My mom refused physical therapy and now she can’t get it anymore. Now she’s refusing dental care. She lost her bridge and has to have her teeth replaced not to mention and she’s not brushing her teeth. She’ll end up loosing her teeth! . What am I supposed to do? I can’t be there all the time to make sure she showers, gets treatment.
It’s exhausting to go see her in this condition. I can’t be the one to do this for her. I have no help from my 1 Sibling and family is out of state.
I’m just getting back my health from almost having a nervous breakdown because of her.
Your marriage and your spouse are the #1 priority. This is what you should feel guilty about, not your Mom. There are other solutions for her basic care... you just need to accept them. Stop acting like you're her only solution. You are not.
Nobody wants to see their mother like this. I didnt when my mother was in Memory Care Assisted Living, that's for sure. I prayed daily for God to take her out of her misery, actually, bc there is no good answer to dementia otherwise. It's not their fault they're sick, and it's not our job to cure them. Its our job to love them and accept they're sick, leaving the rest in God's hands and in the facility's hands.
Visit once a week, bring some goodies and small gifts, and that's it. Don't give up YOUR health for something you cannot fix. That's my suggestion. You can advocate for your mother, as I did for mine, and get hospice involved when the time is right, as I did, but that's it. I made sure mom had antidepressants and Ativan to keep her as calm as possible, and I loved her. She passed at 95. It was a relief, tbh.
Good luck stepping back a bit and caring for YOURSELF.
No one is forcing you to put yourself through this agony you describe in your profile. And stop expecting your sister to help you. She has made her choice and just because you don't like it does not mean it's wrong. Some people are just better at establishing healthy boundaries in dysfunctional families and situations.
Our society has us think we are supposed to fix all the elder’s problems .
Get more comfortable with Mom’s refusal of care . Let Mom choose to let things go and leave this world on her terms . A lot of old people in nursing homes have no teeth or bridges and refuse to see the dentist . And PT is also frequently refused or not successful at this stage .
Mom isn’t going to get better . Let the facility handle her . You focus on making yourself better .
And please don't tell me that it's because you're trying to receive the love that you never received as a child as that just ain't gonna happen.
I'm sorry that your mom messed you up so bad, and I do hope that you have a good therapist that will help you untangle the hot mess of emotions, and false sense of obligation you feel towards a person who yes gave you birth, but doesn't deserve being in your life.
Your health has suffered enough and it's time you say enough is enough. I hope you will be strong enough to do just that, and make yourself a priority once and for all and get on with living and enjoying your life.
I don't think your own life should be thrown on the funeral pyre of your parent, and I doubt she is in safe circumstances now if she lives alone for any periods of time. Once you need assistance with basic hygiene it isn't sustainable for caregivers attempting 24/7 one on one care.
Do understand, when you become a "caregiver" you can no longer be the doting daughter. You move to being the enemy, the one who makes rules she doesn't like. Don't go there. Preserve you health and hers and your relationship by opting now for placement.
She is at the end of her life.