Hi,
I live in CT. I've lived with my dad for years and the past few years he has needed more help, after getting over Covid I hired a friend to stop by to make sure he was awake and get his breakfast, help him with errands and appointments, and also come back at 6 to make sure he had dinner. Friends would stop by during the day. I was able to work full time and enjoy time with my father.
In August, a former employee of his came to visit. She had nowhere to stay and no job. While here, my dad happened to have a fall and fell ill with a 24 hour flu and she looked after him. He told her she couldn't stay, but eventually he wanted her too and she took over all the caregiver duties.
Flash forward to now. Some things built up slowly, the worst we learned about last week. His cognitive skills have declined (He didn't know the day 3 times last week). She is controlling his medication and I overheard them arguing about it. Myself and several people have observed her drunk in the house. She argues and speaks rudely to me and anyone else in the house other than my father. He has fewer visitors, including myself. I found out he allowed her to use his debit card to make deposits at the ATM. I set up his banking, so I went in and looked at the account. It went from a handful of deposits to numerous ATM withdrawals, Best Buy, liquor store charges, day after day. My father never leaves the house. When confronted my father said he didn't recognize them, then said he gave her the card, then she flipped out and started yelling at me and my brother who came in from out of town. She has accused me of hacking her phone. We asked her to leave, my father doesn't seem to understand why and wanted to give her two more weeks. Immediately I didn't feel comfortable with an extra 2 weeks. One day in she informed me "I ain't leavin". Do I call the police or Social Services?. The house is in my name and I have POA. I'm taking time off work because I can't focus to be there and worry about him with her.
You can probably tell, I could rattle off more issues.
You could try the same even without a lawyer. Something like this:
"Annie, we've seen the liquor store bills, and we have seen you drunk. We have a cam already that verifies you stumbling around. We have seen charges on dad's card that he has nothing to do with.
"Annie, you are not going to be able to pick up Dad's medication anymore or give it to him. We are not going to have Dad's medications handled by someone who drinks on the job either.
"Annie, as of today you are relieved from all caregiving duties, including volunteer ones. From now on, you are not even to talk to him. I could get a lawyer, call the cops and APS, and make sure any investigation is publicized on review sites.
"Or, all you have to do is leave. I will be taking the next two days off to make sure that you are packing and out of here. I'll stay quiet about the free shopping and won't put the cam footage of you being sloppy drunk anywhere if you just go now."
Change the locks on the doors.
Your father may not understand. Deal with this aspect after she's gone.
You could tell him she had a family situation to attend to - keep it simple.
What did you do?