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I am really losing it here. My mother is verbally attacking me every day now.
I have been the sole caregiver for her and her husband both with dementia. Which varies by degree daily. Some days (not many) she is lucid and "my mother". Most she is angry and abusive. I don't have any money I am on disability myself and am not able to even make my own doctor appointments. How does one get help when you don't have any money??? I am angry most of the time now and I feel like I am not going to survive much longer. I need help PLEASE!!!

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If your mother has no money, have you applied to Social Security to determine her eligibility for benefits?

It isn’t your job or God’s Will for you to suffer because in her dementia, she treats you badly. We all react differently to the treatment by our damaged relatives. There are some of us here who are not as disturbed as others by threats and tirades, and find ways to let go of the

Are you ready to place your mother in residential care if/when the opportunity presents itself? If you were to learn that she would be safely cared for, would you be confident that the choice would be right for you and her?

I’m hoping that you are willing to seek an answer FOR YOURSELF that will allow you to entrust her care to an appropriate facility AND free you to begin giving yourself the care YOU DESERVE.
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Is mom on Hospice? Is she eligible for Hospice? If so Medicare does cover Respite.
One option would be to apply for Medicaid if they are already not on and then begin looking for a facility that would take them
If you really can not handle this talk to a lawyer and explain that you can not care for them and a Guardian needs to be appointed. If there are no family members that are willing then the court will appoint a Guardian.
If this happens though you will not have any say in where they are placed or what medical care they get. Those decisions would be made by the Guardian and approved (or not) by the Court.
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I'm so sorry you are in such distress. I think your best (and permanent) option is to relinquish care to the county. There is no financial help for full-time in-home care that is subsidized (that I'm aware of). Please contact social services for your county (online through Dept of Health and Human Services) to request an in-home assessment and to talk to a social worker about options. You can also contact your local area's Agency on Aging for other possible resources. Wishing you rest and peace.
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