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Get yourself some noise cancelling head phones or ear plugs. This will keep you from going crazy and dad can figure out how to ask you for something when you can't hear well.

Has he been checked for depression? Has he had a good physical? It seems that sleeping lots and not engaging in activities is a sign that he is having a hard time coping with the realities of his life. It is hard to watch your spouse disappear before your very eyes. Then it could be he has started losing his executive function and gets defensive because he is scared.

This is a rotten disease that effects everyone it is near. I pray your family can find a way.
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Bler11 Jan 2023
Thanks. yes, I am sure he is depressed - it's tough for everyone. As for sleeping a lot, that has always been so with him. Whenever he could, he would sleep.
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Solve the volume issue with headphones or wireless earbuds.


You say your Father is "mentally ok" but is he really? Unless he was always like this, something else is going on with him.

His defensiveness could be depression, or the early stages of dementia, where people begin to lose their abilities of reason, logic, inhabitions and empathy.

My Mom is the same way as your Dad. I insisted that she get her hearing checked, then hearing aids, because I told her nobody wants to be shouting things at her or repeating themselves all the time as this makes it very unpleasant to be around that person. She relented and got the hearing aids but I have to put them in for her and she still insists there's "nothing wrong" with her hearing. She also watches "anger-tainment" and every night at dinner if she starts in with any polical or negative talk my husband and I ignore it and change the topic or take out our phones and show her what pictures or videos her grandsons have been posting on Insta, etc. to distract her.
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However “ok” you think your father is cognitively, he probably is feeling uncomfortable and out of place and “shifted around” while your mom is being cared for.

If you are able to overlook his “defensiveness”, it’s time to do that.

TELL HIM, as unemotionally as you can, that unless he wears a blue tooth setup or other type of comfortable television sound amplifier when he’s asked to, you won’t visit. He can get defensive, he can throw a tantrum, he can do what he pleases, but you are making a reasonable request, and you ARE entitled to reasonable compliance.

Then the ball is in your court to follow through.

Being defensive is bearable. Loud ceaseless noise is NOT.
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Maybe he can do other things besides watch TV

I only watch a few things (news, SpongeBob SquarePants, anime, Chicago Fire, etc) otherwise I play video games, listen to music, cook, etc

Honestly, TV just isn't worth it anymore IMHO
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Bler11 Jan 2023
Yes, he could, but he doesn't want to. When inside, he just likes being served by me or the lady. Even when he's sleeping - he sleeps A LOT whenever he can - he likes the TV on.
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Seems to me if it is his home he can watch it loudly. It would drive me crazy. Perhaps skip some visits. When asked why …tell the truth “the tv is driving me crazy”.
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Bler11 Jan 2023
It's not his home per se, but this is not the point. The rest of your comment, however, holds water.
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Would he be willing to have his hearing checked? I agree, a blaring TV is annoying. My mom likes watching The Sound of Music on blast! I have hyperacusis (loud hearing)& sheesh..
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Bler11 Jan 2023
He's not willing to have his hearing checked, as he is constantly ignoring that.
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Headphones? TV Ears headset? Small speaker velcroed to his chair near his head?

Would he go for a walk or do a little gardening if he could listen to a podcast similar to one of his shows? Or maybe an audiobook downloaded from the library by one of the authors that are guests?

It could be a way to introduce Bluetooth headphones if you do the setup and tech support. Set it up on his phone or a hand me down Kindle Fire or other device.
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Bler11 Jan 2023
I guess, headphones or TV Ears headset would be effective..
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Bler - after your dad gets defensive, does he comply with your requests? None at all? Some of the times?

Does he need hearing aid?
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Bler11 Jan 2023
When asked, he turns down the TV but not without getting defensive first, while also telling me that I'm being controlling, and stuff like that. I suppose, he needs hearing aid, too.
I think, it's more about him being inconsiderate, and loud, by nature. On the other hand, he wants me to be there and do everything for them. I could well not, but I do everything for my mother's sake.
I know, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but the loud TV is driving me mad when I am there.
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