How to handle downright mean?

Hi Snoopy,
Thanks, I hadn't thought of what would happen if I call 911 and he is waving the gun around. As to bullets, his family (brother and SIL) won't get any for him as they know the situation and we don't have any friends that are in contact with him. We have pretty much, other than family, been loners for a number of years. I am going to put his gun in the gun vault as well though. I would not want him possibly getting shot by police if he was waving it around and I had to call 911. If someone is waving a gun around they cannot take any chances and I might not be in a position to let them know soon enough (depending on the circumstances) that I unloaded it. Not worth taking a chance on tragedy to preserve his ego.

Dusti, one concern I have that keeps popping up in my mind is that somehow he could get bullets from someone, say a friend or family member. Maybe his gun needs to be safely locked up in your gun safe as well if he wants to reside in your home? I don't think people who have been behaving erratically for any reason need to have access to a gun. What if you have to call 911 or the police for some reason and he starts waving it around? Loaded or not, it's a problem. 

My pups will alert me if anything happens while I am sleeping and I have become a very light sleeper. Where they sleep I would be awake long before he could hurt them. As to me as I have said I am a very light sleeper. His gun is unloaded in his drawer and my gun and all the bullets for both are locked up in the gun safe and he has no access. Thank you Mally for being worried about me. I am wary which will make me an even lighter sleeper. Since the guns are secured, I am not as concerned as I will have to help him get dressed for bed so I will know that he has not brought anything with him. If he does start showing violent tendancies I will call 911, invoke the medical power attorney that I have and then have him taken to the hospital.

But I do want to talk to his social worker and psychiatrist that did the eval before I bring him home.. Hope to talk to them tomorrow or Tues

How will you make sure you and the pups are safe when you're sleeping? I've lived this; makes me nervous for you all....

Hi Barb...yes he does. He has had two strokes and is basically in end stage heart failure unless a heart pump can extend his life a short time. My understanding is that he is not eligible for a heart transplant due to his prior health issues. His kidneys have not failed but during this period of trying to get the edema off they have come close. With proper monitoring and care they are almost back to normal. He is diabetic (type 2 non-insulin). Doctor told him without the heart pump he may not even have a year left. I think this is the reason that he kind of went off the deep end. He admitted today on the phone that he had crossed the line several times as far as his treatment of me and that due to the stress and worry he has declined mentally. Knowing he is coming home has given him hope. Since his strokes he has been the type that if there was something to worry about he would find it and become fixated on it. Doctors said it was due to his strokes.

We are going to explore all options. His cardiologist (who we both have been seeing for many years) has basically put a wall up saying that everything has to go through the rehab facility.

Dusti; you say he "doesn't have much time left"? Are you saying that he has a life limiting illness?

Has anyone mentioned the possibility of a Hospice evaluation? They don't by any means provide round the clock care, but it would be an occasional extra pair of hands and eyes on the situation.

Hi SnoopyLove,
Yep they are behind me 100%. Just found out today that the 17th will be his last day at rehab. I will be bringing my honey home either the 17th or 18th as Medicare 100% runs out at that time and he nor we can pay the 20% that will be required after that.

My honey is aware that if I bring him home I will tolerate NO abuse of any kind and that should it start back up he will be out the door. I know he plans on eating what he pleases as he said he does not have much time left, but he WILL understand that if he does not take care of himself and begins getting edema again I will call 911 and he will go to the hospital as soon as the edema rears its head as we will not go through what we went through in April.

I was not going to allow him to come home, but he has no where else to go. I do feel safe and will be alert to any signs that would show I have need to be concerned. I have no problem calling 911. Though I have had to do some backtracking as to allowing him to come home, I am still not the same person I was when he went into the hospital. I feel I have found myself, am again strong and not afraid. My back is much better... I am able to do most everything I need to except walk long distances. I still have to use my cane on that. (smile).

I just talked to him and this is the third day that he has been back to his old self. (Before it was lasting an hour if I was lucky). So we shall see what happens. Please say some prayers that it all works out and I will keep you posted. Even after he gets home I will be checking in with you and everyone here. I may be making a mistake but I am following my instincts and gut feeling. I am going to make it a point to talk to the social worker when I go to see him tomorrow. Have a great day!!

Dusti, so glad to hear your partner's family is with you regarding having a "no tolerance" policy for abuse of any kind. And I think getting as much info as you can from the professionals who are treating him is going to be very helpful. Yay, you!

