Mom is writing checks to sketchy organizations when she barely has enough money to live on. Any suggestions?

Aside from using services like "Catalog Choice" (anti junk mail) I can't offer much advice except keep on top of it. At least she's not doing it directly online, with even more risk of having an account cleaned out.

My mom claims she's wary but feels obliged to donate to every political campaign that floods her email inbox. She's not poor but could be if the right scammer strikes, including spoofed phone numbers posing as locals in need. She nearly fell for the "bail me out!" aka "grandparents" scam.

What is it with the elderly (even minus dementia) and their compulsion to give away money? They figure they need to spend it all before dying, perhaps. You'd think people would get MORE cynical as they get older, especially with constant warnings. I hope to be that wise, at least.

Really tough and I can relate. You need to get the FINANCIAL POA and a PO BOX. It's worth the expense. Some have suggested to me (similar situation re mail) to get a locking mailbox...i.e. mailman puts mail in but nothing comes out without a key to open it so you get it first. If you can get your hands on the mail you can check the "new address" box on bills to have it all forwarded to the PO box...but this is less your problem...Do YOU take the mail to mail it? Then you keep it, open it, and write a note to remove from list. And remove the checks because I'm sure you're the one doing the balancing...Our problem is that there are some things we forgot about or not easily changed...so luckily I was around when the stimulus check arrived...because my mother's talents with dementia are to rip things up and throw them out.

I have been writing checks "with" my mom for well over a year. (I write them out, she signs them). I have legal authority to sign them, but she likes signing them as it makes her feel she has some control. I get that! It is also a safety net for me, because if she accuses me of mishandling anything, which dementia sufferers tend to do, I can show her that SHE signed the check. I also have been taking them to mail-out for her so that if there was something I really didn't think needed to be sent (donated to), I just ripped it up. I also remove them from her pile of mail if I spot them. Because of her dementia, out of sight, out of mind.
Some of her legitimate bills like mortgage, phone bill etc I have set up to Automatically come out each month.
Lately, with the pandemic, she has had more time on her hands and says that she will pay her own bills, that I don't need to come over. YIKES! So far I have convinced her to wait for me, but if this gets more concerning, I will get a P.O. box as people have suggested.
Example, she received her stimulus notice int he mail and had written the amount as a bill she needed to PAY. Wonder if she would have sent a check to the IRS or the White House??? HA! Just gotta laugh! We love our parents!

While I was working, I did something that worked quite well for me although it's an option that presumably wouldn't work for the OP and many others, but I'll share it FWIW.

I was renting the upstairs floor apartment of a two-family house that had two front doors and two mailboxes. Before I moved in, I had obtained a PO box (mainly because I don't want mail exposed where anyone could grab it or have packages left outside). I was seldom in the apartment except to sleep, and had little of value there. I just stopped taking junk mail out of the mailbox, essentially pretending no one lived there. After a little while, it quit showing up. One item showed up in the PO box with the street address crossed out and substituted with the PO box number. I also did away with my landline as I had a cell phone (which I rarely had on). If I ordered something, I had it delivered to my work address (again, mainly to avoid theft or having to go on an errand to retrieve it).

I guess the bottom line is that if you can maintain a low-enough profile, eventually you'll cease to exist in the minds of the solicitors and scammers (and perhaps even in the mind of the local mail carrier!).

Stopping junk mail is like trying to stop the weather. It sounds as though your mail is currently delivered to your home and she must be grabbing it before you can sort it out. PO box is definite option, but it's probably going to reroute your own mail as well -- make sure you let family/friends/all your own business mail folks know about the new address.
The other option is better. Don't order or let her order checks anymore. You can go online and create a mailing address for paper checks (in the event you need to use them for her bills). Select an address of a family member or friend so only you have use of the checks.
For now, you may not see what mail she brings into the house, but the earliest she could mail out her payments would be the next day. Ask her each morning if she has mail to send....and trash it. Ask to see the mail that came in each day. Don't leave any stamps around the house for her to use - so she has to ask you. (of course some of those companies send postage free envelopes for their 'patrons' to remit money). You can also check online for the company that sent requests for donations and contact them to take your address out of their system. I had pretty good success with that.

I am wondering if there is a way to get some checks (but just paper checks with no account or monetary value). If she got these phony checks, they won't work and just maybe that might end the mess. What about talking to the bank for advice. I am 86 but completely with it. I have been through so much in my life and always forced myself to do for myself and I do succeed. Personally I can't stand most, not all old people because of their mental attitudes and horrible behaviors and they refuse to take responsibility in the time of life when they are still able to think and do things right. I have a philosophy more every day - if they just refuse to listen, think, or cooperate, then I have to face the fact I tried and I let them sleep in the bed they made. Sad but what can you do?

