My husband wets his pants and refuses to change clothes. He says things like "they're almost dry now" even though the pants are soaked. He sits on the bed and on upholstered furniture in the wet pants. If I try to get him to put on dry clothes he gets very load and angry.
First I'd put a mattress protector pad on the the upholstered furniture he is likely to sit on. (And several on the bed, too, even on top of the spread once the bed is made.)
Try not to argue with him. "Yes, I can see that they are drying. But they still smell bad. You deserve to look dignified and smell nice, and I don't mind washing clothes often. Let's get you cleaned up and smelling fresh!"
Does he not wear disposable undies? Do they leak? How often does he wet his pants? For now, solve the immediate problem with wet proof furniture pads and gentle coaxing. But ultimately the issue is that if he is incontinent he needs to use incontinence supplies. Why isn't that happening now?
Also if he takes water pill (diuretic) incontinence brief may be helpful.
You are right about having to take charge and make adjustments, but that does not mean eliminating struggle with the recalcitrant one, whether a 3 year old or 94 year old, and in either case each day can bring new challenges that need to be handled differently. In either case, we learn as we go along and we seek advice from others in similar situations.
Not trying to chase you away from here, just a reminder to be more gentle with those who are already on the edge with our thankless caregiving tasks and the only relief in sight being our loved one's eventual demise.
P.S. About that "grow a pair" quote: a pair of what, breasts? Most of us in caregiving are women and we already have a pair of those, thank you very much!
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