Hi vstefans...thank you for responding. Our visits yesterday and today were good. I am wondering if they have added or changed a med as the social worker visited him yesterday before I went to see him. But I plan on visiting the social worker before I see my honey on Monday. Oh I have definitely taken precautions. I bought a gun safe and put my loaded weapon and bullets in it (I have the only keys and I will not tell him the code to open it). I unloaded his weapon and put it back in the drawer. When I went to see him yesterday he asked me what we can do to fix the fear that I am feeling. I advised him at this point not sure and told him I had purchased a gun safe (he will see it when /if he comes home). He took it well. I did tell him that I feel counseling may be in order. He got quiet and for the first time recently I saw my old honey. I am not letting my guard down. I do have specific requirements before I even consider allowing him to come home. Once I have had a chance to talk with the social worker and possibly the psychiatrist there at the rehab, I will be able to make a more informed decision. He is losing so much weight I am actually concerned though he is still within the recommended range on his weight (he weighed 168 today and when he went into the rehab 6 days ago he weighed 179. He has never weighed this little in 30 years). He looks thin except that he is still carrying some edema in his stomach and on his hips. I do know that he is not eating a lot (wants the food he is not allowed to have). I am also going to talk with the staff physician and nursing director on Monday as well if they will see me. One thing the nursing supervisor did agree on is that possibly since he has been on his anti depressant for 13 years at the same dose it may no longer be effective.

Yes, my honey's prior verbal abuse is in excusable as was the threat. I believe when I told him that he had scared me it brought him back to somewhat reality. I am not dropping my guard and will not tolerate any threats of physical violence nor any more verbal abuse. His family is standing behind me on this. He is aware that at the first sign, he is gone from my life. So we shall see. Till then I will continue to go out to see him and will go from there.

By the way I tried recording my visit yesterday, but he had the tv up so loud and was talking so softly that the recorder could not pick up anything but me and the tv. Not sure if he knew it was there. I feel that as I said his med is not helping (has been on it since his stroke) or there is something physical going on.

Dusti22, my dad said he was going to shoot my mom and she had me find and empty his handgun and hide ammo and all that too. It was definitely vascular or fronto-temporal dementia plus her saying way meaner things to him than you've said to yours. Mine hated to even be told he was confused. And in short order, he forgot all about guns and shooting anyone in any event...after he was placed in skilled nursing because mom could not pick him up when he fell, he just wanted to know that Mom was well and when would she come see him again.

Only other thought is that my hubby was on an antidepressant for a long time and after while it kind of worked backwards - may have been a mild form of serotonin syndrome - and even though he is not demented or even MCI, he does not remember some of what he said and did when he was in such a dark frame of mind. I'd had to briefly get the kids out of the house and stay with friends while the meds were switched over.

It's sad and disheartening, but his turning on you is 100% due to mental illness and cognitive decline, and it says nothing about the relationship you had all those years. Fault does not matter much though when it comes you you staying safe. People in his state certainly have been confused enough to injure of kill people they actually love. You are doing the right things in the face of heartache, and his family may need a lot of education so they do not assume that you are the one who has changed or turned, and the facility folks should be helping with that. Here's hoping that the assessment Monday will be a big help.

Barb...good idea. The whole "hic-up" is that we are not married (not even common law) and unless he is deemed mentally incompetent or is unconscious I cannot kick in the poa. He does not know that they are going to do a psych exam. Neuro he won't argue with as he will figure it is due to his condition.

Hi Surprise,
Thanks for your post. True....I don't want to be a statistic either. If he is not willing to undergo a neuro and psych eval (and if he does and doesn't pass them) he will not be coming home.

I just can't take the risk. As to the firearms... I have purchased a gun safe and his gun is unloaded. My firearm and the bullets will go into the safe tomorrow.

I suspect he thinks he will check himself out and come home....not and I repeat not happening no matter how much I love him. This goes for the psych and neuro eval too. The rehab is planning to do both. So he might as well get set though they will not tell him that it is a psych exam or he will through a wall up and will not even talk to them.

I'm sorry, but being abusive and then the next day apologizing and saying they will never do that again is just so typical of a serious abuser! Most of us who have been in abusive relationships and who don't get therapy from a real professional counselor - not just a pastor, but someone who is trained in psychology - are going to find a new guy who feels comfortable like the old one, and is also an abuser. We just don't see that he's an abuser right off. Telling them that you have been a victim of domestic violence just confirms to them that you are weak.


