Since that time has had multiple incidents including her calling me 2 months ago lost at the mall, no idea how she got there or who she had come with. Could not find her car. Today I called her and she said something was wrong with her car. Upon inspection it was obvious she had an accident. Does not remember. Advice on how to take her car??? She lives in a continuing care community most of year, at a vacation home where someone is with her most of the time for the summer.
Not sure about other states, but in AZ, when we moved my 90 y-o dad here, they did not give him any driving test except eye exam. How stupid!
He finally agreed to give up car here as AL has transport, he did not know his way around, and we offered to help. He had been driving less and less (including not getting mom some medical care cuz they were out of a comfortable driving range) and insurance kept going up making it foolish to keep car.
I know they want their independence. This is a wake up call to the world that senior drivers are in need of transportation help. It is NEEDED!
Now my husband had been diagnosed with Moderate Dementia and will be taking a driving OT exam that lasts an hour and a half at the VA Medical Center. He told me that they should not tell him he can't drive.
However he rarely has driven after his stroke last year.
The transportation of MIL is hard as she is out in the rural countryside. Moving into town would be a solution but it would be rather disruptive.
Two months after we took the car, she still asks for it once in a while but has gotten used to other transportation.
And yes, you’ll have to figure a way for her to get around. That may be the harder part.
I went through this with my dad. He could still handle the car safely but was forgetting how to find places. And he would make several short trips each day to the store, go out get gas, then go to the hardware.......Each trip an adventure in getting lost and confused.
I disabled his car by pulling the starter relay. Very easy to do. Then finally got he and mom in assisted living. He spent every day looking for his car. It took weeks for him to adjust.
You need to backpeddle and become an accomplished teller of the Therapeutic Fib. Don’t leave the keys out where she can get them. Disable the car somehow (a mechanic can tell you how) for back-up security. It’s not easy to take away their independence, but for the safety of others on the road, it’s necessary.
My mom gave up her car voluntarily after a fender bender that wasn’t even her fault. I took her shopping and to appointments about twice a week. It wasn’t overwhelming. If anything, it encouraged her to join in the activities at her Senior Apartment. She also had access to the Community Transport. It really wasn’t the end of the world.
Remember, any time we take away something from our parent, we need to replace it with something else.
Thus, set up a transportation service for your Mom. Or tell Mom you will be available on such and such days to take her where ever she wishes to go. Make sure you set boundaries. I didn't with my parents, and it seemed like they wanted to leave their house 2-3 times a day. Not easy when one works full-time :(