Mom is having severe panic attacks after move to assisted living. What should we do?
Mom is 91. She has had a fracture of the sacrum, massive rotator cuff tear (inoperable) and now a fractured knee. We cannot care for her at home. We moved her into a very nice AL facility close to both my sister and me. We visit almost every day. Mom is extremely distressed since the move and has been experiencing severe panic attacks. Today she clung to me and begged me not to leave her. She said she does not want to die alone in this place. She is convinced that she is about to take her last breath. The nurse gave her a Xanax and I waited one hour for the pill to take affect before I could tear myself away. She doesn't seem to be responding to the Xanax because she called me hysterically an hour later accusing me of leaving her in the midst of her trauma. She told me to come back there right now and get her out of there. I promised I would, but I didn't. I can't come to grips with this. My sister is feeling the same way. How can we leave our mother in such emotional distress?
13 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Can my sister in law stop me from putting my mom in assisted living?
- How much time should we spend with mom during first days at assisted living?
- What is the difference between assisted living and nursing home care?
- How do I get my mother to accept going to a retirement home, or how do I get guardianship?
Also make sure the staff isn't leaving her TV on randomly. Even short ads can show a violent crime show, disturbing images, and they think those are real, or the general stress of the images affects them and adds to anxiety.
It is my understanding it is best not to visit anyone who just moved into Assisted Living for at least 2 weeks, so that they can adjust to their new location. By then the person would have made friends with their table mates during meals.
For my Dad, since it was his own idea to move to senior living... yay.... I tried to make his bedroom the same footprint as the one he had at home. Thus when he woke up in the middle of the night, he could see his highboy dresser was right there on his right. His night stand on his right, the other night stand on the left, etc. And night lights all over his apartment which is also had when living at home.
Also, I might discuss the matter with the AL staff. Do they have many residents who have dementia? I know that when my cousin was in regular AL, they didn't seem to understand how she was not really in a position to make phone calls at any given time. They would call me on her behalf at the drop of a hat or less. This resulted in multiple phone calls for no real reason. Like, she was upset that she couldn't find her hairbrush. Or, she she didn't like her lunch. To me, once she got into Memory Care, they understood this. If there was a need to call me, they would, but constantly calling me, for non-urgent matters ceased. The staff needs to recognize what is happening and work towards her staying calm, without constant phone calls. BESIDES, she would forget the call was made 5 minutes later, so they really didn't help matters.
My mother had them for years - after my stepfather passed away. She lived alone in a house but refused to move to AL. At least once a week she would call my sister saying she was dying, having a heart attack - because one of the symptoms is a racing heart (they always occurred in the middle of the night) She was taken by ambulance to ER dozens of times, then sent home in a few hours - always the same. Some were so bad she would vomit or defecate in the bed. After a while it became obvious that it was caused mostly by fear she was alone in the house and she was always needy for attention anyway. My poor sister had to get up at 3 am time after time and go down the road and help her. She never had an attack when she slept at our houses.
The doctor prescribed clonzapam which she was supposed to take every night before bed, but half the time she didn't and kept having them.
When we finally forced her to move to AL, she had only 2 attacks the first few months, went to ER and was sent back. She was embarassed and finally started taking the tranquilizer as she was supposed to, and sometimes she would take 1/2 if she felt one coming on during the day which they never did. The attacks stopped completely after she was in AL for a few months.
You might inquire about Cymbalta since your mom has a lot of pain with her bones. My cousin had a fracture in her spine when she was placed on it and it really helped. This med also treats pain of the bones. Of course, everyone is different, but, I'd explore the options.
I'd also explore if you mom is having memory problems. Sometimes, when people have different reactions in a short period of time, it's due to them forgetting what just transpired. They have no memory of what might have happened shortly beforehand. That can be very frightening to the patient and they get scared, then have the panic attack.
I'd try not to blame yourself. You have to do what is best for your mom, regardless of her dislike of the place. I'd try to get her relief from the panic attacks and give her more time to adjust.
Was Mom subject to panic attacks before the move? Is she on any new drugs? Does she have cognitive impairments that prevent her from understanding where she is? Does the staff report that she has these attacks when you are not there?
Has a doctor seen her specifically about the panic attacks? Perhaps a medication (other than xanax) would help prevent these distressing episodes.