I know you don't want to trust yourself to read your posts like an outsider. I don't want you to be another statistic. I would rather give up my 30 year relationship by being safe than giving up my 60+ years of life by being nice. Let him win your trust back with more than a 10-minute conversation. Make him work for your love.



Get someone else to transfer him to the hospital - it might even be included on his insurance plan. You need to be sure that he is safe through a full neurological exam before you ever consider allowing him back into your home. Calling 911 and relying on rusty self-defense skills when you can't help him up out of his chair does not cut it.

Dusti; I'm glad that they were able to get them to agree to evaluate. Just remember that if they tell you that he's "fine", you insist on coming in and having a real time conversation with him in front of the geripsych, or whoever is telling you that nothing is wrong.

Hi Barb. Thanks for your response. I talked to the rehab facility nursing director and advised him of the wide mood swings, abuse, the threat yesterday and the depression and anger issues that are escalating. Advised him that my honey has been on his anti-depressant since 2005 when he had his strokes. He is going to have my honey evaluated for his anti depressant and mental state. Hope they can find the cause and get it resolved. I talked to my honey this morning and it started out as normal conversation, progressed to him crying and saying nobody cares and then went to aggression and anger. I did not allow it to cause me to react. After we were off the phone is when I called the nursing director. They are supposed to get back with me as to his state of mind and if it is med related. He is all over the board right now with his emotions and something is definitely wrong. At this point cannot invoke the POA as he is cognizant and capable making decisions. So am working with limited ability.  I did tell them if he decides to check himself out I need to know immediately. 

I bought a gun safe and am putting the ammo and my loaded weapon in the gun safe. I will be the only one with the combination and the keys (keys will be worn on my neck on a chain).  I have already unloaded his weapon. (don't want him to say I have taken it away from him). Not taking any chances for his safety and mine. But my weapon will be where I can get to it should someone break in.

I have told him I will visit tomorrow, but if he starts anything I will leave before it escalates. Not worried about him getting physically violent.

Dusti, I'm not a doctor and I've never met your husband. But if I had to guess, I might think that he'd developed Vascular Dementia, perhaps mixed with some other kind of dementia.

His reasoning ability and his connection to reality ( thinking that you can lift him, etc) seemed to indicate that he's lost his grip in some elemental way.

I'd insist the geri psych people do a complete workup. If med adjustments need to be made, they should be made in the rehab or in a geri psych unit, where there is safety, both for you and he.

Hi Gershun, Barb and Rocket,

Good morning y'all...

Gershun… sorry for not responding. I think my "feed" has the hic-ups as your post just showed up (or I missed it-sheepish smile). That had to have been hard. As I said in one of my earlier posts.. I got married very young (age 19) and the marriage only lasted for two years. The first 6 months were great, the next 6 were verbal abuse and the remainder was physical abuse of the severe kind. My honey knew about that (I told him before we got together and my honey promised he would never even remotely go there. This is the reason why his behavior these last few months has really set me back on my heels.

I am going out to see him tomorrow (depending on how he sounds when I talk to him today on the phone). Whether he stays with me will depend on if he agrees to my demands. 1. We will purchase a gun safe and I will have the only keys, combination etc and though both guns will be locked up mine will be the only one that is loaded. 2. He will allow doctors to evaluate him to see if this is a medical issue and his current anti-depressant is not working (ie: possible his anti depressants are not working or as effective as he has been on them since his strokes in 2005) and 3. He will see a counselor (either with or without me and I will take him to the counseling sessions. Or if they have a counselor there, he can do the counseling there before he is released and continue it afterward) to help manage the fear, bullying and anger issues. I am not ready to give up on a thirty year relationship in which he has not been abusive or threatened me prior to the last 6 months. If he is willing to do this (and then does it) then we will try to work it out. If not then he can collect his clothes and go on down the road.

Barb... my honey has been on anti-depressants since he had his strokes in 2005. I have a feeling they are either not working and the dose needs to be changed or they need to put him on a different anti-depressant. With what he is going through, knowing that he is near the end, I just don't think that his current anti-depressant is doing the job.

