When my father runs out of money he will have to move my mother and himself into a nursing home. I cannot afford to keep them and my brothers don't want to help. I want to start a Go Fund Me fundraiser and buy a house and hire someone to help me care for them. My family is totally against it but they do nothing at all to care for them now. I think they just don't want to admit that they want their parents, my parents in a nursing home so they don't feel so guilty about doing nothing to care for them. I want to rid myself of needing their agreement do do something with my parents. If I had the money then I could get a lawyer and prove my ability to care for my parents and take Executor of Estate away from my brother to use the house and anything else to care for Mamma and Daddy the way they want, in their own home with dignity and freedom.
mother at home when she can no longer take care of herself? Are you prepared to move in and sacrifice your life and your own health just so she can be at home?
Your family is right. And you haven’t thought this through. Making sure your parents are receiving the care they needs IS taking care of them even if they have to go to a nursing home.
From reading your profile, you said you had a major back surgery and are on disability. You moved in with your parents to help take care of your mom who has dementia. Your dad acts like he hates you. Your siblings don't talk to you. Your parents are old and may soon need to go to a nursing home. Do I have all these correct? You mentioned you were self employed. Are you still working?
Are you able to take care of yourself physically? Are you able to support yourself without living with your parents? In other words, can you be on your own financially, physically and emotionally without your parents?
The chances of raising enough $$ through Go Fund Me to buy a house and pay for home help is pretty slim. Not in this environment when 35 millions or more people are unemployed. So, sooner or later, when your parents' health deteriorate enough that they need to move into a nursing home, you will be on your own. I highly recommend you plan for that impending future now so you won't be caught off guard.
You need to be able to take care of YOURSELF first, then you can take care of someone else. Your siblings think you are leaning on your parents. Prove them wrong. Show your siblings you can be independent without needing your parents.
To answer your actual question: fundraising will be a continual, ongoing thing to support a home and caregiving. The amount you will need is huge. What would happen if you did succeed in raising funds for a home, but not enough to cover all the other expenses, like taxes, insurance, special handicapped furnishings, ramps, repairs, lawn maintenance? You will also need a wheel-chair van for 2 people. And hire help so that you can go on vacation or have a sub when you're sick. If your parents qualify for Medicaid, all of this is taken care of for you and them, and again, they will be with other people.
My friend, I think you have romanticized their caregiving scenario. It is not a crime to desire to provide hands-on care to your LOs. But it is critical that you understand the reality of doing so. Please search the Caregiver Burnout topic on this site. Many a loving, well-meaning, determined, protective adult child has been ground down to a pulp trying to help even 1 parent, let alone 2. Please understand that the very blunt responses below to your question is because they have been there, done that, and don't want you to suffer the same. I hope you can achieve peace in your heart over this matter, and retain family relations and harmony in the process.
Second... they're going to go into a NH due to lack of funds? I don't understand that, it should be a health issue that requires Nursing Home care.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-self-i-am-hurting-and-no-one-seems-to-care-i-would-go-for-treatment-of-depression-458226.htm
It looks like back in January it was suggested that Dad look into becoming a Community Spouse. Meaning Mom could get the care she needs and Dad wouldn't have to spend all his money caring for her.
I personally don't give money to strangers thru Go Fund me pages. I doubt others will either since there are options in keeping a LO in their home. If that doesn't work, then its LTC with Medicaid footing the bill.
Your posts are contradicting. This post you say "to use the house and anything else to care for Mamma and Daddy the way they want, in their own home with dignity and freedom." In the Jan post you say "I have lost respect from everyone; my family seems to hate me and my father treats me like a problem child. I am losing my sanity."
I feel you should be concentrating on you. You are out numbered when it comes to your siblings. In the Jan post u mention Dad is 80 so you are in your 50s? You have mentioned depression in your previous posts. Maybe the best thing would be to get out of the situation you are in. With your physical limitations and depression episodes you may not be the best person to care for Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad will not be here forever. Now is the time for you to get on with your life. As you get older it will be harder and harder.
With ur depression problems and now physical problems, maybe you would qualify for Social Security Disability. A SS lawyer cost u nothing. They receive payment from the retro payment you receive from the time you file and the time you are accepted. If you get it, you can still work but there is a limit on what you can make. This will get you Medicare and Medicaid for health insurance. There are low income apts out there. Food stamps, help with basic utilities. Your County Social Services can help there.
I have a friend who I have helped and have pointed her to the people who could help her better her life. I couldn't do it for her she had to take the step. But she always had an excuse why that won't work. Needed help with ADLs but wouldn't look into Medicaid in home care, didn't want a stranger in her home. Applied for the Senior bussing but never heard. I don't think she ever applied. I stopped volunteering to take her places. One of the best things I have learned in my 70 years, its don't "expect" anything from others. The best thing is just to do it yourself. Sometimes when you show people you are trying they are more likely to help.
When it comes to Executor of the Estate, that only comes in at time of death. An Executor has no authority before that. Even after the Executor has to follow the Will. If one of your brothers is POA, that too usually doesn't go into effect until the principle is incompetent. Immediate POA is rare. POA stops at death. Dad seems competent if still working. So he is still in control.
But to bring all this to a house they own takes a LOT of money. Also a LOT of organisation, which someone needs to do for them.
Do they have this? Most don't - & that's OK.
Another way is join together with others, take a bedroom in a larger 'house' to supply all the care, meals & activities in a group setting - it's more affordable & a lot of people really like the extra company.
Big changes are coming to your parent's life & also your life. I would think it may be of great benefit to talk to a professional councellor about the future. It must be a big worry for you where you will live? Talk about that too. What can you do to plan for your own future.
My own view is that is doesn't matter where I live. I can still love in my heart who I want to love. I can be useful to others but have my own life too.
Imagine if all the people that want to keep their loved ones at home started fund raisers. It is very expensive and there is a feasible option. Medicaid to get them the care they need.
I, too, read your profile. Never, NEVER post about family problems or dysfunction on Facebook! It will only serve to increase discourse and dysfunction in your family.
This is a bad idea all around. Please heal yourself and let your brothers deal with your parents as well or as badly as they can.
Can you get back to work outside the home, save up for rental deposit and get back to the business of living your life?
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