Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Nugget - your Dad left it until Maundy Thursday to ask what "we're" doing for Easter?

It just makes me wonder. Do you think his heart might be sinking as low as yours has been?

If he and bro don't get on, would it be easier going if you had them one at a time?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I'd be tempted to tell your brother that he gets to have dad for the day (in your profile you said he doesn't help at all). And then you and your H can do whatever you want without them!

If your brother and your dad don't get along at all, then why does your brother even want to come? Free food?
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I can empathize. My brother asked a couple of weeks ago if there were any plans for Easter. Other brother said he's been too busy to think about it. I had Thanksgiving and Christmas at my house; also during this period my stepmother, brother, and MIL all died and we are now facing the enormous task of cleaning out MIL's place. I just can't do another holiday for 25+ people. I'd say just be honest and tell them you're not up to it this time. Peace to you.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

In my opinion it would be pretty inconsiderate to change what has become an established expectation this close to the actual date, the time to bow out was a month or more ago. Even so perhaps you could still make arrangements for the four of you to get together at a restaurant, that way you are off the hook for cooking and everyone will be on their best behaviour. Even better there is a time limit to how long you remain at a restaurant so everyone is free to go their separate ways after an hour.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Myownlife Apr 2022
I don't think it is inconsiderate at all. She is obviously stressed and depressed. If her family loves her, they should understand. They should also have offered help.
(4)
Report
When I had the younger generation over for the holidays from out-of-State [older generation had since passed] I found it so very disappointing. All that cleaning and work involved for the meal, never again, not at my age.

One Thanksgiving the grown daughter and her teen girls said they would be over [they stayed at hotel] to help get the turkey ready, etc. They showed up just in time to eat. I was too exhausted to even remember what everything tasted.

They spent the vast majority of their time on their iPhones, the parent was just as much at fault. We tried to get conversations going, but that lasted only a few minutes, and wham they were back on their phones like what was on the screen was more important..... [sigh].
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
InFamilyService Apr 2022
I feel your pain and disappointment. My husband and I have had so many years of doing it all or planning, cooking, buying all the food. In the past year we went to my mom's and then to his aunt's to eat with them every holiday! No one else could find the time to join us. Out of four grown children no one can even bother.

Because of my serious health events ( stroke & heart surgery scheduled) we are going to church and staying home. I cannot do it anymore.

I feel sad that my children are not planning anything for hubby & me. This was a time we needed their support.

Well you cannot make them care and I am over it.
(4)
Report
You know what is bad? Doing something you don't want to do and then resenting it, and feeling worse and worse about it year on year. That's bad.

What would you like to do instead of hosting the family get-together? Do that. Tell your family, with all love and kindness, that you and DH are - whatever. Playing bridge. Waterskiing, A sponsored walk on Kilimanjaro. Watching the grass grow. - and they must make their own arrangements. Send them an Easter basket if you feel so inclined, not if you don't.

Learning to please yourself is a skill we all need to work on, I think.

Assuming it's too late this year, tomorrow being Good Friday and all, and you're lumbered like it or not, you will have to throw yourself into the spirit of the occasion for this last time and make it enjoyable for everyone else even if you can't manage it for yourself. Let the sad commemorations wait until afterwards.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
WhisperingPine71702 Apr 2022
thanks....I just get tired of feeling obligated to take care of all the holidays because it's just my dad, brother and I in my immediate family and dad and brother don't get along. I don't enjoy being around them much....and yet soon after I posted my question, I got a text from my dad asking what we were doing for Easter...which basically means "what are you cooking for me for Easter?"
(2)
Report
You aren't feeling up to it, so don't do it. Follow your gut/heart. You are entitled to do what you want to do. I understand where you are coming from. I am going up to see my Mom on Saturday, for the day. I cannot do the actual Holiday days with her. I am entitled to do what I want to do. Put up with enough $%^&*#@ in my lifetime with her & still do. I always say I celebrate around the Holiday..stretch it out. My grown Kids have other family where we live & I will NOT put them thru what I felt much of my lifetime. You should enjoy the days for YOU! Not selfish to put your own needs & desires in priority position here. When you feel up to it, you will get together with them again for another occasion. Your expressing what you did ..tells me you know exactly what you want to do. So go with that! You will be much happier. Life is short!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
InFamilyService Apr 2022
Perfectly said!!!!!! Love it & could be my same situation.
(1)
Report
So do something different this weekend. Your brother likely won't mind at all.

Treat this weekend like any other one -- mow the lawn, go to the movies, get Chinese food -- anything that will tell you that it's just another day, because it is.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter