I lost my Mom a few months ago to a horrible cancer and in the end she chose VSED. Under Palliative Care nurses' supervision I administered daily injections of anxiety medications so she could could die at her home. It was horrific. Now, my Dad has been left behind with Dementia and is losing his ability to talk and read. While he is living in a retirement home, I go daily to spend time with him, handle his mail, keep him socializing, supplement his meals (he has lost his appetite and thirst), and take him for outings. When I get home, I just want to flop down like a zombie. Everyone keeps telling me to 'take care of myself'. If I hear that one more time, I am going to scream. I eat healthfully, take supplements and medications, walk, take scented baths, and try to read (the same paragraph 50 times). I don't seem to have any motivation to do anything else but just try to keep existing. Very little brings me joy anymore. Am I being too hard on myself? Suggestions?
Life is so hard sometimes. Of course you are exhausted and unmotivated. By "take care of yourself," perhaps take it as don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself a treat now and then and just ALLOW yourself your feelings or lack of feelings. Go through it to come out the other side. I think you seem a wonderful caring person to do all of this for your parents. Some day the sun will shine again for you. Until then, keep going. Sending you best wishes and a hug.
You are grieving the loss of your mother, but you might also be grieving the loss of your father. Lookup "Ambiguous Loss"; it is real.
I know how you feel about people telling you to take care of yourself. I do envy you though that you get to go home and have a few hours to yourself. I am my husband's caregiver and he can't be left alone, so a walk or a bath sounds like a vacation to me. I'm curious: how old are you? I'm asking because responses to your issue could be different depending on your age and situation.