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We're all on the same page then. And really, distance can be a good thing. I mean, how else are you going to spend some good quality time, in fact, entire days and nights when you're off work, with that hot new lover who gives you all you're lacking now? hee hee

Just kidding! :D

Yes, yes, waiting for your man is certainly noble... I think I'd take some excitement instead at this point. lol
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Ash, I believe I've said this before, And I know this conradicts what I said in my initial question. But I realize that some of what People in here have been saying is possibly true. If I were to break it off with him my life would not change much except to not have a date on Saturday night. I also said that if I did break it off I would not seek another. So....I may as well enjoy my Saturday nights wit him. I have not put my life on hold, waiting with my breath held. I understand there's a possibility it might not. And I'm prepared for that if it doesn't. Yes, NOW I am happy. Becasue I have accepted the fact that it could be like this for a few more years until he finally is free to marry me. In the meantime I still enjoy life and I'm trying not to put all my eggs in one basket. I still get out with friends, do things with my daughter, work, take care of my house and property....just like I would be if I wasn't still seeing him. 2nd fiddle? Maybe. Ruining my life because of it? Not at all! Life goes on. BF, or no BF. Like I said, this is contradictory, but I have realized that this is how I must see it. And that's fine.
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Exactly.....
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"I'm not backing down. I'm standing up for what I believe in" so why ask the question in the first place? You're obviously very happy playing second fiddle forever and as long as you're happy that's all that matters.
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Wrong. I wouldn't get one iota of pleasure out of saying those words. And I wouldn't stoop to that anyway, at least, not about that. That would be kicking you when you were down and turning me into my mother.

Now, if my favorite equestrian sport horse team wins over your team, I'm going to 'I told you so' all over the place...
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Sorry, I shouldn't have grouped everyone as a whole. Some of these people gave very good advice and were very helpful in a polite way. They took the time to explain their situation and how they are going about dealing with the issues.I thank them!
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No, I believe you hope it will fail so you can have the pleasure of saying, "I told you so!" This whole thread has screamed those words. I can read between lines.
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Actions speak louder than words, Waiting. Let us know when you see some. I hope to God this all turns out just like you want it to, for your sake. I mean that. I hope every single one of us in this thread is dead wrong.
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Thank you, GrowingTree. I am also one of those "WWJD?" people. And WWJ want me to do, people. I don't think he would want me to abandon him when he needs me more than ever. The conversation BF and I had last night has answered a lot of my questions and confirmed what I already knew. He wants me in his life permanently.
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I'm not harping on anything, Waiting. I commented on something brought up in this thread twice. Just doing what you're doing...giving responses and opinions.

And I fully admit and acknowledge my psychological issues. I discuss them quite often around here. ;)
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God love you life, you do what your heart tell you, not others, you do what's right, an close your heart to wrong. Because what you let in, can be hard at times to get out.

You keep reading your Bible, that's the truth, not church an not people.

2 Corinthians 2:14

Stay strong, an keep fighting 4life, an Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh, so now he's cheating on me. LMAO!!!!! I know...pay backs, haha! You got me! Good one!

Not picking fights, giving logical, truthful responses to untrue accusations. Obviously, some people on here just don't get it and never will. You all have your own psychological issues. Yes, I do believe caregiving takes your sanity. It is very evident here.

Standing.....sheesh! Give it rest, already!
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So daddyo won't let you see BF more than once a week yet BF isn't caring for daddyo 24/7 so he has a lot of time to play.. You are a once a week, ahem "stress release". Wonder how many other "stress release" women he has on the go. Unless you're with him 24/7 you will never know.

You're going to stand your ground, go for it and quit whining about the getting together once a week. You can change things and only you. If you choose not to, tis up to you. It's a free country if you hadn't noticed. Get a pair of big girl panties, suck it up or get out but for god's sake stop with the whining and trying to justify yourself. It's getting so old. Seems like you're here just to pick fights for some reason. Good luck with that because it doesn't matter to anyone here. We're used to dealing with people who have psychological issues.
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I didn't mean to imply that your bf hit you, Waiting. Different circumstances, same reaction. I find those reactions interesting.