Stop paying for her phone bills and food that will force her to stop or reduce paying for those extra charities. But with her mid-stage Alzheimer's, it appears her reasoning judgment is affected.

The irresponsibility you write about is one of the symptoms of her disease. The executive function part of her brain does not function properly. Be grateful that she want to be generous. However, you may need to talk with her about finances and give her a certain amount of money she can "play with" - preferable in the form of a rechargeable gift card. Talk to the bank and get rid of her checks all together. Obtain a debit card so you can access her account, but she cannot.

The only way to handle that problem is taking over all manners of check writing. These organizations, be it political or other type of donations, are always asking for cash. My mom had an infatuation with the Republican Party back in the past, plus one or two others. Soliciting via mail, phone. I became the enforcer with all finances and out a stop to spending she really could not afford. To generous, in my opinion.

You might consider petitioning the probate court to become her conservator, or to have the court assign a public conservator if you do not wish to have that responsibility yourself (it's a big one!). My 88 year old mother in law has MCI and has to have a conservator, as she has shown herself to not only be financially irresponsible (when she still lived on her own, she failed to pay her property taxes two years in a row but insisted that that was "okay"), but also vulnerable to predators (she gave tens of thousands of dollars to a scammer who claimed she had won the "Jamaican Lottery"; the same criminal also got her involved in a money laundering scheme, and she refused to believe the county sheriff when he tried to tell her she was being scammed). She likes to give to various charities and ministries, but when her conservator told her one of them was on a fraud watch list, she got indignant and said "He is NOT a fraud! I'm going to write him a letter and ask him if he's a fraud! He MINISTERS to me!". Now, in my mother-in-law's parlance, the phrases "ministers to me" or "speaks to my soul" tend to mean, in reality, "tells me what I want to hear" (she's bought into this "Word of Faith/name-it-and-claim-it" stuff, thinking if she has enough "faith", she'll get her old house back that she was moved out of years ago, and that she can "magically" call a "boyfriend" into existence, for example), and she is also easily swayed by people who tell her what she wants to hear. She is especially obsessed with donating to the Jerusalem Prayer Team, which IS a legitimate charity, but she actually got mad at my wife and me because WE don't donate to them as well! She gets a set allowance every two weeks from her conservatorship account, and has no other access to her finances and assets. So this is a route you may wish to consider for your mom, as well.

I'm thinking that you should take the checkbook and all of the extra checks. I would lock them in a strongbox for which she has no access. For any checks already written, I would contact the bank and put a stop payment on them. For the contributions to the church and the Alzheimer's Association, I would give her two checks and supervise the writing of them so they are not misused.

This may sound strange but I am so glad there is someone else out there that is going through this check writing thing like I am.

My Mom looks forward everyday to the mail coming. She says that's her only pleasure. She is not mobile. Has a tracheostomy and is on a feeding tube in her stomach. So she can't even enjoy eating. So for me it was very hard to go by everyone's advice on here and not give her the mail or let her write checks.

She is 89 years old and in the same position your mother is in. On social security limited income. Her house is paid for so i moved in with her to become her full time caregiver. I've already gone thru my retirement so right now i'm living on a shoe string. But that's okay I love her and promised not to put her in a home.

Anyways. I've tried to reason with her, beg, plead, cried and even got angry. Went as far as to make a spread sheet to show her where her money was going and how ridiculous her writing checks to every Tom, Dick and Harry had become. She had 89 different charities she was paying out to. Not all of them every month but at least 30 - 35 of them she would. She'd donate anywhere from $5 - $10, $15 to $20 bucks a pop. It was making me sick literally. I started going thru her mail first and only giving her real bills. But then my brother would just give her the whole stack of them if he got to the mail first. I did a lot of b*tching at him till he finally go the clue.

She would say she wont do it no more but it only lasted a few days. I took away her check book and she didn't like that. The first time i took it away on the fourth day she t old me she was gonna call the police on me. I was shocked. I think my mom might have a touch of Alzheimer too or dementia I dont know. Doctors say she seems fine.

Three weeks ago i pulled out a Dry erase board and sat down and explained this is how much your social security pays you. Minus the electric, gas, water, medicine. RX's (over $140 ) Over counter medication, Medical supply company that supplies her liquid nutrition for her feedings. The feeding bags and all misc. supplies, Her Depends, Life insurance, Blah Blah Blah...... I said.. Mom, "This is how much money you have left at the end of the month. She was in the Red. Negative dollars. So please stop writing those checks. It was so bad that the checks she was writing for $5, $10 bucks were bouncing. Therefore, it cost her $35 bucks to donate $5. And the bank just loved to charge her these. Because she was on auto deposit they would call it an overdraft fee and pay these checks instead of bouncing them. . She would get sometime $200 to $400 dollars in one month for overdraft fees. I got so pissed. I was so depressed.

