My Mother (84, but otherwise in good health) is living with me, with the plan for her to age at home. It's nothing new for Mom to use "the silent treatment" when she's unhappy with me, and at times close her bedroom door where I don't intrude - dinner meals are always prepared, whether she eats with me or not. Things have since escalated, and she notified me she hasn't eaten in 3 days, with the intention of starving herself to death. The triggering event was telling her it's time for a deep cleaning of her room (my job, as it's my house and I'm the caregiver). My Mom is a hoarder, and the situation that developed when she lived with my brother and sister-in-law was horrendous. I was distraught because of the conflict/stress my family had to deal with, including the unsafe, unsanitary situation that from outward appearances looked like an open and shut case of elder neglect (it WAS NOT - Mom absolutely resisted all efforts to clean/de-hoard, by myself and others).
When I intervened on the family's behalf, Mom ran away with an out of state niece, who deposited her in a small home by herself, then left the state. Several months, and $10,000 later due to this misadventure, I did a "Mom Rescue", and brought her to live with me, by mutual agreement.
Well, my turn - I know what I signed up for, and that I would NOT allow the squalor to take root in MY house, and that I would need to set boundaries. So, here we are again - the Hoarding Playbook.
I lost my husband to suicide - Needless to say, my Mom threatening suicide is something I take very seriously. My current option is to contact her primary care physician and arrange for help, and to get this situation documented. My mom betrayed her family before, and to be honest I need to protect myself from any possible exposure to charges of elder neglect.
Any and all advice, observations, similar experiences shared is most welcome!!!
T.Champ, Where do you get your medical/psychological information??
I suggest you start with a counselor versed in hoarding behavior; there are specialists in this. Try to consider with that person what options may exist. I am so sorry for all you are going through and wish you well.
Time for the professionals to do their thing, for Mom to hear it from others and not just her daughter. I can wait for the for the mental health support resources and not move forward on my own at this point.
Has she always been like this?
Certainly, call her doctor, but when ANYONE threatens suicide (whether by starvation or other means) the appropriate response is to call 911 and have the person taken to a hospital that has a proper psychiatric unit.
Once mom is admitted to the hospital, you are entirely within your rights to tell the social workers that you will NOT be allowing her to return to your home as this would be an "unsafe discharge". You are not equipped (nor are any of us) to deal with someone with this level of mental illness (hoarding is, by definition, a mental illness).
Just to note, my MIL did in fact starve herself to death; she decided, after ill-advised aortic aneurysm surgery and possibly a stroke during recovery that she was done and refused food.
She was admitted to a nursing home and died there about 2 months later.