Is my son liable if I have an auto accident?

I'll give you another example just for the sake of argument.

My FIL saw his civilian primary (as opposed to his VA primary) maybe twice a year. Every single one of his after visit reports always said something like "Pleasant male (insert age) presents with (insert whatever was wrong that day). Addressed (insert remedy). 85-90% of visit spent discussing his other comorbidities, unchanged."

At some point my FIL needed a document attesting to his competency. For the bank. We didn't know any of this until well after the fact. The bank representative saw something in their interactions that caused them to question his competence and wanted to cover their backs. They even wanted to know if anyone else was going to co-sign for him (we saw the emails later).

His primary doctor gave him a letter (we found it in his portal) stating that he had PERFECT COGNITION. At the same time we were trying to get him assessed for dementia.

Why do I say this?

Sometimes doctors will say (or do) what they believe is reasonable in a situation - but not have all of the necessary information to make a good judgment call.

You say that your eye doctor replied to your son with a "positive statement" about you driving a car. Was that statement in regards to nothing more than your vision test? Has your eye doctor seen you drive? Did he do any other testing?

The very first doctor to tell my FIL that he should NOT drive any longer was his eye doctor. Based on the fact that they could no longer correct his vision to the required level with glasses. But she told him in that visit that she was making that call based solely on his vision test, that she did not have insight into any other areas of his medical history to assess nor would she feel comfortable doing so when her specialization was the eye and vision.

You want to continue driving - and that's understandable - having a doctor back that up is like water in the desert. My FIL literally waved that letter in our faces every time he got scammed, deleted half of his computer, called repair people to the house and forgot they were coming, didn't pay a bill, forgot one of our names, called people by mistake, and any number of other things - "I HAVE PERFECT COGNITION!" But he didn't. He couldn't remember things. He would get lost when someone else was driving. He would get on phone calls for repair calls and frustrate the associates so badly they would finally just send someone out.

For your son, that was probably a hard blow. Because he may be seeing things that have nothing to do with your vision that concern him. He may be trying to spare your feeling or pride and not embarrass you.

He may or may not be responsible for an accident on your behalf. But you certainly would be. And he doesn't want to see you carry that weight on your shoulders And he likely feels a moral obligation to prevent it.

My 98 year old grandmother is a seasoned driver. By that I mean that she has driven the entire continental US multiple times. She drove the Alaskan pipeline in an old school RV. She has driven forklifts, tractors, big trucks, church vans. There is not much she hasn't driven and of course growing up when she did and where she did, she started driving much earlier than was strictly legal.

That being said, in the last few years, it became clear that driving was no longer an option. She could barely navigate a mobility scooter around the zoo a few months ago - it required her to use all of the required skills and focus.

Dexterity, attention, hand/eye coordination, executive function, multitasking, hearing, sight are just a few of the the necessary components of being able to drive. Now...if you have a deficit in one area, certainly accommodations can be made to help you adjust and safely drive.

But at some point, when issues in all of those areas begin to come into play together - you really should understand that driving becomes unsafe.

Your EYE doctor said you were ok to drive. Your eye doctor sees you how often and for how long? Mine sees me once a year for maybe 15-30 minutes. All he can really tell you about me is that my vision is X and I can carry on a coherent conversation for that space of time.

What my eye doctor can't tell you - outside of my vision - is whether I should be driving or not. If my vision was so bad that I couldn't drive at all because of THAT parameter, or that I have to be limited to corrective lenses on my drivers' license - he could weigh in on that. But as to my overall wholeness and ability to drive - he can't speak to that - he doesn't know.

However, my DH lives with me, spends copious amounts of time with me and knows EVERYTHING about me. He also rides in the car when I drive. I would trust him to know if I should stop driving well before I would think my eye doctor would have a vote.

It is unlikely that your son is not wanting you to drive just to clip your wings. It is far more likely that he is worried and has seen things that concern him.

Your son says he will be liable if you have an accident. Are you on his auto insurance? You say there are no medical reasons - but you've only mentioned that the eye doctor cleared you.

Full disclosure here - as a caregiver - this is one of the hardest parts. When your loved on gets to a point where they shouldn't be driving, but they still fully believe they can drive like they always have. No adult child wants to have that conversation and we all hope that a doctor or the DMV will do it for us. But when push comes to shove, your son may at bare minimum feel morally obligated to ensure that you aren't driving any longer. And will do and say what needs to be done or said to make sure that happens.

As much as you want to continue to drive - and I don't think any one of us questions that personal want - please try to be objective and look at what your son may be seeing. Talk to him- ask him why he doesn't want you driving - have an honest conversation.