I personally couldn't care less if you stay with this guy or not and don't think anyone else does either. Your choices only affect you and yours.

Just understand that some people won't consider it funny if you try and get a rise out of them on a regular basis because that's some habit you've got. That's all. You say you won't do that anymore. That's a very good thing, imo.

Do what you have to do, Waiting, what your gut tells you to do. If you think you've found the Holy Grail in this man, so be it. All that matters is what YOU believe, not what we think.
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It is pretty ridiculous, isn't it, Jessiebelle? Never dreamed it would come to this, but I'm not backing down. I'm standing up for what I believe in. But some people can't/won't accept that. So....I guess I'm beng ridiculous, too....or stubborn. What I should do is just wash my hands of it. My attitude is live and let live and don't shove your beliefs down peoples' throat. Tell them your thoughts and let them decide what's best for them. And if necessary, agree to disagree.
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And I'm not denying that the situation is....difficult?...unusual?...whatever you want to call it....not normal. But.....I'M NOT LEAVING HIM! PERIOD!!!!
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My BF has never hit me. He has never so much as raised his voice to me. That is no comparison, whatsoever, to me and my BF. He wouldn't hurt a fly! Sorry you wanted to kill your mother. Surely, I'm not as bad as her for only trying to produce humor just one time, and I hope you don't want to kill me. I said I would not do that anymore.

I don't have to defend my BF. He speaks for himself. As I said, everyone who knows him tells me what a good guy he is. But nobody I know has ever been in a relationship where they don't get angry at some point and vent. But he is SO the opposite of my ex, which is such a blessing!
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Just dropped back in. Is this the stupidest thread ever or what? Not being rude, but I'm starting to believe some people have too much time on their hands.
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Exactly, Bookluvr. Honestly, I'm not trying to tick people off. Last thing I want to do! What's the diff between me staying with the caregiver and the caregiver staying with their loved one? 6 of one, half dozen of the other. Both are true devotion.

Obviously, he has talked to his family about his feelings for me because he has told several of them that he wants to marry me. They have indicated this to me. Even his 83 year old aunt! Everybody who knows him tells me what a good guy he is...honest, trustworthy, etc. And I know this from personal experience.

He has moved some of his stuff to my house. He talks of the future all the time, with me being in it. No, he has not gotten me an engagement ring, yet. But he did give me a heart pendent with both of our birthstones in the middle of it. That counts for something. He will show me the chinese horoscopes, on the restaurant placemats, that tell who you are compatable with. According to it we are not the best together, but he assures me it is ok because it also says his parents aren't compatable and they loved each other very much and had a wonderful marriage together. That and a thousand other things he says and does make me know that it will happen, eventually.

A vent is just that....a vent! I vent to my BF all the time about work, etc. He knows I'm just venting and that I don't expect him to fix it, just lend an ear so I can unload. But I won't do it anymore on here.
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And I never expected you to take any of this advice, Waiting. I expected you to do exactly what you did...do the big turn around, the 'now I have to defend my man and convince everyone(actually yourself)that he really is Mr. Wonderful' stand when people gave you their honest opinions, which wasn't what you were after. I've seen that kind of mess over and over.

On another forum, some chick talked about how lousy her man treated her, including smacking her around now and again. When everyone agreed, that yeah, he was lousy alright, you should have seen the 360 this woman did. Oh no, he wasn't THAT bad, really. He just got irritated after a hard days work once and awhile. And seriously, she was just pissy when she wrote all that stuff. Oh, it was such a SMALL smack, after all, and if she hadn't...whatever...he wouldn't have done it, and he's not really 'that kind' of guy... Yup. See it all the time. It didn't surprise me to see the same thing here either.
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"You guys take things so seriously. I wasn't trying to offend anyone. You need to let things roll off you instead of making you angry. I apologize to anyone who was offended. I use humor to combat stress, but I've encountered people who don't understand me and my family's type of humor, before. So, I'll can it."

