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Hi everyone! My mom is still in the early stage of Alzheimer's so she can still live independently. However, I am still not comfortable with the idea of her living alone since I live a few hours away from her. I was thinking of moving her to memory care, but she refused since she could still do chores and other things on her own and suggested a retirement home instead. I know the difference between long term care and retirement home since I read it in an article on the Seasons Retirement website. However, even if she's still independent, I think moving her into memory care is the best option since she'll get the care she needs. Or is it too early to move her into memory care? Is it better to move her into a retirement home first? Any advice?

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I’d look for a place that offers options as care needs grow. My mother’s nursing home had independent apartments, assisted living, memory care, and the nursing home. People moved between them based on need
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How functional is she? Some people are really good at faking it, so you may want to try to get her cognitively assessed so you can get an opinion on whether she is fine with being able to come and go from the facility on her own.

I think the retirement homes in the article are more for people with an active lifestyle, providing amenities rather than support.

My aunt was having trouble being alone in her condo so we helped her find a nice independent living place. It was a one bedroom unit that offered a nice variety of support features including meals, linen service, medic alert pulls and pendant, wireless internet and cable, scheduled shuttle service and group activities. No caregiving was included but individuals could hire their own and the staff were a reassuring presence. The unit had a small kitchenette, mostly for snacks or preprepared meals, and the on site laundry rooms were complimentary. For a while, dropping in with the echo show device was good enough for medication reminders and she made friends there. Then caregiver visits were needed.

When she got worse, she moved to a studio unit in memory care, where she was safe but not happy, because she couldn’t come and go freely. They would have moved her to Medicaid if necessary after a period of self pay, but it wasn’t necessary.

Are there any facilities nearby that offer the continuum from independent living through assisted living and memory care on the same campus?
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Memory Care is the last resort; wait until her dementia is quite advanced before you place her in that environment. Assisted Living is your best option at this point *I have no idea what a 'retirement home' is, quite honestly* Assisted Living will offer her care options IF she needs them, and not if she doesn't. Help is there on an as needed basis. Meals are served in the dining room, activities offered, mini bus on site etc. I would not offer her Independent Living as I would not offer ANY senior with ANY level of dementia or Alzheimer's at play Independent Living b/c they ALL need SOME services available to them, and monitoring for when things slide downhill. AL will give you that. It would be best if the AL you choose also has Memory Care available so if/when she needs it, she can segue into that level of care.