Finally, it seems to be getting better, All my screaming, crying, begging, and logically explaining calmly to her is starting to pay off. I mostly keep the check book away from her. but i still let her write checks for the bills. And i told her she can spend $20 a month on her favorite charity. So she can actually send off 4 donations at $5 bucks a pop. so far so good. if she does sneak out a few more i just pull them from the outgoing mail. I know its against the law to do this but i dont care.

These charities, religious and political groups are heartless. They take advantage of senior citizens. They go as far as sending her letters telling her to add them to her will when she dies. Give them her car and house. Bull. I've tried to tell them to stop. Hell my mom even wrote a few of them and said she can no longer contribute but they just send even more. Then they have you listed on the sucker list. And sell that list to other charities (which by the way 75% of them are BS charities anyway)

You say your mother has Alzheimer's. I personally do not truly know how this disease works. She is still able to write checks, obviously. Is she like my mom where she looks forward to the mail?

Cont'd. Oops guess i talked too much. sorry.
Is she more Alert and with it when shes going thru her mail. Because if she is, My opinion is if you take that away from her then what will happen to her. She may have nothing left to keep her mind going and she may just let go completely.
That is what I am scared of. Does anyone live with her?
Can they just retrieve the outgoing mail that are for nonsense charities and keep them hidden for you. That way your mom will still have the pleasure of writing the checks and her mind will still be active. a win - win if you ask me.
When I stole the outgoing mail my mom didn't know the difference Because when i gave her her bank statement to balance against the checks she wrote and told her that if she they weren't on the statement as being paid there still outstanding and she needed to keep that as a true total not go by the bank statement month end balance. She would get so frustrated and just quit and not look at her bank statements anymore and ask me to do them.

Be creative, Do a little of intercepting, a little stealing, a little lying, your mom is going thru a difficult time now and my feeling is if it makes them happy let them be happy. just dont let that happiness get to the bank.

Good luck to you...

Where is your mom getting the checks from? I'd do a thorough search of the house. Definitely a PO box is a good short-term easy solution. Does your mom answer a land line or have her own cell phone? If so, this leak must be plugged as well. I first discovered my MIL had a cognitive problem when she fell and was in rehab and I went to her house to tidy it and organize...and found boxes and boxes and boxes of blank checkbooks. She kept forgetting where she stashed them and would call up the bank and order more. You must prevent your mom from doing the same. FYI my MIL also had an eye-watering $930 in overdraft charges.

I didn’t read the second page here so I might be repeating but my guess is doing this is important for her mental health. It’s important to her to “take care” of her checkbook, these charities or both and I would try to find a solution that allows her to continue, at least from her perspective as long as it still seems important to her. I would find or open a checkbook/account not attached to her main one, old checks from a closed account ideally but even a new account with $50 in it if you have to or make your own check if she won’t notice and replace her current book with that. Then let her write the checks and get everything ready for the mail, here’s the key..then you collect and “mail” everything only putting the valid ones you mentioned in the mailbox. She will continue to get the junk mail and feel a part of life, mail just for her is important and will never know her $25 check never actually went to Bobs Boys so you can continue intercepting. I’m not all about lying or tricking but with cognitive decline I have found it’s often so much more humane and definitely less time consuming and productive to simply enable them and protect them at the same time with small fibs or deception. Don’t be frustrated with her, she likely isn’t really capable of remembering that she can’t afford to give to every charity that comes along or that she can’t trust every one asking for money, she isn’t taking your generosity so she can be generous to others. She’s just either been generous all of her adult life or wished she could be, it’s habit not reasoned thought.

This WAS my mother. She was on poverty pay, but would give away her last $5.00 to any charitable organization who asked for it. Problem solved when I took over her finances. Good luck.

