My husband’s Alzheimer’s took a turn for the worse about six weeks ago. One day he seemed OK and stable and the next hard time walking , combative and just not the same. He was able to walk, take a shower and communicate somewhat the day before. He just changed suddenly.
His doctor said to get him to the emergency immediately for tests of stroke, but there was no stroke no infections, no seizures he was released from the hospital after 4 days. I now have him in a memory care facility close to our home. He does have physical therapy come twice a week. It is a fairly nice facility, and he is cared for. The food doesn’t seem that great.
Now he seems continent but unable to do much for himself. I feel very guilty leaving him there. I am old myself, and not sure of taking him home even if I get around the clock care would be the right move. He doesn’t seem unhappy at the facility, but there is a sadness there. Has anyone taken their loved one home for a few hours during the day and brought them back to the facility at dinner time not sure that would help or confuse him. Help at 75.
I, personally, would not bring him back home for any reason. Every time you have to 'return' him back to the NH, it will bring back all the sad feelings-and since you say he seems content--why not let it be?
You BOTH need to adapt, so take time to do so.
Don't let GUILT rule your thoughts and actions. What you are really feeling is GRIEF that is totally normal and to be expected. You're going to be OK.
((Hugs))
Have ANY of those factors changed for the BETTER?
Is he going to be safer at home?
The fact that he is content where he is makes it so much easier for both of you.
At this point he is not asking to go home.
You are not your "old self" again.
You are a loving wife that has a spouse in Memory Care. You are now going to have to manage his care. You are going to have to make sure that he is taken care of. But you can be his WIFE again. Not the person changing his soiled briefs, PJ's and bed clothes. When you visit you can take a walk with him, sit and have a lunch, watch a movie, whatever he wants to do. Hold his hand and just be.
You will be lost for a while. This change is harder on you then on him.
The "sadness" that you see in him may not be sadness but with dementia emotions are lost and this is Apathy. The emotions of joy, sadness, love are very much diminished if not lost all together.