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The beginning of being in a facility is difficult, but it will be easier as he adjusts. You can still visit, right? You'll be his wife, not his care giver. It will be good for both of you. I'm sure you did not make the decision out of selfishness, but rather out of love. And your own well being is of course important. It's adjustment time. Continue with your plan in peace.
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I found that placing my wife in a care facility was the most difficult decision I ever made. She was 75. We were married for 52 years. I was the sole caregiver. But I had reached my limit as a caregiver. I felt the guilt in not being able to care for her. Although the guilt lingered for a while, and visiting her daily, I realized she was lovingly cared for, I felt I made the right decision and could finally feel a sense of relief.

Being a caregiver places a lot of stress and anxiety on a person which could cause physical issues with you. For his benefit and yours, go ahead and place him in the group home. He'll be well cared for.
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Change is so hard, even when we've planned for it and know it's the right thing to do.

If nothing else, YOU need a break from 24/7 caregiving.

Would it help if you framed this for yourself as a 6 week respite? Promise yourself (and this is a thought just for you, not DH), that you'll re-evaluate how things are going in 6-8 weeks?

Because if you become ill, your husband has no one to advocate for him. You are a precious resource for him.

Please take this time to recharge your batteries.

((((Hugs))))))
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Countrymouse Jul 2020
Very, very good approach. Excellent idea, the OP can't possibly lose by thinking of it in this way.
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A complete change for your life. You have a routine and responsibilities that will become totally different leaving time for what YOU need and want to do. It is a life style change which is hard even without caregiving being part of it. Then there is the guilt.

Take that room, it may be months until one is available again. Find caregiver support and or therapy. Do not expect this change to be easy, it won't be.

Now that it looks like this move will happen do not discuss with husband. All you do not need is him having second thoughts, or worse refusing to go. If you don't get this help, then what if something happens to you?

Don't turn back.
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Many times, the right thing doesn't feel right. Know that you can get him out, if you still feel this way, and see that you have a way to give good care, after he's had time to adjust. I promised myself 30 years ago, that I would never put my dad into a nursing home. I just did. I had no idea how much I really needed the rest, until I got it. He actually seems happy and looks better rested, too. Still, when he's been there 6 weeks, I'll ask him how he feels about staying. If he absolutely does not want to, then I'll try to find a way to get him home. (We'd need an all night caregiver, probably, so that I could sleep. )
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Harpcat Jul 2020
Good for you, but I might suggest that 6 weeks isn’t long enough for anyone to adjust to a new living situation. I would give it 3 months based on all my experiences with moving my dad to different levels. It’s good he seems to like it. And you are getting some rest.
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