Power of attorney, get on her checking account and monitor it. I am a caregiver and had to do that with my brother. He was giving people his bank account # and transactions were taken place that should have not been. I try not to over take what he does with his money, however I make sure no one is taking advantage of him either. I just step in when I can and explain to him what is happening with his account, also I give him printed copies (he seem to calm down then). We made it where he has no checks to write, only a few if there is an emergency (3-4). I put most of his money in savings and give him allowance and when he gets low I remind him what he has and when his next pay is coming in so that he has to be careful of what he is spending. It's hard because they want to handle things themselves and they really can't. He has his miliary pay handled by a fudiciary because he don't handle his money right. So the little I monitor I truly can see why that is. He wanted to buy a car with his SS check, that's what's scary, he could no way do that. I had to explain to him about, gas money, insurance, maintenance etc. It's not easy

Are you joint account with her? Does she have direct deposit? Any other siblings or family members involved in taking care of her? Yup, I think you answered your own question: Get a PO BOX... for everything...
Someone called my mom and asked for her SSN: I GOT MAD... She got his number because she thought it was legit...
I told him shame on him that he is willing to scam a mom the same age as his mom... People just don't get it...
But hey, some people love to do that kind of stuff, I guess. Maybe he had a bad relationship with mom.

Set up NEW accts with your name on them and NO CHECKS, just a debit card for a small acct for her to use for groceries & incidentals...ASAP. I have 4 Jewel/Osco grocery boxes of "sweepstakes" that she sent in; 2 1/2 are opened & 2 are unopened; and there IS a pattern if anyone has the time to find it again---I'll even pay for the shipping (more at the end of this)! You're biggest worry right now is unexpected visitors showing up at her door to take her to get a M.O. from her bank for anywhere between $500-$850 for delivery & processing fees to receive her winnings; albeit $XXX Millions & a house or car etc. There have been 2 cases of abductions tied to these type of scams that I found and in one case, an 81 y/o man lost his entire estate (house, cars, rental prop, bank accts & IRA's;) to the tune of $2.3M about 5 years ago. Just tried to pull up the article but it's been sealed by the court. They used one of his signatures on his check and got the paperwork from the net and ended up transferring everything over in their name. You've caught it early enough, so get to the bank as soon as necessary and get the new actts set up w/your name on them also.

You need to take the Bullish Bull by her horns here. She is under your ROOF, Put your hoof down and even become her POA....STOP enabling her.

One thing to keep in mind, or plant in her mind, is that if she is destined to need Medicaid, they do a 5-year look back at gifts and could delay benefits in some circumstances. I echo the others advising getting a financial PoA and then you can work with the bank. I had to call my mom’s credit union and tell them about mom’s increasing dementia. When she could still get to a branch, they would give her cash out of her account without her even having a check with her. I called her account representative, explained what was happening, sent a copy of the PoA and re-routed the mail to my house which helped quite a bit.

I wish I could post a picture here. When I went to the post office yesterday, the mail lady (I live in a small town) gave me a folder of “letters” my mom had attempted to mail in response to these scammers that she had kept and didn’t know what to do with. They had her credit card number and phone number and were not sealed and she had just put them back in the original envelope that was mailed to her with no stamps or return address. One was marked “official government business” to our senator - she thought he wanted her help when she received one of those voter surveys. I’ll be at the bank on Monday to make some changes to her bank account. It is crazy how the mind works! This is a scary disease.

Close her account and start a new one any way you can control and monitor it and set limits as someone suggested (groceries only, a debit card and no checks), a two-signature check book?
I'm wondering too, if she got 'mail,' or letters or cards, would that transfer some of her feelings from write checks (to others she has no communication or personal contact with? Perhaps ask a local school, volunteer bureau, or social work class at a college to write her a note talking about their lives and perhaps mirror some of her interests. These could go to a p.o. box. She might start looking forward to her mail instead of the people asking for money, or forget about the check writing - refocusing her attention.
You do need to take control somehow. Don't tell her you 'll 'pay for more stuff.' Tell her you won't or can't. Don't enable her. You are giving her a carrot on the stick.

Mom lives with me and pays $400 a month for utilities, good supper every night and all transportation. In other words, it's pretty much all inclusive. She's a good egg and has always paid her own way so, the rest of her income (SS) is her business. A house isn't cheep and utilities, insurance, taxes, repair, food and appliance replacements/repair is the priority and everyone under your roof must contribute or move on. I've spent my retirement (most on my kids) but, my truck and house are paid for and my SS is only livable for one person.

If you don't live beneath your means, you'll always be in a financial tight spot with alot of worry. Mom should pay 1/3 - 1/2 of her income for her keep just like everybody else.

The personel care and a good clean house is free cause I love her!

Ask the bank. They might know what to do. Are you the one posting the checks? Then dont post them. I'd say she misplaced the check book and you cant find it. Or day you cant afford to buy more checks. They are too expensive so you have to conserve them. Then hide it where she cant find it. Redirect with something else to do. Or take the check from her and never send it. Good luck.
My dad was writing checks for years to people and no one bothered to look. People and magazines. Ugh.