Personally, Waiting, it's not that I was offended. When I read that comment about how you like to push buttons to see how far you can go, my hackles went up immediately and just the thought of someone doing that to me, and getting off on it, pissed me off. I lived with one of those. For 48 years. My mom LOVED pushing some buttons, yes indeed. She never knew when to quit either. She just pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed until all I could think about was killing her if that's what would make her stop and sometimes it got ugly. I literally resorted to death threats to just make her STOP already. She lived to get a rise out of people, see how far she could go. Living with her was a nightmare.

The thought of ever having to confront that kind of behavior from anyone else, ever, for any reason, makes me feel a little queasy and the feelings I get at the mere thought of anyone trying to play me like that is far from warm and fuzzy.

For me, that kind of behavior toward me is anything but funny or humorous and my first instinct in that kind of situation, faced with that kind of person, would be to get as far away as fast as I could...and stay away.

I've described living with my mom as being a tiger in a cage and she the one with the stick, poking away at me. There's nothing amusing about being on the receiving end of that. I find it hard to believe that anyone on the planet would find it funny...

I'd rethink this behavior, Waiting. Seriously.
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Waiting4alife, It's OKAY. I understand where you're coming from. Truly. I chose to stay all these years with my parents, putting up with the abuses. I understand that some posters were fed up with me and wanted me to just pack up and leave. I cannot do that and live with myself and damaging what little spirituality I have left. Because I know this, I do my best not to vent here on AC. People don't want to hear me vent over and over and yet not do anything about my situation. So, I only vent when I can't take it anymore. I either vent or I think of the FINAL solution for my problems. I choose venting. I'm just careful not to overdo it where it reaches a point that people will ignore me because, "Oh, there goes Book again...." It's such a fine line I walk here. I don't take, take, take without also giving. Know what I mean? There are some great threads/discussions here that you might like. They're not as depressing, but funny, humorous. You can also put your spin of the humor of caregiving.... on those specific threads...because readers know that this is for humor.
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Also, one reason we have a hard time finding time to spend together is that I work full time at a hospital on 2nd shift. He works 1st shift at his job.
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That's right... It is my choice to take advice or not take it. I appreciate everyone's input and I'm explaining to you all why I'm not taking it. I also explained that I know what I'm getting myself into but I have decided to stay with him, anyway. It has been a great help to recieve opinions from people who are in his similar situation. I just don't like people trying to shove it down my throat when I don't take that advice. I appreciate the suggestions and your explainations why, but I have made my decision. Like I said---if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. And I only have myself to blame if it doesn't. I am willing to take that risk because I feel he is worth it. I am the one who has to deal with it if it doesn't work out.
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His dad needs him there to make sure he takes his meds every morning and evening, and to make sure he eats, and just to make sure he isn't doing things he shouldn't. That's not 24/7 care. He's still continent. He still bathes himself, etc. Just is very forgetful and thinks he can still do things that he can't. He does need him there every day, just not all day.
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No, my last 3 posts are simply explaining what I recently discovered.
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Waiting, wish you well. You asked for advice. We gave you our best. Take it or not. Don't try to justify. Find yourself a therspist or counselor to talk this out with.
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In real life, when you have made a wrong impression with people, that wrong impression remains permanently. It's like the boy who cried wolf. One day, when you need serious advice, no one will seriously comment. You reap what you sow. If you wanted to bring levity into this site, you're doing it the wrong way. MOST of our caregiving is not that humorous when it comes to caregiving. If you want levity, search for other topics/discussions on this site where everyone knows is for fun and fooling around. You truly don't want to "cry wolf" because one day when you need advice, no one will stick their neck out to answer. I wish you well with your relationship with bf and his father.
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Nice try but if, as you say, daddy doesn't need care 24/7, why can't BF spend more time with you? Your last 3 posts are just an effort to keep us decent caring people sucked into your little game. Please know, that we have been or are caregivers and we're too savvy to play your games. Once this thread hits my email it's gone. Did you know your IP address can be easily traced right down to who you are and where you live? That technology has been available to those who know how for more than ten years.
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You guys take things so seriously. I wasn't trying to offend anyone. You need to let things roll off you instead of making you angry. I apologize to anyone who was offended. I use humor to combat stress, but I've encountered people who don't understand me and my family's type of humor, before. So, I'll can it.
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