My brother, my only sibling, is 13 years older than me (he's 69; I'm 56). Based on my work with children with autism, I suspect that he's on the high functioning end of the spectrum himself. He never left home, married or had children and lived with our parents until they both passed away (Dad 4 years ago; Mom 2 years ago) and then moved into a senior housing complex 3 blocks from my home after we sold our parents' home. Our parents did everything for him and never fostered independence, although he's proven he's capable of living on his own. I manage his finances and am his legal representative because he has some cognitive issues.
He's generally very easygoing and doesn't ask me for much, but lately he's become difficult. He suffers from social anxiety and OCD and can be a bit of a hypochondriac. For the past month he's been battling constant congestion and post-nasal drip. With no fever and clear mucus, and based on the timing, I guessed it was seasonal allergies. He insisted he had a serious lung disease. I took him to his doctor, who confirmed allergies and recommended Claritin and Mucinex. My brother took his advice, then called to tell me a day later that they weren't working and took it upon himself to walk to the pharmacy and buy Allegra, which he said also wasn't working. He insisted that I take him to the hospital; I refused and patiently explained that his own doctor diagnosed him with allergies.
He called me at 9:00 this past Sunday morning saying he was weak and needed to go to the hospital. Not knowing if it was something serious, I dropped everything and took him. Three hours later, after blood work, nasal/throat swabs and a chest x-ray, he was diagnosed with...allergies and sent home with a prescription for Zyrtec and Mucinex. When I called him yesterday he said he felt better.
Today he called me again saying that the meds aren't working, despaired that he would never get well again and that he had to go to a "special" hospital. I asked him what he meant by that and he said a hospital that knows how to treat what he has. He resolutely refuses to believe he has allergies despite two diagnoses from two doctors and he's driving me nuts. I expect him to call me in the middle of the night soon to demand that I take him to the hospital again.
I was our parents' caregiver at the end of their lives and the stress nearly killed me. This is only the beginning with my brother, and I'm already feeling stressed. I have a household and business to run, and my time is already limited. Because of my brother I'm already two weeks behind in yoga teacher training, and I have to complete the course within six months. I can't go back to being a full-time caregiver again but I'm all he has. We have no other family and he has no friends due to his social anxieties and life-long self-imposed isolation.
I can't do this.
My Mom has babied him his whole life and done everything for him. She divorced when we were barely teenagers and he was her “man of the house.” He has Never taken his epilepsy medicine responsibly since the beginning because he “feels” he only needs 1/2 the dose! Constant issue over the years as practically every other month he would get under the threshold in his body or forget a dose and he’d have to go to ER in ambulance so they could IV it.
Needless yo say when he had his 1st schizophrenic episode 20 years ago he was committed for a week under BakerAct. Upon discharge he lied to therapist and never took the meds they prescribed for him.
My Mom always made excuses for his behavior over the years. He did go on SSID awhile back so at least he has Medicaid to cover his frequent medical needs. I tried to get him out of the house years ago just to bag groceries or something so he could make friends, but to no avail.
Now our Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 years ago and 1 1/2 years ago I finally had to move her into skilled nursing facility. I have always thought the stress of dealing with him caused this. She is youngest of 3 sisters and only one with Alzheimer’s. Her parents lived into their 90s and she is only 75 (diagnosed at 69). So here I am spent over 4 years caring for my Mom during days while he did nothing at house for her. Stress is a killer! He only cares/ed about riding his bike to the Goodwills to look for old records, and couldn’t be bothered. I couldn’t move her to my house since did not have a room available and we have large dogs that she would not do well around.
Anyway I worry all the time now as Mom seems to be nearing the later stages of this disease is he going to be next. I have no other family around and I am left having to oversee he pays the household bills, etc. Moms old house is a pigsty I have to go over and clean up after him periodically. Meanwhile he has not bothered to visit Mom once of his own accord since she had to move out! I have to attribute it to his mentally ill brain, because otherwise it infuriates me! I am working full time, run a small business at home, And have to worry about him too since I am all he’s got.
I think as many times as he has bashed his head from seizures he is bound to end up with Alzheimer’s too and I won’t be able to deal with him. He is very stubborn; it was hard enough to set up auto debit so he could pay his own utility bills. Don’t think he would ever give me poa. Just wanted to wish you strength and hugs in this journey ahead. You are not alone out there. This site is invaluable just knowing that others can relate. Many hugs to you!
God bless you. You have been through a lot. So sorry.