Rocket... I agree. After what I went through with my ex (know I shouldn't compare) I don't trust apologies. The proof is in actions not words. As to the locks, his keys are here and if he does go all keys will be accounted for prior to him leaving. As I said the only way he will remain is on my terms. I do know that he does not have a spare key hidden as I would have had be the one that had it made for him and I haven't. If he had been able to drive or if there had been someone who could have had one made for him then I would be concerned, but there hasn't been in either case (hope that makes sense).

I am not afraid to be in the car with him as right now, back or no back, I am stronger than he is, my reflexes are faster and I was trained in self defense and how to take someone down if I needed to (training I had many years ago that I have never forgotten). I also have very good brakes on our car and would call 911. I don't feel that there will be any problems. If I did I would have an aide, friend or someone go along.

I will keep y'all posted. Thank you for being here for me and for your advice. Trust me I do heed it and y'all have opened my eyes to many things. As I said it is on my terms now, or it will not be at all, as to where this goes from here.

I will be doing some laundry, working on my paintings today and spending some time with our pups so it should be a relaxing day. I will be on and off throughout the day. Y'all have a blessed and great day!

Dusti, this is very sad for you, but there’s something going on inside his head that you can not control. But you can control your response and handle this on your terms, not his. This apology may be a means of getting your guard down. No matter his sudden conciliatory words, I wouldn’t trust him. He asked not to change the locks so he could get clothes? Lame excuse. Clothes can be boxed up by you and left for him somewhere. Without changing the locks he can have access inside your house 24 hours a day unannounced. Good for him, not for you. Changing the locks was the 1st thing my stepdaughter did when she broke up with her bf, and he wasn’t abusive, just a jerk. But you never know what jerks are capable of in an emotionally fraught situation.

So he is still at a rehab, and will be going from there to a hospital appointment on Monday? I strongly recommend bringing a girlfriend or someone with you. Sometimes the aides at rehab can accompany a patient to appointments. In fact Moms NH is required to send an aide unless a family member goes. Please talk to the social worker or the RN manager about that. Why do you have to go at all? Honestly I dont think I would ever be alone with this man again.

Most rehabs and nursing homes have geriatric psychiatrists or psychiatric NPs who practice there. Get him seen. Is he on antidepressants?

I would be arranging for him to become a long term care patient in your shoes, either at the NH or at an AL, until he is mentally stable.

Well, got a call from my honey a few minutes ago. He called to apologize...said he did not know what came over him and started talking about being scared etc. I told him that excuse is only good for so long though I understand his being afraid with his situation. I accept his apology and I told him that he had threatened me today and had actually scared me today. He asked by what and I asked what he meant when he said that I had signed my warrant. He did not or would not explain it. I then reiterated that he had scared me today. He then said it is over and asked me not to change the locks as he will need to get his clothes. He said he never meant to scare me that he never wanted this in the 30 years that we have been together, but once that fear has set in it is always there. And then he said it is over. I am taking him on Monday to his hospital appointment and then he says I never have to see him again. He told me that I will be free to find another man. Advised him I do not want one ( I have had the one true love of my life). It will be me and the pups.

I am not going to get a gun safe but will unload his gun and hide my gun and the bullets.. I am not going to fight him on this as it is true. I am not sure that I can ever forget the fear and uncertainty that I felt today. I feel so sad and am crying right now. My heart is breaking for what we had and for what our relationship has become. I don't want him to be alone if and when the time comes. But I will not fight him on this. I did tell him I will not be out tomorrow to see him.

Isthisrealyreal...It all seems so surreal. I am going to see if I can talk with a social worker there at the facility privately. And make an appointment to see him/her. Hopefully I can do it privately without them telling him which will make things worse. He is flipping out. He thinks anything I say, no matter how I say it, is ordering him around and controlling him. Even the most innocent things. We had always been able to talk. He would not explain what he meant by I had signed my own warrant.

Right now I am back in tears again for a situation that is almost impossible but is more like a flashback to when I was married those many years ago. Abuse is one thing but since he would not explain what he meant I have to take it as a threat. I have never been afraid of anyone in my life but I have to admit what he said today has me really uneasy.

Oh my, you need to change your locks, contact local law enforcement and keep your loaded gun on you at all times.

This guy has flipped out, he has threatened you and what ever the reason doesn't matter. You need to listen when people tell you what they are.

