upstairs. I should have said if you're moving back you will have to move to my place. After she got back I had been at a new job for about two months. I could not travel for work because I did not have enough supports. I have 2 other brothers (3 total) but they were in the next town only accessible by plane 350 kilometres away. By the spring I was in counselling because I was so depressed and burned out from her obsessed about the past mostly about my father and being the only one cooking meals, cleaning and being home when I was not at work. I did not have a life. None of my brothers called her, they are not close to her. I am not close to my mother but very close to my father. My mother was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive to my father. But her stories were that when I was a baby and while I was a child he was abusive. My parents have suffered terrible tragedies in their lives - my father's mother was murdered when he was 19; my sister was murdered when I was 14;(my mother had her before she met my father); my parents lost twin infant boys shortly after they were born. After my sister's death my parent's relationship really disintegrated. Only now am I learning about my father's mental health but that he stayed and kept going for the family. By May 2015 I talked to mother about moving away and selling the house because I could not manage her care by myself working, and maintaining a 2 story house. It took 3 months to go through all of her things in her house. By June 2015 I had resigned from my job. I started downsizing by selling things and began planning selling the house. In July 2015 she left to go stay with a brother but he lasted one week. She went to the other brother and the same thing happened. She ended up with a friend and then back to one brother. Things got bad as he could not manage so while trying to sell and move I was working on getting her in assisted living there. It took a month to navigate and find out how to go through the system. Then I found out there was only one place and it had a very long waiting list. The only other facility is a long term care facility for seniors who are Level 3 . I found out by accident about a personal care home in a small community that is about 300 kms from where she was, which is about 700 kms from me. It is only accessible by car in summer and small planes. My ex sister-in-law was driving to the area for work and agreed to take her. I talked to her on the phone and said I want her to go there because she was going house to house and needed some level of care. So she went and after 2 days asked what she was doing there. She forgot our conversation. From October to December 2015 she called and said if she doesn't leave she will have a nervous breakdown and die. I broke down and had her come back at Christmas even though the house was advertised for sale for about a month. It was the worse Christmas ever but I felt so bad. I had 2 outbursts, first time ever. By February 2016 I escorted her back to the home because I just could not manage. I sincerely believe she has narcissistic personality disorder. By the end of January I had suicidal ideation as I just could not see any way out. Since then she has called saying she should be back in her home, she doesn't belong there and is having a breakdown. I'll be the first one to say I did not make a good plan. I haven't worked since June thinking I was moving. Now the house is being sold and she said she should be home. I cannot wrap my head around living with her again but the guilt is too much. I was just running away and now it's no choice but to manage until she gets unmanageable.