Don't let pride and "don't tell me what I can do" and "I'm fine!" be the reason that you ignore the signs and put yourself and others at risk.

If you have an accident and kill other people, you will be liable. You could be charged with vehicular homocide. You could go to jail. You could also be charged in a civil suit and lose - which could involve losing your house, your money, and anything else of value that could pay off the people who sued you.

The eye doctors opinion is his, not your sons. And if you do have an accident, it will be your insurance that goes up, or his if you are driving under his policy.

My Mom is 95 and has been driving up until recently. She told her primary doctor in an exam that she still drove and believed she was a good driver. Because of her advanced age and what she sensed about her in the exam, her very wise doctor placed an order for her to take a virtual driving assessment through the Occupational Therapy services in our clinic. The cognitive testing involved the executive functions and the physical involved reaction time (so, not an eye exam). My Mom was deemed a "high risk". She was very angry about this and disagrees with the reality of the results. The Dept of Public Safety has cancelled her license.

Your eyesight is not the only thing that matters when you drive. If you believe you are still a safe driver then I say take a behing-the-wheel test or an OT assessment and prove it.

My Uncle, who was in his early 90s and still working PT with his wife managing their 60-truck plumbing contractor business in TX, one day had a "senior moment" and went through a red light. He got t-boned on his wife's side, killing her (a 2x cancer survivor). The other victims were midly injured.

I don't think someone should have their license cancelled just because of a number, but the reality is as we age we slow down and lose our sharpness. We can't turn our heads to look, can't step on the brake fast enough, can't process info as fast as when we were younger, etc. It happens to everyone. No one escapes this decline in abilities.

So, prove that you're still a safe driver by taking a test.

FYI I don't think he'll be legally liable but he sure will unfairly bear the burden of guilt for a long time if something regretable happens while you're behind the wheel.

Francisa1, welcome to the forum. When you have a chance please fill out the profile.

If you live in a small Mayberry type town, then it would be easier to say "yes" to driving. But if you live in Los Angeles, Chicago, or New York City, then the answer could be "no".

More information would be helpful.

You've filled out no profile about yourself, so we have no way of knowing what health conditions you suffer from which lead your son to believe you should not be driving. Your eye doctor only knows how your eyes are functioning. Not how the rest of your body or your mind is functioning. If your POA son feels it's unsafe for you to be driving, or that he would be liable if you were to be in an accident,the I'll betcha $100 there's a valid reason why.

W/o all the details, you know as well as we do that nobody can answer your question.

If your eyesight was good enough to drive and your son still thinks you should not drive , maybe he’s seeing other things that you are not aware of .

It’s very common for an elderly to think they can still drive as well as they did when they were younger . Perhaps your son has been trying to get you to give up driving and you are being stubborn , so your son is looking for ways to stop you from driving , like questioning a doctor , trying to get a doctor to tell you not to drive . Also by telling you he’s liable could be another avenue in which he’s trying to get you to stop driving . Being liable may or not be true depending on POA status and if you are using his car and his insurance .

What other reasons has your son given you that he thinks you can’t drive ?

My own 87 year old mother in law can barely walk , she should not be driving . She is in denial of how bad her walking is . Her legs are weak , she brakes too late and ends up in the middle of an intersection ( according to her sister ) .

An eye doctor is only going to remark about your eyesight . There is a lot more needed than good eyesight to drive . I’m sorry but I’m going to believe your son has a good reason to go to the trouble of questioning a doctor . I suspect it’s time you stop driving and you haven’t given in .

More often than not the elderly refuse to stop driving when they should, and often the doctors don’t want to be involved and it’s up to the adult child to take the keys away.

Fran, I understand your frustration and I'm not by any means taking your son's side.

But I do want to tell you, as a child of an elderly it's very hard to see them driving when we are not sure if they should be.

Your son my be very worried about you , maybe if you promised to stay with in a certain mile radius. To ease his worry, Or take him for a ride with you, let him see for himself.

The doctor told my father he could drive, and is children didn't feel like he was capable of it. Doctors don't see everything we see.

As for you question, I can't say for sure if he is POA

Your son worries be glad to have that.

But I also understand your side , you feel like your rights are being taken away
I'm very sorry.

If there is no medical reason you should not drive then YOU will be held liable if you are in an accident.
Do you have insurance that is paid up? And full coverage? And you have a VALID drivers License correct? And I am assuming this is your car. If it is his car he can say who drives and who doesn't.
Just curious..is your son your POA? If he does not think you should be driving if he is POA make sure that he can not act on the POA just to get you to discontinue driving.