You are obviously strong, use that strength to protect yourself. Tell his family that they can contact him direct if they can't be civil and let them know that he is currently homeless and which address should you deliver his chit too?

rocketjcat… thank you for your response. smile....took me awhile. He can't get more ammo as he cannot drive and is not strong enough for cabs. Today really scared me (there I said it). Initially thought I was imagining things as I though oh he didn't mean that but the fact he was still saying I had signed my warrant when I left scared me. When is stepped back in the room when he called me back before he said that. I told him flat I had stayed in our relationship when most wouldn't have (he had his major heart attacks 3 years after we got together). Didn't even phase him. Why do I feel like the bad person here instead of him?

I have been watching u-tube videos by counselors on verbal, emotional abuse and gaslighting. Funny 8 out of 10 questions they asked I was able to answer yes to. Scary.

I am not sure it will do any good to talk with his cardiologist as the hospital refused to address the verbal abuse (and yes I have gone from saying meanness to saying abuse). I am not going back out to see him for at least a day or two if then. I do not want to see him. He has not called me tonight and I am not calling him.

Dusti. I love the sound of women pulling up their big girl panties!! Please make sure the rehab social worker and the doctor know he has threatened you and you fear for your safety and cannot bectekeaded to Your home. As do we. Tape him on your phone if you can. And I’m happy to know it’s really Your home. That’s great. Regarding the guns please realize that if you leave his weapon unloaded but accessible... he can always buy more ammo! Please rethink this. If you need to call 911 and tell the officers where the weapon is and that you fear for your safety they will confiscate it. Good. Get your house in order and cut back your visits to this abuser.

Dusti, I've been where you are. I dated a real douchebag for a while. My self-esteem was so low that by the time he was through with me you would have had to scrape me off the ground. We were at a restaurant once with some friends of his and as I was coming back to the table a woman sitting at a nearby table called me over and said very emphatically "that guy does not love you!" I asked her what he had been saying about me and the woman didn't even want to say. People were warning me about him every time I turned around but when a complete stranger tells you something like that you would think I would have listened. It finally got to the point where I had to go stay with my Mom for a while when he moved out. He stole all my jewelry, and a big box of a bunch of my personal things like letters and little mementos that would have meant nothing to him. All just to spite me. He told my Mom to Fu*k off for no reason. He beat my cat up. He threw my clothes out the window, destroyed my coffee table etc., etc.

I don't know why your husband has suddenly turned but under no circumstances stay with this man if you feel like you are in any danger. Even if he doesn't physically assault you. Verbal abuse is abuse. Please listen to your gut and do what it tells you to do.

Hi rocketjcat. Please don't apologize as no apology is necessary… I agree, it is scary. I am not leaving though as I own our home. He is not on the mortgage. As for him saying I would be lucky if he came home...I told him no he will be very lucky with his current attitude and treatment of me if I allow him to come home ( forgot to put that in my prior post...was too pissed...'cuse the French). I won't lock up his weapon, just unload it so where he can't say I stole his weapon and will put the bullets, with my loaded weapon. in the gun safe that I am getting ready to purchase, (we each have our own handguns). I thought the same thing on the warrant. I can't see how telling him that he is turning into the male version of his mother would warrant that kind of talk. He hated the way she acted when we all lived together and hated walking on egg shells because of it. I am actually really concerned. I believe that he has turned his family against me as we were close until they called him direct the other day and before he got sick. They were always checking on how he was doing and how I am doing, but now their texts are always how is he doing and then once I tell them I don't hear anything back so heaven only knows what he has told them. I think the reason I have kept going back was that I did not want to believe that my honey was taking the path that it appears he is. I have my big girl panties on and know I can make it on my own. I have taken care of myself since I was 18. It breaks my heart that in these last three months he has done everything he can to destroy our relationship and then has the ….. to blame it on me. I mean I am no angel but I have bit my tongue to keep from hurting him by saying something that I would regret later. Until he said this today, I had thought maybe I am imagining things and just being too sensitive. This cured that thought. When he just kept saying you signed your warrant I got out of there fast. I did let the nurses know that he was agitated so they would be aware. He has not been diagnosed with dementia but it would explain a lot. I don't want to give up on the 30 years, but at the same time I have to keep my pups and myself safe. What a dilemma.  I guess no women wants to believe that her man might be a danger to her. 

I have decided I am going to contact some battered women's groups.  Thank you and everyone for listening to me vent. And for all of your advice, support and help. It means the world to me.