Best of luck.
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Personally I would move her to assisted living where they also have a memory care unit on site. We did it for my mom..she LIKES it!!! The building has gorgeous surroundings, good food and the services she needs. My mom agrees if she gets deep in dementia she will move into their memory care. The unit is in her building so she knows it will be a safe place. She trusts I will do the right thing. Educate her.
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Paintingjtj Sep 2022
May I ask …Where ? I am looking for a future place for myself … have seen 3 … one in FL and 2 in NY. The place where your mother is sounds like a good one.
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You could start her in an AL , make sure they have a memory care and will take Medicaid in future. My question is , will she fight it when she needs to be moved ? Will there be openings? Will a move cause quicker decline? Truth.. I would go with a memory care… I think the multiple moves is difficult.
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As a nurse, it sounds like it is too early for memory care. She needs assisted living or a senior apartment. There are senior communities that can "phase" your mom to the level of care as she needs it.
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She is not ready for Memory care. I would start with IL into an AL.
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My mother lived in a 'continuing care' facility, where she started in independent living, then moved to assisted living/memory care in another wing, and in her final weeks moved to skilled nursing. It worked out very well for her. The facility also had an insurance policy that kept the monthly fee stable, except for cost of living increases. She had to pay extra for the insurance, but it was worth it because she didn't have long-term home care insurance. It worked out well for my mother; she used every unit in the facility. She had dementia but wasn't aware that she had it. The social worker at the facility is the one who notified me that it was time for my mother to move to assisted living/memory care. She was not totally happy about moving, but in time she adjusted to it as her abilities declined. Have the discussion with your mother about what she wants if her health declines to a point where she is no longer able to care for herself. Would she want in-home caregivers, or would she be OK with moving to an assisted living/memory care facility? Much will depend on her finances. Get connected with a local social worker who can help advise on her options. While she is still able to sign legal documents make sure that all of her paperwork is in order. She needs to set up powers of attorney for medical and financial matters, have a living will with her advance medical directives and a will, if she has assets. I was my mother's POAs (only child) and my mother made me joint owner of all of her accounts and also we got a credit card on her account with my name on it so that I could make purchases for her. It made things much easier. I took over her finances when I saw that she was no longer making out checks properly. I had all of her bills and statements sent to my address. If she moves to a facility, don't have any valuables in her apartment, and she should have no financial statements or financial information in her apartment. Even if she has in-home caregivers, lock up or remove the valuables and financial documents. When she moves, try to downsize her as much as possible to mostly utilitarian things that she'll actually be using. No need to take all of her books, kitchen items for special events, clothes that she hasn't worn in years, etc. All the best to you both!
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Grace1122 Sep 2022
Excellent advice--regarding placement, paperwork, and caregiving!! The benefit of doing this in stages is that your mother becomes comfortable with the facility and makes friends with staff and other residents. This is invaluable because as the disease progresses, change becomes incredibly difficult. The staff also becomes familiar with you.
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Move her to assisted living now. My Mum in early dementia moved from her house to independent living. It only lasted three years and should have been far less. I feel if she went to Assisted living she would have had all her meals ( she lost weight while in IL), she would have gotten used to the activities and made friends and been able to function longer. As it was she didn't make friends locked away in-her apartment, was rapidly moved through assisted living (she couldn’t adjust anymore) and ended up in MC possibly a bit too early. Then Covid shut down everything and it’s been a disaster since then.
She can’t use these but The place where she is now at actually has dementia homes! People in early dementia move in, think they are living independently but they are closely monitored. So, as their skills slip with cooking, eating, cleaning, etc care is provided until they have to move to long term care. Maybe there is something like this in your area? They are provided by Shepherds Care Foundation. In Canada.
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In my state, she would be in assisted living or independent living, not memory care.

In independent living, it is like living in a hotel suite that contains an efficiency kitchen. Basically, you don't want to do yardwork any more and you can cook your own meals, if you want to.

In assisted living, you can come and go as you please, ride the elevator to other floors, choose to go out if you want to, own and drive a car and be expected to follow instructions. However, you might need help preparing your own meals and making sure that you take the right pills at the right time. You may not have a efficiency kitchen in your "room".

Memory Care is for individuals who can no longer live without someone to watch over them. They cannot remember to take their medications, need help going to the bathroom and keeping up with hygiene. MC is a much more structured living program as people who have memory issues, need routine and repetition and consistency. The activities in MC are more geared toward keeping their memory exercised, whereas in assisted living and independent living, the activities are more geared to learn and accomplish.

When my Mom was borderline AL and MC, it was really up to the nurse who evaluated my Mom to determine whether she went into AL or MC. It was very hard to place her.

I would start interviewing. I would look for places that have both AL and MC. Ask them how they would place your Mom. AL is usually less expensive. However, as you add on the services like medication management, laundry management, how much time they perceive they will have to watch your Mom (fall risk), it becomes more economically feasible to be classified in Memory Care. However, the activities are very different and the food is very different. I would not put your Mom into an MC environment unless she needs to be. It would be similar to a middle school child being in the same class as a bunch of 1,2 and 3 year olds. Yes, you can do that, however, the middle school child will not be in a healthy living environment.

After interviewing a few of them, you will start to understand the difference between MC and AL. I would also find out whether they can stay in the facility until end-of-life or whether she will have to move out. Do you have to pay in, then pay a monthly maintenance fee (like a timeshare), or do you pay a monthly rental fee?

I think it is too early to move her into Memory Care. However, the nurse that evaluates new residents, will tell you which he/she thinks is better for your situation.
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