My dad passed away from COVID three years ago on January 7th. Although I believe in God, I'm not religious to where I watch religious programs. Everytime I visit my mom, we are watching the same thing over and over again. I stress always before coming over. If I go to visit her, she puts on religious programs or any program or show, she tells me I have to watch. When she visits me, she puts the TV on religious or other programs and expects me to watch it here too. I don't know what to do. I am a 55 year old lady.
You say that your mom is a "young 75 year old" so why aren't the 2 of you getting out in the real world and doing some fun things like shopping, going for a walk, or doing some volunteer work together, or even traveling?
You are putting undue pressure on yourself by saying that you are your moms only friend. I hope you realize just how unfair that is to you and very unhealthy as well.
Since your mom is a young 75 year old, it's up to her to get out and make friends for herself. All Senior Service Centers, Shepard Centers, and most churches have many programs for seniors that would keep her as busy as she chooses to be.
It's time to cut the proverbial apron strings as it's not healthy for either of you.
You might need to seek some therapy to help you do just that.
Best wishes.
I get being depressed, but many times that is used as an excuse. There are senior day centers she can go to, meet ppl her own age and do activities,
You have made her very dependent on you, it is time for you to change your mindset and approach your relationship with her from a different perspective.
I would start by telling her you will not visit if she keeps the TV on, there is no reason to, you can watch TV at home. You are not spending quality time with her, you are just wasting your time.
You are an adult, her equal, keep that in mind.
Good Luck! The ball is in your court.
I love the suggestion of taking her away from the house. Lunch is a perfect solution! Or going to a museum or nearby park too. This would give them an opportunity to talk about other things besides tv.
Alva,
One of the first things that my therapist said to me is not to be afraid of arguments or backlash from others for being honest because it is the only way to get things settled.
When people bite their tongues until it bleeds, nothing gets resolved. Sure, there’s a time and place for everything.
Pick the correct time and place and say whatever has to be said. That’s how I feel about it now. This ‘Keep the Peace’ crap never works in the long run.
You don't have to do her bidding because she's a good woman.
You're allowed to say "no, I won't do this anymore" and not feel guilty.
Your Mom clearly isn't quite right, and she really isn't in control of the niceities of things anymore. She has this habit and intends to stick to it.
I am assuming you have tried EVERYTHING
Reading to her
Listening to true crime podcasts (hee hee would work for me)
Doing a puzzle
Playing a very simple board game
anything else you can come up with. If none of that works and she won't take a walk with you or go to visit the ice cream parlor I am afraid you are stuck with religion and politics. I could take anything for an hour. Even religion and politics.
And just a few times a week.
Tell Mom that you will visit a bit more frequently when you can put on Judge Judy!
Does she belong to a church, or a Senior Center?
You say she's a "young 75". My friends in their 70s and 80s are volunteering at museums, traveling to Europe, swimming and working out at the Y, learning to play an instrument and taking classes and the local senior center.
Has your mother been screened for depression?
"Mom, I came to visit with you and talk, not watch TV. Let's take a walk in the park."
J, YOU sound depressed. Are you seeking treatment?