Dusti, I’m sorry if this sounds blunt, but I would stop visiting him. If you want to check on his status, call the nursing station or talk to his doctor. At least to be updated in case of his discharge without your knowledge. Personally I’d pack up my stuff, lock up or take his gun, and leave. That’s what he wants, that’s what I’d give him. This is mental abuse, and it turns my stomach reading about how your “honey” manipulates and demeans you. And you continue to go back for more. He said you’d be “lucky if he comes home to you”. I say you’d be unlucky. Signing the “warrant”? I have only heard of that phrase in connection with a death warrant. Be gone. He has mental problems/and or dementia uncontrolled. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m hungry and angry (hangry! ) and it upsets me to no end what some men think we will endure and come back for more.

Hi Everyone...another day in the chapter of meanness. Ugh. Should have stayed home today. Went to see my honey today. I called to let him know that I was on my way and he demanded that I stop at QT and get him some hot dogs and bring them to him. I told him would check with nurses to make sure ok and if ok would pick them up. He said no don't call them so I refused as he is on a special diet. I picked up two crossword books for him to the tune of 25.00 and then headed for his rehab. Get there and he was raising cane that I didn't bring the hot dogs, didn't bring him some candy bars (he is diabetic -non-insulin dependent) and didn't bring him any cokes. Did not act like he wanted me there. He glance at the crossword books and tossed them on the bed then proceeded to ignore me after I told him did not make second stop as I wanted to spend some time with him and I am on limited time frame due to plumber coming in. Well that went over like a ton of lead bricks. Gave him 3.00 so he could get cokes out of the vending machine. Tried to talk to him about what the doctor told me yesterday and he ordered me not to talk to the doctor again. Told him that he will not tell me who I can and cannot talk to. period! He went back to ignoring me. My honey told me if I did not like it I could leave. I advised I love him but...at that point he said don't go there. Told him that I loved him and would see him tomorrow. As I was leaving I told him in the 30 years we have been together I never thought that, though I loved her, he would turn into a male version of his mother (we all lived together for 7 years and I took care of her when she was sick. His mother would be really sweet and easy going one minute and then the next be in a fit of rage or would be totally sarcastic and mean). He called me back and told me I had just signed my warrant (warrant? He would not explain that ). He said I would be lucky if he came home and forget about financial help from him. I stopped him right there. I told him flat that I have been with him through everything including what he is going through right now as I love him very much but I don't have to have him in my life to survive. He just kept telling me that I had signed my warrant. I left.

Needless to say whether I can afford it or not I am buying a gun safe that will hold both guns or one gun and the ammo. If I leave his gun out it will be unloaded and the ammo will be locked up with my gun. I will have the only key and code. I am not taking any chances. Not sure what he meant by warrant...but as I said not taking any chances.

Hi Isthisrealyreal….thank you for your post. Well just thought I was going to have a fairly decent break time. Found out this evening from my honey's cardiologist that in all likelihood my honey will be released to home before very long.... once he has completed his rehab. He has to go Monday to get a special pic line in so that he can be on IV 24/7 (I will be taking care of it except for when a nurse comes in to check it). Only thing that will make it easier is that he is supposed to be mobile when they release him. As to his mouth... it is still in high gear but hopefully will calm down. When I was out to see him yesterday he was fairly decent, but then I did not challenge him on anything or give my opinion. Talking to him today, he talked over me on everything. And he has told everyone at the rehab that he has no one to care for him at home (Huh!!). Guess that is good in a way as it means they will not release him to home until he is able to be completely mobile which is good for me. Needless to say I went into a panic attack when the doctor told me that he would be released to home once the doctor and rehab feel he is ready.

I am not panicking now but still have a sense of dread as I am hoping and praying that things will not go back to the way they were. I will say this, I can go to my study if he gets to argumentative and take the puppies with me in there. But if he even looks like he is going to become physical I will call 911 immediately. I don't believe he will get physical with me. He hasn't in 30 years and I am not afraid of him. Just dreading the hatefulness if it starts up again. That is worse than physical, but I have had time to build somewhat of a protective wall around me.

Well guess I am on my pity-potty tonight... Sorry y'all. Believe it or not before Feb of this year I have always been an optimistic, happy go lucky person who was always smiling as being his caregiver for 13 years was tough but I knew he loved and respected me. Now I am not so sure. Have a great night y'all.

Dusti, I am happy for you that you are getting a break and sticking to your guns about his care being dealt with in a facility.

I hope things keep improving and that your back feels completely better soon.