My 75 year old mom (who lives on her own, about 6 hours away from me) has vivid and detailed auditory & visual hallucinations (mainly auditory). She is otherwise relatively ok (memory is decent, cooks, cleans, etc). When she experiences a stressful hallucination (for example my aunt and uncle in the house trying to get her to sign papers to sell the house or my cousin is threatening to kidnap her cat), I try to calm her down and then lead the conversation in a different direction, which generally works well. (note: the relatives live in Europe and are not visiting her. Also, fyi, she hasn't been diagnosed with anything as she refuses to go to the doctor - she hates doctors and medicine. She's not on any drugs and is physically very healthy).
One my last visit to see her a few weeks ago, I went up a few days before my fiancée so I could spend more time there. I slept in the guest room. On the day my fiancée was to arrive she suddenly told me that we couldn't sleep in the guest room because that is where Bob and Eric sleep and really it was Bob's room. Eric is my 10 year old second cousin and it seems Bob is her friend (sometimes called her husband) who is a nice, friendly guy and helps protect her from the mean relatives who harass her. Bob is completely made up - there is no real life equivalent of Bob (but at least he's a happy hallucinations - a friend). My mom said we (my fiancée and I) could either sleep on the floor in the livingroom on a mattress or in the basement spare room. We have slept in the livingroom before but stopped because sleeping on the floor hurts our backs. The basement is probably about 10oC (50oF) and we have no desire to sleep there. I suggested to her why don't Bob & Eric sleep in the basement and she said no, the guest room was their room. She got increasingly angry and insistent that we couldn't sleep in the guest room. I tried to explain why it was important that we sleep in a good bed but she wouldn't hear any of it. Each time I tried to give her alternatives for her "guests" she just kept saying no. She told me I was selfish. I decided I did not want to ask my fiancée to sleep on the floor or in the basement, so we ended up not staying there (a friend came and got me) and our trip was cut short (my fiancée knows all about her hallucinations). This was the first time her hallucinations have impacted a visit like this.
We are now planning on going to visit her over Canadian Thanksgiving (first weekend in October). I have no idea if she'll once again say we can't sleep in the guest room. If she does say that, I don't know how I should be handling the situation. Should I go along with her delusion/hallucinations and sleep either on the floor or in the basement??? I am not keen on this, as while I'm ok with going along with some of her hallucinations, I also feel like I have limits on how far I'm willing to take this. Or should I just go along with it to keep the peace? I'm an only child and I don't want to make the situation worse. Any advice would be appreciated.
:-)
It would be great if you could find a mental health professional who would make a house call; maybe someone from a social service or affiliated with a church or synagogue who could come and do an evaluation that would seem more like a friendly visit.
I'm pretty well handling this on my own. I'm an only child, we don't have any family in Canada and my mom doesn't really have any friends (she never has, my parents weren't social people...) Any suggestions on how I can get her to see a doctor?
A hotel is definitely an option, although the closest one is ~45min away. She lives in a small rural town. But really my preference would be to stay there with her, as I want to spend as much time with her as I can....
Read more... https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elder-has-bladder-infection-149536.htm
I don't know if it would do any good to contradict your mother's strong beliefs, but neither do I think you should sleep on the floor or in the basement.
Could you offer to drive Bod and Eric to a nice hotel, and to pay for their stay? :-)
This might be totally off the wall, but since Mother allowed you to stay in the guest room but only alone, could there be some kind of disapproval of your fiancée or of your sleeping together behind this? Even if it is, I'm not sure that insight gets us closer to a solution! How about "I'll take the guest room, Mother, and fiancée will sleep on the couch (or floor)." And then do that ... until Mother is tucked away in her own room.
Sigh. I hope 1) it isn't an issue at all this time or 2) she'll let you treat Bob and Eric to a room in a nice hotel with a game arcade that Eric would especially like!
Good luck. Happy Thanksgiving. And let us know how this turns out.